Cello Rehab

listening to: kimono – japanese policeman

I have always prided myself in my ability to set my alarm for the correct time and then be up when I need to be. Never have I unknowingly set my alarm to pm and instead of am. Until this morning…

This morning I was fortunate enough a) not to have conducting in the first place and b) to wake up 30 minutes before my 10am lesson, not after. He laughed when I told him I’d barely made it to the music building on time, and gave me a piece of short-bread I really am glad to have eaten in consideration of the fact that I didn’t have time for breakfast.

It was actually a good lesson. Basically, I have been admitted to my own private cello rehab. But that’s good. I am figuring out how to use the bow. I have never been able to properly use the bow. If I learn now to keep a solid right hand but a flexible arm and a straight bow path, the control in my sound will improve by about 100%. And thus I am in cello rehab.

Also, now I am getting like…3 offers for a place to stay that is non-hotel (Tony insists that it would be easier just to stay at his house). What should I do? I have until 4pm today to cancel my reservation (and one hour between 2 and 3 to cancel it). Should I cancel? Advice? Help? Please?

Signing off for now,
The neurotic one, herself

P.S. I was wrong. This weekend is Iowa’s homecoming. Holy crap. And…I apologize to all Illini out there, but I am most definitely rooting for the Hawkeye’s. Hey. It’s not like I transferred because I felt I had to honor the Illini in all of their Big Ten sportsy ways.

P.P.S. People suck. But not you. Oh, no. The readers rock.

edit: decision made. I will update with a report of all the action at the soonest opportunity.

Black Hole Sun, Won’t You Come

listening to: soundgarden – black hole sun

Aaaah, Soundgarden. The band whose music was an under-lying and omni-present part of my angsty angsty junior high days. And whose songs were very bizarrely covered by Cibo matto. Oh, memories. Crap. Why am I listening to them again…

Anyway. Scratch a lot of stuff from the previous post. I am not camping out on my teacher’s couch and I do NOT feel like a homeless person anymore because: I booked a hotel room! Which makes me feel weirdly adult-ish. Taking an independant trip to a festival and staying BY MYSELF. I don’t have the mentality of a 12-year-old, no, not me *shifty eyes and runs around shreiking merrily*

This will be better for everyone, though. I imagine Tony is probably going to have his hands full with other people. Though I was sort of imagining up a good time of sitting and conversing with a handful of cello teachers, late into the night. God damn.

To answer your question, m.e.d., no. No central heating for Talia. There are two small heater-things attached to the walls, one in my bed-room and another in the bathroom, but nothing in the central room. I have identifed the kitchen as the warmest room in the apartment, as it has the gas stove (which is always a little warm) and has no windows in it. But sleeping in the kitchen is probably a bad idea. *thinks about that one book she read for Japanese Culture called Kitchen, and people sleeping in front of refridgerators* I will make do, though. I’ll find a way to keep some of the cold air from coming through the windows. Or something.

So anyway. YAAAAAAY!! Oh, and, something kind of amusing (to me): Saturday is also the Iowa vs. Illinois game at U of Iowa. What the crap. At least it’s not homecoming again. That was scary.

Camping Out

listening to: icy demons – desert toll

This song is…interesting. It’s something I stumbled across over at Rocketboom.

Alright. I take back that “eeheehee”s. But that’s okay. I have found a place to stay after all. It seems I may be camping out on my old cello teacher’s couch. Which…is actually awesome!

I have to say, all of this frantically searching for a place to stay for one night, asking every person in the area that I am at all acquainted with, contemplating sleeping in the back of my car, it all kind of makes me feel like a homeless person. And for some reason I don’t mind that.

Man. It’s cold out there. And you can tell it’s officially fall when your hair smells like chimney smoke. Seriously. If I walk around outside for more than five minutes and there is smoke in the air, my hair starts to smell like that smoke, and then I carry around the scent for…er, a while.

Also, my apartment is SO COLD. I am contemplating obtaining some sort of space heater, or stealing our electric portable radiator from home, because it’s c-c-c-coooldd-d. I mean, it got down to like 40 last night and I almost died. What’s going to happen in January when it drops below zero at night??

Never Important

listening to: stereolab – the man with 100 cells

Okay. Just one thing: EEEEEHEEHEEHEEEEE!!!

That’s all.

