Blarhggouasdf;lj I Meant That

I am sorry for the ranting. I am just feeling ranty lately. And blogs are a good place for ranting. Right? Right.

In the news today: A little water spill did turn out to be the death of my 8-month-old laptop. And since accidents/spills aren’t covered under the warranty, I am…still a klutzy idiot.

I have to be honest that in the last day since I got this news of total laptop death, I’ve been contemplating not buying a new computer at all, and just going cold turkey on technology/the internet. There is honestly no doubt in my brain that I would probably be a happier person without that crap.

Seriously. Who needs a computer?? Who?!

And…the answer to that question is…me. I need a computer, probably. Damn all.

A Passive Aggressive Rant, By Talia

Looking at where I’ve come from, who I’ve studied with, and the people around me, I realize that by normal post-graduate classical performance standards, I should probably be trying my ASS off right now to get a job with an orchestra or whoever the hell will employ me OR that I should be going back to school, and that I should be taking every performance opportunity that even considers coming my way. I know this.

However.

Grad school kind of killed off most of my desire to play and perform and do anything relating to the cello, in general. The fact that I am teaching 15 students (no more students, by the way. NO MORE), playing nearly weekly gigs and am to some degree enjoying it at this point amazes me, plus the fact that I’m actually earning a living (a living which allows me to do completely idiotic things like spill water on my laptop with the knowledge that I can afford to have it fixed). Amazing. I am grateful for every opportunity.

The fact remains, though, that I’m still recovering. I still don’t know what I want to do in life. I still need some time to let things stabilize. I appreciate advice and guidance when it comes to career, and in fact, some of it has been downright helpful, especially that form my PARENTS, who would’ve thunk it. Go parents.

What I don’t appreciate is people wagging their fingers at me, telling me (or OTHER PEOPLE behind my back) I’m not doing enough for myself right now, whether it’s well-intentioned or not.

Screw you guys. Seriously. It’s people like you who contributed to my classical music burnout in the first place. I’m enjoying the hell out of teaching right now, and at this point in my life I’m completely convinced that this is the best thing I could be doing for myself as a cellist and a performer and whatever-the-heck else I might want to do with music. And honestly? I still don’t really even know if that’s what I want to do with my life, and considering how many people end up doing something that has nothing to do with their area of study, I don’t see how that would be a big deal. On top of that, last time I checked, there was no sure-fire path to success in this admittedly SCREWED and DWINDLING field of classical performance, whether you have a DMA or have studied with the best or not, so please understand if I’m not jumping out of my chair to compete for a job at the moment.

First and foremost, though, I’m not going to even attempt to further my career in cello-playing and performance until I have some semblance of desire to do so. And right now, I don’t. Advice, I will openly and willingly take. Criticism for and sneering at my choices, I will not.

So I bid you LICK ME.

Additional word of note: gigs are starting to get to me.

Please Do Not Die From Idiotic Klutziness

This news ended up being the icing on the cake of mixed crap that became my week (minus having a new fantastic bow): Diana Wynne Jones has died.

First Brian Jacques. Now Diana Wynne Jones. I am depressed.

I’m sorry to spread sadness. But then again, what else are blogs for? Besides complaining. I DON’T KNOW. I’M EXPERIENCING SOME KIND OF EMOTIONAL BOTTOMING OUT RIGHT NOW I’M SORRY.

Depressing author deaths aside, whatevs. My week could have been way worse. And I think the icing on the cake of crap was actually the idiotic feelings associated with careless spilling of water onto one’s central media commander. After letting my laptop dry out for three days, it failed to power up. I ended up having to take it into the local Apple Certified Repair center yesterday. They asked me if there was anything extremely important that I don’t have backed up to another machine, and then reminded me, painfully, yet again, that accidents and spills are not covered under warranty. RUB IT IN MORE, WHY DON’T YOU.

I know that a little water spill is likely not the end of my laptop. But I love to prepare for the worst-case scenario because I’m a pessimist (SOME people call it being realistic), so when they tell me it’s going to be a $300 job relating to the logic board I’ll actually be relieved, and if they happen to say “this repair will cost $1200 so you might as well just buy a new computer” it’s much less likely I’ll break down crying in a public place.

