On Another Random Note

I do not approve of the man-cardigan. I feel the same way about the man-cardigan as I do tapered-leg pants or jeans under dresses or…dare I say it, Ugg Boots.

Also, what is with a trend like that in the middle of summer?!

So having said that, STOP IT, JOHN KRASINSKI.

Things That Are Awkward!

When one of the Korean girls from across the hall opens your door with a bible in hand and asks you if you’re Christian at the exact moment you’re laughing uproariously at some inane and offensive internet thing. And then you say “no” and she leaves.


The Obligatory Cranky Introvert Ramble

listening to: the high llamas – honeytrap

Sometimes I wonder if it all comes down to the fact that I’m a cranky introvert.

I mean, it’s not really news to anybody, and it’s not really a big deal because I’ve dealt with this crap before. It’s just so odd to me that I went for very nearly six weeks feeling for the most part pretty good. Really enjoying myself. Really enjoying the company, surprisingly. I noticed that every two weeks, I would have a day where I just wouldn’t have much to say and might be quiet and prefer being with myself, but once every two weeks? That’s nothing.

But suddenly, I’m not just a little weary about being around people at every hour of the day and in need of an hour or two off. It’s like there’s this huge rift in my psyche, where part of me really wants to hang out and run around and continue having a hilariously good time, but there’s this other part of me that can’t take that idea, and just wants to be by myself for a few days with no contact to regain my semblance as a human being. And somehow this rift is really making for some discord in my brain.

It’s difficult to describe just how frustrating it is to want to be around people so much, have the opportunity like every hour of the day and find myself with these people I want to be with, and yet to HATE it so much. There’s this huge discord in my brain. I feel so confused and isolated, just because I want to be talkative and happy and I’m around them and I can’t. Maybe I actually need to be locked in a room.

No doubt, this is just a build-up. It’s been 5 weeks. I’ve been working hard and experiencing a lot, and I also suspect that seeing the end approaching is making me act up in a few ways.

I feel that with some camp experiences, I haven’t really made that many social connections but have watched a lot of cliques doing their thing from afar, so as the time for things to end comes around and everyone else is so sad and desperate to spend every waking second around each other and I am left sitting by myself to watch, I become resentful and denying of all possibly related feelings. Maybe this is like the “I go crazy every Spring thing,” and it just happens automatically, now that I’ve experienced it at all. Or maybe I just hate feelings and emotions. Again, proof that I actually need to be locked in a room.

I know I’m getting worked up about leaving, though. I like so many of the people here, and the environment that the other students have made, and the TEACHERS. I don’t want to leave them! I don’t want to go back to the crazy that is Illinois! But at the same time, I think parts of me are rarin’ to go. To drive somewhere. To be on the road. To read the new Harry Potter book. To have a repose. To practice without all the other junk going on. To spend some quality time in a car with my sister. To see my teacher. To watch Buffy. To get back to hardcore running. To not eat ice-cream for like…a day (did I really just say that?!!?).

So it makes sense. I just need to tough it out.

What I especially need to do is not get mad at myself or think there’s something wrong with me for feeling weird and icky and isolated around people. I need to take the time that is necessary for myself to feel good and just be on my own if that’s what’s necessary. I forget that, sometimes. When being around people was for some reason amazingly easy for so long.

Even last year was like this. Except about 100 times worse because of having mono and allergic reactions and things.

Really, I guess I could say that I deserve a prize for holding out as long as I have. Like a cookie. Or maybe ice-cream. I mean…NO! NO ice-cream.


listening to: the high llamas – honeytrap

I am just going to grumble to myself, point to this article and bare my teeth at anybody who approaches.

Alright. Not really. I promise to be cordial. But I will say that I HATE BEING AN INTROVERT.

Losing Abilities As We Speak

listening to: the high llamas – rollin’

Hey, do you know what is absolutely craptastic?!!? The Blogger Widget for the Mac Dashboard. Hey Google Team? What the hell?!

Oh, um, hi. Greetings from Heifetz. It the middle of the 5th week and I have been devoured by insects.

Not really, but holy crap, they get me when I don’t realize it, in places that are a little strange, and then I wonder what’s going on when I do something like put on pants.