Well, also, I slept like crap. But I did have a dream that I was out grocery shopping and I ran into m.e.d., who had given up school to become a major female race-car driver. Interessant…

Wasting Time On The Intarweb Is Fuuuun

listening to: number girl – yaruse nakio の beat

Things:

1. It is raining (a lot) and there is no longer water dripping from the AC unit onto the floors! Rejoice (horaay)!

2. I am tired of sectionals and having to attempt to run them and most likely bore people into oblivion.

3. I just today came across the video-blog know as Rocketboom. It is sort of like the boingboing/kottke for LAZY people (the version of the internet which I subscribe to), in 3-minute daily-video form, with cool news and links. Mostly I was sold by this episode from the 27th, linked off of Blogger Buzz, which amused me more than I would like to admit. And also got the song Why do the Stars Twinkle at Night stuck in my head for most of today.

4. Kerry and I went out for Chinese tonight, as we sometimes do. And while sitting at a booth near the buffet area, there was suddenly a deep male voice saying “TALIA” quite loudly into my ear, and I pretty much jumped out of my seat while restraining myself from jabbing the guy in the eye with my fork until I saw it was Ben. You know. The one who accompanies myself and others and likes to make fun of me for my isms and oddities? Ha ha. Yeah. That one. But it’s okay. We like Ben. “We” being “everybody.”

I have the chills and it is still raining and now iTunes is playing Jack’s Lament from Nighmare Before Christmas, and somehow it feels like Fall is about to explode all over everything.

Mirrormask is out on Friday. And I want to see it BADLY. But it’s never going to show around here. Anansi Boys is out right now, and I would obsessively go obtain it but YEE SIGNED COPY!!!! <3 Rebecca.

Oh, New Music

Once again, I am in the library and should not be blogging. Yada yada, whatever.

We finished soundcheck about ten minutes ago. And now I’m just waiting. If anybody reads this in the next 30 minutes and lives in C-U, you should come to this New Music recital at 7:30 in Krannert’s Great Hall. It will be cool.

I was just checking my university email account, and the first thing I noticed after waiting for the ungodly slow library computers to log me in was that I was using up approximately 80% of my 15 mb of space. I know I’m not very good at deleting things immediately, and that I do have a somewhat sad build-up of crap, but 80%?? And then I noticed an email from Simin, approxiately 4.5mb. It turned out to be pictures of les kid.

Sigh. I hope I don’t suck. But the beauty of the thing is that if I do suck, nobody will know. WAHAHAHA. Oh, new music.

Kuru Kuru

listening to: pizzicato five – darlin’ of discotheque

Whoa. Hello there, open blogger window I completely forgot about.

Blarn. I have to serve jury duty. I guess you can only defer once in this state –or in my home county, or whatever– which I did when I sent in my excuse-form thing earlier this year for the first summons I recieved. The lady at the commissions office had me cornered, so I had to agree to an early June trial-time. Freakin’ A. My mom told me she was thinking of calling the commissions office for me and offering her services in place of mine (because she is secretly bitter about having lived in that town for 20 years and never once receiving a summons). But then she apparently laughed and went “naaah.”

Stupid. Jury. Summons. I will set you on FIRE.

I guess I really am roadtripping (in a sense) this weekend. I will let all the world in on the details later.

Right. No more obsessive-compulsive blogging for me tonight.

P.S. These realistic fan-art drawings of Mario and Luigi I found over at kottke.org are somewhat creepy…

Neurotic Monday Update

listening to: zazen boys – zazen bo ii

Why do I keep being called in for jury duty in my home county?? This is the second time in one year! And now you can’t just send in a request to defer on the information sheet they mail you. You have to call in and attempt to reach an actual person and if you are me you get an answering machine and hope to god they actually attend to that crap. Otherwise I will be in VIOLATION OF THE FRICKIN LAW.

Also, my dad left a message on my voicemail all like “WHO IS PAYING RENT??” when I thought we had discussed that they would pay rent and I would handle all utilities/fees through my checking. They’re going to be the ones depositing money for rent into my checking account on a monthly basis since they’re paying for rent anyway, if that’s the case. And that would be fine if it weren’t for the fact that my bank is based in Normal and thus requires me to call home and basically delay the updating of my checkbook balance to whenever my parents are available, which is less than I would like. RAAAAAWHER.

In non-cranky anti-business things, I think I’m roadtripping this weekend. Honestly though, it would be a greatly cello-inclusive form of roadtripping, but that’s not exactly out of the norm. It’s still an uncertain thing. It does make me think I should check up on my car’s mobility status in terms of tire-pressure and necessary fluids. Woo!

I should really do something productive on my off-time and not read Dinosaur Comics. Stupid Dinosaur Comics.

Aaaahaha, hahahaha. Hah.

It’s Never Enough…

listening to: ampop – cold facts

My neighbors are probably perplexed by my 1-am yelling thing.

