listening to: matt haimovitz – menevse
I’ve been noticing I have problems writing about specific events, such as big days I’ve had. I highly suspect this is simply a motivational problem. Let’s see what happens…nnow!
Soooo. Today I had my audition for Youth Orch of the Americas, along with Beth and Anne. It was a good experience, and an especially good one for having other people along with you.
We left school around 11:30, after a fairly awesome session of 408. And drove the 3 hours to IU in Bloomington, Indiana. Because Anne and I are awesome, neither of us had written the 150-words-or-less essay on what we hoped to gain from being a member of YOA yet. At least half the drive over was spent with both of us doing so, and Beth helping us out with her mad word-sculpting skills. I did not write much, in my desire to avoid writing an overly verbose and ridiculous-sounding bit. I am okay with this. I’m sure nobody cares to read what I wrote, but you know something? This is my blog, and I enjoy subjecting the readers to ridiculousness, and sometimes even PAIN. So here is what I wrote:
What I hope to gain from being a member of YOA is a greater sense of community, cooperation and communication as both a musician and a person. Fostering the ability to work in a professional setting with one another is something I feel is extremely important to musicians at the collegiate level. I can imagine no better way to acquire this experience than to spend my summer working with over one hundred fellow musicians from around the world.
As Beth told me upon my reading it to her in the car, “that’s pleasant…”
We finally arrived (arove?) at IU. I have not been in Bloomington, IN since I was about 10, and their campus is lovely. Lovely lovely lovely. Just saying. The auditions were being held in a weird and carpeted auditorium in their gargantuum Memorial Union. We got there with about a half-hour for me to warm up, as I was going first. Some people may go “EEE! That’s not enough time!” But no. That was the perfect amount of time for me to play through everything, get my sound going, and then say “aaaaah. How very ready I am, to play an audition.”
And then I went and played an audition!
Okay. If you don’t like hearing about audition/performance nerves, just go away. Now. Nobody here likes you.
But…I have to say it. For the first time since before I was about nine years old and realized that people are actually listening to you and that’s occasionally scary, I was not nervous. At all. I was completely okay with this, except maybe a little bit “what the hell.” Because…yeah. I don’t know if this is just because…I’m finally getting over some of my weird performance/audition anxiety or just because I was randomly really just not paying much attention to life as I know it. But whatever it was, it was strange, but nice.
Being calm before and during the audition, however, did not mean that I did not get tense, and start letting my thoughts over-take my musical sense. I did some very nice things, musically. I stayed very rhythmic and in tempo and good in intonation except for a few RIDICULOUSLY STUPID shifts. But…something was missing. I couldn’t just sit down and make things flow. My brain was in a little bit of a “ooh, we’re being recorded!” lock-down, and this was a problem. But…my BODY! My body was okay!
So I don’t know. Overall, I played well. But not well enough. I did quite a few imperfect things. And I know, nobody’s perfect. But a few clean and more articulate notes can be the difference between touring Europe for a month in the summer and…not. What’s cool to realize is that I know that I can fix this stuff. I know that by taking more auditions, I can figure out how to let my slightly stiff arms go freely and make my stupid brain just SHUT UP. And maybe obtain the ability to play my very best in front of people who will be critically judging my playing. And not just in my practice-room.
After our audition, I experienced the joys and sorrows of moving harps. Those things are big. The drive back was very rainy, filled with cool lightning, but generally good.
At some point in the day, we stopped at a Walgreens in Indiana, and picked up extremely on-sale valentine’s day chocolate. I should have an internal warning buzzer to keep me from buying chocolate. Because with my ridiculous habits of the past week, I consumed too much of it in the car, and now I itch. Have I mentioned here that I’m slightly allergic to chocolate? Because in case I haven’t, I am, and that bites. Only because…I still eat it. And then I itch. Aieeee.
Longest entry ever.
I took a few pictures. Every single one of Beth is blurry. WHAT DOES IT MEAN?