I’m currently not practicing in order to blog/just do something that is not practicing. Seriously, though. Blogging is hard. Even with internet and all the time I spend reading weird food articles from my Google Reader feeds (still obsessed). It’s jut that my usual blogging hours are filled with insanely long student concerts and then eating ice-cream or maybe just passing out, depending on the night.

Stuff and junk.

New this week: my camera is on the fringe of death! Last Saturday on the way to Mount Washington, we dropped into a CVS parking lot near Conway, where there happened to be the most amazing sign at Burger King, ever (see “West Whop”). So I took a photo of the sign (see previous link), and almost immediately after doing so, heard this unbelievable *pop!* that came straight from the camera. And my first instinct was to drop it and kick it as far away from me as possible in case it exploded. But it didn’t. And it still worked.

Until yesterday, where I discovered that whatever that noise was had something to do with the flash, and now the camera functions just fine on all accounts except that the flash doesn’t work at all. The camera still takes photos, and they’re all great, but when it’s supposedly in any kind of “flash” mode, there is no flash.

Interestingly enough, on that very morning, the battery-slot in the camera lost some vital spring, and the remaining parts of the mechanism that hold the battery down broke into little bits on its own accord. And it still works and stuff. But you just have to careful when you open the battery slot that the rechargeable battery doesn’t go flying out.

I have this sneaky suspicion that the 3-year warranty ran out the day before, or somewhere around there. Because that is definitely behavior of an electronic device whose warranty has just ran out.

Though I am secretly excited that this means I’ll need a new camera. Still. I’ll miss you, Kodak DX7447.

In other things, I finally figured out how to extend my left hand on the cello. I also discovered that the amount my technique has been changed and messed with is amazing, but that I can pull out old technical tricks when prompted without really having to think about it. It’s awesome. And handy. But also sad.

The difficult part in all this is realizing that I now have to make decisions about what works for my hands and my playing. It’s either make decisions or be overwhelmed, and I’m tired of being overwhelmed.

So that’s all for now.

*edit* I think it’s also important to note that due to extensive hours spent in the sun, on the top of a mountain, I am SO BLONDE, HOLY CRAP ON MOM’S SHOES.

Carry on.


listening to: swim – music

It is a momentous occasion when I am officially friends with “Broken Piano” on facebook.

But this is possibly outdone by the climbing of Mount Washington, on Saturday. WE ROCK!!!!!

From Erik's Camera


Sad Or Awesome?

That my phone on “vibrate” produces the exact same pitch and timbre as the horn from the M/S Mount Washington, and for a good 10 seconds when my sister called me yesterday, I just thought I heard a boat.

The Harry Potter Master Plan

listening to: enon – rubber car

A real, long, detailed entry is in the making. But for now, let me share with you my plan for obtaining and reading the last of the Harry Potter books.

Right. Since I am in the middle of a big crazy music institute thing in the middle of New Hampshire, it’s probably not the best time for me to lose sleep over Harry Potter. I like sleep, a lot. I could even go so far as to say that I need sleep. And I have these really crazy memories of the last two book releases that I lost sleep over. Ye gods.

And there is a book-store in Wolfeboro. And from what I can understand, they are going to have a midnight release party this Friday night. While we are supposed to be in our dorms for the night at midnight, I know a lot of people are just going to go and sneak back in after getting their books. But me? Well, sleep. Sleep, especially if Cory, Erik and I are in fact going to be climbing Mount Washington on Saturday. So I don’t mind holding off for another two weeks I can totally do that. Harry Potter is awesome, but maybe I’m all fangirled out this summer, after the whole Buffy/Doctor Who/The Office thing that was going on. Guys, that crap is tiring.

BUT! I do recall, in what was perhaps the only instance of civilization during my drive over here, that there was a Borders! In Keene, NH! On Route 9! I honestly almost stopped there on my way to Wolfeboro, because if you’ll recall right that was the day where I discovered that eating eggplant makes me really really sick 2 days after the fact. But anyway. I am going to reserve a book from that Borders. And then pick it up on my way back. And then drive the remaining 4 hours to upstate New York, where the plan is that I am to stay there for four or so days. At my uncle’s house. Which has no internet. It will be the PERFECT opportunity to beat my brains out on a book and be able to recover without having to worry about rehearsals or lessons or even just people-interactions.

It’s a master-plan. I am a genius.

Back to your regularly scheduled internet.

Another Problem:

Is that I am pretty bad at blogging while I’m here and a lot is going on, it seems.