Um…anyway. This has been in a plastic frame on my sister’s fridge for a couple years. And now it’s my facebook profile picture. And you know…sometimes I love me. And my crazy family.

100_2905_1

Man. It’s sick how I pretty much ceased to practice this week, due to rehearsals and studying and insanity and laziness. And yet I managed to isolate and start fixing a REALLY HUGE TECHNICAL PROBLEM. I think there is a lot to be said for mental practicing/contemplation away from an instrument.

So anyway. I sound good. I mean, better than I usually do. But I was also given a very good piece of advice which is: remember that the string is what supports the bow. Because it’s true that I spend so much time trying to adjust my right arm that I forget this fairly vital thing.

I need to stop playing We Love Katamari. It’s addicting in a way I don’t recall the old one being so. I think it has to do with the completely various levels. And the fact that no matter how well you roll up your katamari, it’s NEVER GOOD ENOUGH for stupid King of Cosmos. NEVER. Ruff.

I must mention it again: the soundtrack is awesome. I’m starting to think it might be even moreso than the last.

Why aren’t I asleep?? Damn 8am conducting.

What My Saturday Nights Encompass…

listening to: cranberries – put me down

A good hour of this evening was dedicated to stalking my teacher. Which is really sad. Kyra and I have this habit of taking random walks right past his house, since he lives all of two blocks away. And when rambling past his house back in the direction of our place we saw there was a CAR parked out front, and that there were LIGHTS on everywhere. And we figured it was just him. So we almost wanted to knock on the door to say hi and see how things were going. Except when Kyra first said “let’s go,” I said “let’s leave him alone, he’s probably tired.” But when Kyra said that he definitely wouldn’t mind us stopping by just to say “hi,” my response was something along the lines of: okay, whatever. If you think it’s a good idea, then that’s cool. But naturally as soon as I said that, she BALKED. So we were just standing across the street from his house. Trying to decide what to do (or rather, me just waiting for what Kyra decided, since I wouldn’t do something like that on my own).

And then suddenly he appeared in one of the upstairs windows. And we BOLTED down the sidewalk. And I ran head-first into some low-hanging branches (hey, it was DARK out!). And some guy who had just pulled into his driveway yelled “don’t run in the streets!” And we were both terribly amused. Probably moreso than we should have been.

And…man am I sad. But you know, it’s hard not to be curious.

Okay, call me crazy, but I’m POSITIVE –after playing enough of We Love Katamari— that NOMIYA MAKI (of Pizzicato Five) sings one of the songs. As does DOKAKA. Also, there seems to be another something by Niinuma Kenji, and that stuff is hott. One more reason that this is the best game in the Universe. Aaaarh!

Hmmm. Just hmmm.

Damn You, Cowbear!

listening to: nirvana – stay away

Yay! My thin-model PS2 adapter doesn’t apply for recall! *continues playing We Love Katamari obsessively*

Dude. You know how I said it’s the same game? Well, it sort of is, but there’s a TON more crap to roll up in general. And I really enjoy the variety of levels. And the music in the game is STILL fabulous. What I still don’t enjoy are those damn cow/bear levels. DAMN YOU, COWBEAR! Hmm. Or maybe it’s Bearcow. I don’t know.

Okay, lesson of the day is to not be stupid and awkward like me. I went out into corporate/shopping-land this afternoon, for a few provisions. And I did not realize that this was a University football-game day, no I did not. And so I unthinkingly wore my Iowa t-shirt. You know. The black one? With “IOWA” printed in giant gold letters on the front? That I obtained while I was still a student there? That one. And maybe you have to live in a Big Ten college-town marooned in the Midwest to understand the absurdity of what you come across on game days. There is orange and blue EVERYWHERE, even in the Target a good five miles from campus. You can’t escape it. Parents taking their kids out for provisions. And so I got all kinds of looks for my idiotic and mindless representation of my former school. DON’T DO IT.

I guess the kid (you know, THE kid) was born this morning around 2am, and that there were no complications! Huzzah! I’m an aunt!! a…something. Okay, basically, I’m the student of a teacher who had a kid. But IT’S STILL COOL! YAAY!

Actually, I’ll never be an aunt. Because my sister has specifically told me she is never having children, ever. For some reason she thinks it’s completely my responsibility to pass on our crazy genes. HAH. I should NEVER have kids. It’s like Nate said when I informed him I had to babysit three kids one night a way long time ago. “You? And CHILDREN?? You probably run around after them with a broom yelling ‘git off the dang roof!'”

Woof.