Let this be a lesson to the whole world — never ever EVER EVER allow liquids near any of your fancy, important electronic equipment. Like, not even in the same room. Because if you do, you’ll move that fancy equipment for just a moment so it is on the same plane as the liquid and BAM gravity or klutziness will one-up you so hard you’ll…something. DIE. You’ll DIE.

Also, I need to go on some kind of a hermit vacation, or hermit-cation if you will, in which I can just walk around some woods and not see people for like a week. That would totally be the best thing in the world right now.

On the bright side of everything, at least I’m kind of regularly blogging again. Kind of.

The Best. The Worst. No In-Between!

Oh God everything is different WHAT IS GOING ON?

I changed my layout because I was going crazy. This was immediately followed by me spilling water on my laptop. What complete dumbassery.

I am kind of using my old laptop while my recent wonderful computer figures out whether it wants to live or not. I use the term “using” sparingly, because my old laptop has issues. Internet connectivity issues. Display issues. Power issues. Issues. It’s the word of the day.

My parents also bought me a BOW. I have no idea what possessed them to do this. Kindness. Evil spirits. Again, no idea. But I love them to death for it and am certainly playing the cello a little more fiendishly than I have been in the last…12 months? 3 years? Ever? I don’t know. The point is that I’m actually playing the cello, and I think that’s a pretty big step up from where I was even a month ago. BOWWWW.

Also, for the record, the drive into Chicago on I-55 is the worst. As are the drivers. The worst.

Standard Poodles Are Jerks

I have never ever really ever gone out of my way to proofread blog entries. Why start now?

Updates:

I am unofficially going to an instrument repair workshop this summer.

I might also do some Suzuki training? Or not? I don’t know. Suzuki training sounds really super freaking intense, and I don’t really think young people NEED to learn to play an instrument with the specifics of that teaching philosophy. The main reason I want to do it is to better my abilities in teaching beginners. Young’uns. People I am currently clueless about teaching.

It’s also super expensive. So maybe I’ll do it. Or maybe I won’t. WHO KNOWS WHAT I’LL DECIDE.

In other news that is more mental health related, I am sick of being boxed in. I am sick of not wandering. The weather is delivering, but where is my free time? WHEEERE?!

One of the things I miss about Rochester was the ability to step out my door and meander amidst some of the most beautiful houses and trees to exist, possibly ever. Living within walking distance of a pretty ridiculously great park with a view was nice, too, even if it meant being chased by Standard Poodles that one time. Man. Standard Poodles are not my favorite.

Normal, IL does not really have amazing hills or parks or houses or anything. It’s nice and flat and filled with corn and beans, and sometimes there’s completely ridiculous lightning…and tornados…but…well…yeah. Where are the wander-able places? I NEED WANDERING. You know I’m serious because of the all caps.

Also, do you need a daily pig? I think you do.

Another Year And I Will Truly Start To Feel Old

Nine years ago today I wrote a blog entry which consisted solely of me yelling at Blogger for being stupid and confusing. It was my very first blog entry, ever.

HAPPY BLOGIVERSARYDAY or whatever. Blog birthdays. It STILL sounds a little like a venereal disease.

To be fair about me yelling at Blogger in my first blog entry, ever, Blogger was confusing as shit back in 2002. Lots of weird HTML and code very specific to Blogger. You had to get all warm and cozy with those weird codes in order to do half the things you can do at the simple click of a mouse these days, like COMMENTS and ARCHIVES. Oh, Blogger archives, you were the bane of my existence for so long. It’s all so much easier now, so let’s be grateful for the internet and push-button publishing advancements made in the last nine years.

In other news, I think I have a comedy television hangover. TV is great and all, but man, I need to get back to books.

And maybe get outside with my dang fancy-ass camera, if the weather would do something great for a change.

No, I’m Not A Lizard

This just in: I love Louis C.K. I love his stand-up. I love him on Parks and Rec. I love him on his own show, Louie.

But more than anything, I love Louis C.K. asking Donald Rumsfeld if he’s a space lizard, repeatedly, on the Opie and Anthony show.

Lizard question is first posed around 2:37, and then discussed in greater detail after Donald Rumsfeld finishes up his interview around 14 minutes.