Something important that may not be coming across since the last five or so entries have been incessant whining about my playing or random griping about occasional staff idiocy, is that I’m having an awesome time.

Seriously. The fun but also productivity I am getting out of this institute is kind of comparable to summer ’04 at Madeline Island. It’s kind of like Madeline Island to the 10th power, maybe. Or Madeline Island on crack. I mean, good, musically enriching crack.

The entire summer before Heifetz was spent dreading going off to Heifetz. I seem to have bad luck finding summer programs that I do well in, for one reason or another. They’re either not structured enough with people of no similar age-groups to mine (ARIA in ’03) or they’re not structured enough and exhausting and I have mono (YOA last summer). It doesn’t help that I left school this year feeling pretty miserable, and convinced that musicians were douche-bags and I’d be better off finding some sort of an office-related job somewhere that I wouldn’t have to deal with music politics or ass-holes (that’s ridiculous, though. Ass-holes are everywhere. They’re ubiquitous).

But to come to Heifetz and find that I am a) capable of being a social, outgoing human-being without combusting b) in an environment that is actually this wholesome and c) able to work with such amazing teachers is just…I don’t know. It’s made me realize some things about the school where I’ve been for the last three years and where I need to go in the future, and how I really don’t completely hate this music world after all and I want to participate in it and make it better and help people and make friends. It feels good.

And of course I have some off days where I become a misanthrope and hope people walk into things and die. And of course lessons are intense and my brains come out my ears afterwards. But…if that’s the worst of the bad parts?! Oh man.

For the record, I really really don’t want to go back to school. I’ll come back to that some other time.

So yeah. There’s also the part where it’s just nice being in New Hampshire. More photos can be found here.

Anonymous: thanks for the comment. I was trying to think that way after my lesson, but I was pretty overwhelmed at the time. The comment and how specific it was about actually practicing did help to bring me back down to earth. I appreciate it! Also, next time leave a name if you please. Thanks!


Some Problems:

When awesome teachers come through and give lessons, but only for a week. A week to leave me feeling shaky and confused.

Really, the problem right now is that there’s so much I need to fix, and so much I need to understand, but it’s TOO much. It’s too much information for one week. I have no idea where to even begin. And now there’s all this stuff I’m completely hyper-sensitive about, technically, it is keeping me from learning any music and DAMMIT I NEED TO LEARN FUCKING MUSIC AAAAAAH. FUCK!!!!!!!!

Seriously. I can’t play anything without one of the 800 million things I need to think about from stopping me, some of that being very new stuff that I don’t fully understand yet. Conflicting information between teachers isn’t helping either.

Maybe I need to take the rest of the day off.


The problem here is that I take everything so seriously. Everything a teacher says. I can’t ignore or dismiss any one idea, I have to save it. I have to keep in it mind and think about it like crazy. But I never realized that if there’s so much to think about, it’s no better than not thinking about anything at all. Or if too much conflicting information is being handed out in sucha short time.

So I don’t know what to do. I wish I could forget that the last week of lessons even happened, in a way, even if a lot of it was very helpful. But I just can’t do that.

I really love to learn, and I have to understand. I love knowledge. But it is literally making me so upset that I’m not getting anything done.


This is another problem: I need for things to remain simple. In all manners. In doing and in explaining. If the manner of explanation is too verbose, then it makes me stressed out. Tense. Worried. I don’t function that way. I play and learn and perform the best when I’m nonchalant about it, and really relaxed.

Maybe it is better that I forget everything from the last week. For now.

Actually, I know what I should do. I should only think about one hand at a time. This summer so far has been very right-hand centric, so to throw such a huge left-hand curve ball left me overwhelmed.

This wouldn’t be so frustrating if I didn’t need to accomplish things. But in this state, the most I’m accomplishing is playing for five minutes and getting really upset.

That whole keep-it-simple-stupid thing is 100% right for me.

If I’m still making myself upset in another ten minutes of practicing, I give up for today.

I’m sure an 8:20am coaching isn’t helping.

Alright. No bashing of my head will be allowed. I will keep this cool. I will remain right-hand focused.

Bad At Things

listening to: feist – my moon my man

Things to get excitable about:

– I still love Feist!!

– I had a car crisis today!!

– I love improv!!

That’s all.

Damn, I’m bad at keeping on top of things.