Behold The Cuteness Of Cats In Sinks

listening to: buffalo daughter – mirror ball

Holy crap!! Simin’s having a baby! At this very moment (and most likely for the next several hours…)! We got the call right around seven from Adrian. And the reactions of myself and the other three people I was with actually reminded me of when I was in Japan on Lake Shikotsu with the other three girls on the exchange program, rocking over crazy waves in a swan-boat: EVERYONE was shrieking but me. It’s awesome that this is happening right now for a few reasons: 1) IT’S ABOUT TIME and 2) Simin actually said it would happen this Saturday and BAM. It’ll be happening on Saturday. It’s probably safe to assume that I’m not having that 11am lesson with Brandon tomorrow…

Wow. Mazel Tov to my teacher and his wife!

I’m having random introversion problems today (baha, just today?). I had my day, which was long and mind-numbing and rehearsal filled to the point where I was whimpering. And then I spent about an hour feeling awkward and unpleasant in front of a small group of friends.

I don’t know what it was. Sitting up with three other girls who wanted to gossip and talk about the lives of other people in a secretive, hand-over-mouth manner and philosophize about their own existence as though we are all the most glorified beings in the universe. It made me angry. DON’T YOU HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO?? my brain decided to howl. I just can’t participate in that kind of socializing at the moment. Or maybe ever. I privately analyzed the crap out of my very being over the summer. If I have to hear one more theory of the state of my spiritual existence and core being, I may scream. We’re all just people. We come and go. Nothing is permanent. Stop talking and DO something, please.

And then I came back to the pad and found this article, via Kottke.

Heh, oops.

Seriously, though. The part about needing two hours of alone-time to recover from every hour of socializing in a large group? That fits my description more than anything else. I mean, this doesn’t go for my behaviour around everyone. There are some people who I could hang around forever and not be frustrated. And on principal, I can do pretty well with almost anybody for a somewhat extended period of time one-on-one. And then there are just other people who I can only take small doses of at a time. But the thing is that since the beginning of the year, I’ve been pretty good around everyone. I want to honor requests of time being spent together. I want to be everybody’s friend. But today I lost it and I closed it out and do you know something? I hardly cared. The sudden switch of temperament made me go through a few rounds of “…the hell,” but here I am. Still no longer caring. In addition, I’ve also found that all I ever really do in front of people during the school-day is act. Pretend. Play nice. Maybe it’s just the fatigue or the apathy talking, but last time I checked, I wasn’t known for being sweet and caring. Or even nice.

I apologize for that. I just suck in dealing with people is all.

I finally got ahold of We Love Katamari. And it’s quite lovely. There are some little things about the old game that I miss, but then there are some new things that are squeal-worthy. Such as when you’re walking around the “meadow,” some crazy beat is emmitted. And you can change that beat to a 3-beat waltz-pattern, and if you’re walking around any of your “cousins,” they join you in dancing to it. But what’s cool is that you can “run” as well, which doubles the original beat and KNOCKS OVER your cousins when you run into them. God. In essence, though, it’s the same game.

So…the house next door has roses randomly growing right next to the side-walk. And that would be great if I didn’t get caught on the thorns every time I try to walk past in the dark. But they do have a ridiculously cute calico cat that seems to saunter up to me half the time when I’m exiting the building. Which reminds me…

Cats. In sinks. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?? I think I spent like 15 minutes staring at various cats in sinks. You ought to do the same.

With Our Big Sharp Fangs And Long Thin Bangs…

listening to: enon – nightmare of atomic men

As it turns out, knowing stuff is handy for things like history tests. I sure hope I know stuff. Stuff about motets. And Franconian notation. And Hildegard von Bingen (She was cool. And possibly very crazy, or accidentally hyped up on plants with hallucinatory capabilities. Oops).

Okay. Conducting seminar, then test, then Makan’s piece, then QUARTET OH MY GOD (we haven’t rehearsed in a week).

Speaking of quartet, would you people (you people really being The Pacifica) PLEASE STOP looking at us like we’re MENTAL when you hear we’re playing Vaughan Williams?! He wrote quartets, for christ sake, and they’re actually GOOD! I swear!

A Strict Policy Of No People

listening to: bela fleck, mike marshall, edgar meyer – the big cheese

Man. You can’t not be happy when you’re listening to savvy blue-grass like this.

I was not particularly happy last night. It turns out that I really miss my old bed. It turns out I miss a lot of things. But I have a passport now. That’s a good thing. It means I can spend a week of November in Köln. Which I like.

For the first time in a while I feel gross and out-of-shape. But when do I have time for running? Maybe tonight.

I also do not do well with the “not being an introvert” thing. Really. I like not encountering anybody. Ever.