Laughable! Ever So Much!

listening to: beck – pay no mind

I just happened upon this photo of John Krasinski on some Office discussion board with the speculation that he is gay (based on what he is wearing).

And the first thing I thought was “He’s not gay! He just dresses like MASUMI.”

And I laughed.

Also, for the record, I am over John Krasinski. He’s too popular and good and being speculated as “the next Tom Hanks” and that speculation makes me kind of frown. Not that I have anything against Tom Hanks, for the most part.

Yes, it’s true. John Krasinski has been replaced by David Tennant (aka the 10th Doctor. Damn Doctor Who).

Also, damn my fangirliness.

Take It Slow, Take It Easy On Me

listening to: feist – my moon my man

Feist is pretty cool.

Hello, motivational slump.

Hello, performance of Debussy tomorrow night which somehow is directly related to the motivational slump.

It’s simply that performance in stressful. Stress slows the movement of time down to a crawl. The crawling movement of time teamed with a bunch of extra rehearsal thingies makes you start to wonder if you’ve somehow descended just a little bit into hell (actually, I think hell includes slightly out of tune thirds, for life. WAIT! THERE ARE THOSE HERE, TOO! I MIGHT BE IN HELL).

It’s also that I’m awkward and I feel like I’m eternally talking too much, too loudly, even when I’m just sitting there not saying a thing. And I think in general I’ve reached that point of around two weeks where I’m going “alright, that was nice, let’s move on.” But there are still another four weeks left. And actually, I really like it here, and am having a heck of a lot of fun, so this has GOT to be the performance stress talking.

If anything, I can’t wait until after tomorrow night because then I can return to the regular grind of LEARNING EIGHT OR SOMETHING PIECES and not convincing myself that playing solo in front of 80 people is not really a big deal. That takes a lot of effort.


A few weeks ago I added the google robots.txt document that keeps my blog from appearing on google search results. I also put a bit of code in the archives to keep the same thing from happening with the 30+ pages of archives. This has resulted in the page-hits dwindling. While I used to like page-hits, I think I now like them more when they’re real people and not people searching for shoujo manga crap and skandar keyes (who, yes, played edmund in the chronicles of narnia movie. you mention a kid once in your blog and then you get 70+ hits a day. Huh). It’s kind of quiet around here, lately.

Feist is really cool. Hello, repeat button.

Except I have to go to one of those rehearsal-things I was talking about that slow time down to a hellish crawl.

Reasons To Be Hacked Off, I Think?

listening to: cranes – flute song

Grumble mutter stupid staff people and their stupid mistakes.

I am hacked off for the following reasons:

1) Rehearsals for the Brandenburg (the thing I was selected to play on the faculty concert this Thursday) are every day from 4-6. My communications class session is from 4-5. AWESOME! I still haven’t heard back on whether they’re having someone else play or rearranging or what. I really don’t want to switch to another communications class. But I may have to. Frowl.

2) I only found out today that I am only able to play TWO MOVEMENTS of Debussy sonata on the concert tomorrow night. I’m sad I can’t play the whole thing because it’s better that way than two movements at a time, but I am mostly hacked off that I simply was not informed of this until today! When I’ve been working on the entire freakin’ sonata like I”m going to perform it. Okay, that’s maybe a stupid thing to whine about. But still! Time is of the essence, and holy crap I have a lot of music I need to be learning.

So anyway. I’m kind of getting the shaft this week. Boo.

But honestly, I will be ever so happy to finish Debussy sonata. For life!

That is all I have to say. I am not quite as “things are exciting and I need to share every moment of them!” as I’ve been in the last two weeks.


listening to: swim – swimming

My goal is to be in bed by 11:15.

I am so freakin’ cranky and tired and curmudgeony. There are some old guys sitting in lawn-chairs underneath my window, being loud. And I want to pour molten lava on them. But I have none of that off-hand. Sad.

Oh yeah. The 4th of July fireworks were moved to tonight, due to rain.

I think a lot of my sudden crankiness and misanthropy is due to PMS. I like that this is a logical possibility, and makes sense. Like, today I had to suppress the urge to randomly cry while getting frustrated during practicing. That is a fairly not-me thing to do. PMS makes me angry or upset at seemingly mundane things.

While it’s great that there could be a reason for my random crankiness, I just want it to go away! So I can carry on being happy and carefree around people and not all whiny and upset at the cello. Damn stuff.

On the other hand, I am playing Brandenburg 3 on a faculty concert next week! With faculty!!

Also, it turns out I am not hopeless at public speaking. Or at least that I’m not the nervous wreck I once was.

During communications class was when I discovered this. It was also the point at which I discovered what the very British teacher for this week thinks of me. She was giving us an example of checking our your audience, and really looking at them and thinking about them. And so she started saying aloud what she thought of a few of us. One kid was “yes, he’s a very hard worker, but sometimes he tries too hard.” And another was “she’s quite shy, but very lovely.” And then she turned to me and said “this one is very well-behaved, but also very mysterious.” Haaahahahaha. And it’s true! I mean, it’s true if you only know me as an acquaintance from a class. It’s probably better that she not know the truth. That “mysterious” could very well be replaced with “batshit crazy!”

Kind of. Sort of.

I have three minutes.

A Little Hard On Myself

listening to: jill sobule – the jig is up

I am bummed out.

At first, hearing every single thing I needed to work on was great. These were things nobody had ever told me I needed to fix, not even my teacher at home. It was like a whole heap of knowledge that I could use for my own advantage, to help myself, to make things better. I felt like my brain was on fire for a good five days. I felt unstoppable.

I think I am suffering from information overload. I didn’t blog about my lesson on Tuesday, but it was…well…there’s a lot lot more, even still. It didn’t hit me until yesterday when we had our studio class that I have no idea what to do with myself or my problems anymore, because they are just too numerous. Even though I was told the things I needed to fix directly, those things became trifling in comparison to the mass of problems I am now hyper-sensitive to. And I wonder if I can actually do this, at all, ever. I honestly have no idea what I’m supposed to do, because now I just feel like a festering, walking mass of technical problems.

For a while, I wondered why Brandon could never lay into me in this way of telling me every detail of things I need to fix. But now I see partly why and it has made me realize why Brandon is such a great teacher, and how another person may be able to tell it like it is but it may not get me anywhere in the end. I like how Brandon finds a few big things in my playing that need fixing, and works with me on them until I understand what I need to fix, and we fix them, one by one. And then we move on. Thinking about the last two weeks, as well, I have to laugh out loud when I think of how he apologizes for “being so picky” in my lessons.

I think that while it’s important for a teacher to help fix technical problems and let the student know what’s going on that needs help, it’s just as important to keep a student from being overwhelmed and keep them on focus with a few major problems at once.

Yesterday in our studio class, Beiliang played Chopin amazingly! It was so good, all I could do was sit there and grin at her while she played. And I admire her so much for her character as a human, just as much as her playing. And when she finished, Amit complimented her amazingly, telling her that she could go anywhere by changing her playing that quickly and being so flexible. But simultaneously, everyone else got a “the rest of you are too stubborn and unwilling” lecture. I felt like that was a little bit unfair to the rest of us (though I everything he said about Beiliang was true, and completely deserved!). I don’t like that myself and at least one or two others in the studio have been beating their brains out due to all our various collective problems for the last week, and then we’re told we’re not trying hard enough.

Or maybe we needed to hear that. I don’t know. All I know is I really don’t have the brain-power or energy to figure things out right now. Which is a damn shame, since I’m supposedly playing all of Debussy on a student concert next Monday. Aaaaaaaaaugh.

I need someone to tell me what I’m doing wrong, but I also need direction and focus on one or two things at a time.

I am frustrated.

I guess I need to remember that this is a summer program, and it must be hard for a teacher to figure out what to say with only 4 lessons together. That’s not a terribly long amount of time.

In case you want to know the two problems I’ve excavated from playing in studio class yesterday, it’s that I’m a) far too quiet and will never fill a hall (awesome!) and that b) I don’t know how to use my entire bow and change bows well doing so.

I think I might be a little hard on myself, these days.

Introversion, Oy!

I realized some time in the last six months or so that my introverted tendencies were really hurting me. It’s easy when you have another introverted person with whom you can spend all your time, especially outside the realm of the music school. But when that no longer exists, then it’s just me. And it was fine, being on my own most of the time, just reading and messing around on the internet and kind of dreaming of a more exciting point in time.

But I realized that if I didn’t get over my “I would rather just stay in and not hang out with people” ways, I would probably never get out of them. It was like an introversion black hole, or something.

So when I came here, to a place filled with people, PEOPLE all the time, I remembered all the other summer programs I participated in that were so awful for me socially, as an introvert. ARIA and YOA in particular. My having nothing to say and a desire to move around and do things by myself led me to being by myself, and feeling alienated when other people were around. And I worried this summer would be the same.

So far it’s not. I love the people I’ve met here, and I’ve been having a very fun, loud, rambunctious time for the last almost two weeks. I’ve been amazed at how outgoing and talkative and laughing and friendly I’ve been, and all because I suddenly no longer cared about how people saw me.

But tonight for the first time, I really felt it. The introvert strain. The desire to walk around by myself and be sulky and kind of loathe the loudness and general mindlessness that is other people. Hey, I mean, don’t get me wrong! Nearly two weeks! I should get a cookie! Or ice-cream every other night (which I’m getting). Good for me!

It doesn’t stop what I’m feeling, though, which is tired and sick of music talk.

It was interesting to observe what happened, and how and when it happened, though. I was just walking around, with a group of people. And they were talking about famous music-makers or groups or history and suddenly I genuinely had nothing to say. And then just as suddenly I was bored, but everyone else seemed not-bored, so then I felt alienated and then I just wanted to scamper off on my own and be loath-some and re-charge some energy by myself. It didn’t help that I couldn’t really do that at the time.

The thing about when I get like that is that people either a) don’t really take note of me, which makes me feel either ambivalent or frustrated or b) notice that I’m being quiet and not really evidently responsive to what other people are saying, and then they wonder if I am about to cry or murder them. It’s a problem.

I’m sure things will return to normal. I’m tired, for sure. Cello things can’t help. I feel like I’ve been fed too much information in the last week and now I’m stuck. Trapped. I have no idea what to do to fix things. I’m a little depressed when it comes to my playing, which is natural in the scheme of things and of improving and figuring out problems out and just dealing with problems, but which really sucks when you’re at a bloody freakin’ performance institute.

Supposedly I’m playing Debussy in the student concert next week. This comes with the possibility that I might fatally whack my head on something before then.

Right now, I want to be home and watching Buffy. Not in my Academy dorm-room that still smells like feet.

Yelling Is Fun

listening to: luminous orange – utatane no hibi


So, I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this here but…I’m done being a doormat. I’m done being nice and smiley for people just because I want to be polite, or make them happy, or get on their good side so they’ll feel that I’m “nice.” Because…honestly, I’m creeped out when people describe me as being “nice.” I am friendly, yes, though sometimes a little withdrawn and held back. But honestly? It’s like MST3k inside my head. Maybe 85% of the time. The truth of it all is that I am actually pretty feisty. That I am actually a little more insane than I let on to most people. Even people who try and meet me from the internet.

That said, I have a new “yelling at people” policy. That policy states that if your actions or your words somehow upset or frustrate me, or simply get on my nerves, I will quite possibly yell at you.

Seriously. I am more and more coming out of my shell and into the open air, and it’s great. I am actually yelling at people. As we speak. I am becoming my father. Don’t cross my path. This means you.

Oh Hai!

listening to: enon – high society
Oops. I’m bad at stuff.

But seriously. I’m bad at stuff. Blogging the last couple of days. Using my entire bow. Knowing how to distribute bow. Knowing what speed to use. Lots of things involving the bow, in general.

Also, posting links. Here are about 800 photos from our mountain-climbing adventure on Saturday.

It’s funny how tackling a few obvious problems in my playing only serves to excavate about 100 more. Funny and also kind of crap. But I’m dealing with it.

And I GET TO PLAY BRANDENBURG 3 IN A FACULTY CONCERT NEXT WEEK!! I am only about 110% excited to have been picked. So that’s awesome. See? My over-articulate right AND left hands are good for something! Like Bach! Hah!

In other things, ice cream is awesome and I think I’ve been to Bailey’s like five times now. Which is pretty good for 1.5 weeks. It also might be bad. But it’s ice-cream. And they have amazing flavors. And you get two scoops in a kid’s size, which is more than enough.

In fangirly things, I SO WANT TO MARRY DAVID TENNANT. LIKE YOU HAVE NO IDEA. That could maybe translate into “Doctor Who is driving me very quickly into some fangirly madness.” Beware.

I am quickly losing my brain-using abilities for the night. Hoo.