I need to eat and then get ready for this inauguration concert. And not feel so randomly gloomy. And I also need to reply to comments.

Jamie: Yeah. Your room really DID get a weird makeover. I’m glad I’m not alone on this one. It’s just weird to me that my room has the same set-up but a different bed and it bothers me so much.

Erik: Aaaw, nobody should have to go without a cello. You should smuggle yours back. Or steal one. Or something. And yay, comment! I have missed you and your comments, and I should really linkify you now that you seem to have another established place of blogging.

Thinking Not Allowed Here

listening to: the king singers – il est bel et bon

Tonight I experienced the first completely honest feeling of regret that had nothing to do with Iowa City for leaving the U of Iowa. I can’t remember the last time I’ve had to restrain myself from bursting into tears so many times over such a short period of time.

But no, it was good. I’m fine. I’m glad I did what I did. I asked for a challenge and I recieved a challenge. I may not always be happy, but I’m really learning how to do some stuff on the cello (I would say this is reflected in my awesome sound and where I ended up in the orchestra and how I personally feel about my own playing). I’m also learning how not to let the rest of the world get to me. I’m learning how to cope with stress. And frustration. And living in a place that I do not like. I’m also just learning how to be myself amidst a group of people who make me feel like I should conform.

But no. Still crazy, flaily Talia who will not be seen amidst one single group of people for more than 10 minutes at a time.

My one thought is really just…that I’m having all these doubts about performance because it feels empty to me. But if I had stayed where I was, even if I had an easier time of learning to play, would I have been happier? And would I have been more accepting and open to this profession? What is my damage??

Also, I feel kicked out of my house because my parents got rid of the 25 year old bed I’d been sleeping on since I was about 9. That thing was so old and weird and foam-ish. Having a real bed in my room makes me realize how short and narrow that thing was, and how I’ll never adjust to a full-size bed.

UI Symphony is playing for some crazy inauguration tomorrow, and my copy of We Love Katamari is waiting for me at EB. Two totally unrelated topics coming together in one soul-crushing sentance.

I need to go to bed before my brain tells me to think ANY MORE.

El Grillo E Buon Cantore…

listening to: jill sobule – clever

I officially no longer care about pt 1 of my 313 test. I know the listening, and I probably know the scores, and I just sort of hope I know the other few terms we’ll have to relate to the scores. Bah. I’ll be fine.

Is it sad how much I really enjoy medieval and renaissance music?? Because I do, and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. NO-THING. I keep seeing works in the anthology and CD that I’ve sung in madrigal form, before. And then I flail and drop things and people look at me and I go “I SANG THIS!” and they nod and go “right” and then move away, and I go “El Grillo! The Cricket! Seriously! I know the words! In ITALIAN!” and then I start singing something along the lines of “El gril-lo e buon can-tor-e che tie-ne long-o ver—so!” in a sing-songy, somewhat frightening manner and then people REALLY start to move away.

Okay. Not really. But I almost do that at even the mere MENTION of Il est bel et bon, which has got to be the best madrigal in existence. Oh heck. I’ll just upload it for the occasion. And listen to it about 8 times more. Love that stupid madrigal.

P.S. Did you know that El Grillo is part of the Public Domain?? I did not. You can even go here and look at the first line of a modern score and listen to a really sad sort of midi version of it.

Uhm…yeah. I should really…go. To conducting seminar. Man. I really hope that Schleicher says “redundancy department of redundancy” again today…

Frack

listening to: björk – selmasongs

I’m starting to really enjoy playing Bleed Through, the piece that’s being done by this small ensemble in a very Bang-On-A-Can manner. The composer came to our rehearsal tonight, and good things are happening. Unlike last week’s set of rehearsals, I don’t mind giving up my evenings for this ensemble. The professor directing us told us about how he makes up words to help him find tempos, and that last year he ended up randomly constructing a word that was a Polish swear word (obviously without knowing it), when by sheer coincidence the violinist in the group was Polish. She approached him and asked “You don’t know Polish, do you?” Oops.

We perform next Tuesday night, if anybody out there likes that kind of extensive listening-experience and is in the area.

In cello things, sometimes when I talk to people in my studio about our studio and the people in it and how we play, I get the feeling that we think we’re God’s gift to cello playing. We’re not. I mean, I like my studio. Everyone has such a varying dynamic, and it’s cool. But personally, I’m done trying to convince myself that we’re the best of the best, and that we’re “special.” Because we’re not. We’re a group of good students with a great teacher, but when it comes down to it, that’s all we are: students. Maybe this is my trademark pessimism talking. Or maybe it’s my hopeless feelings about performing that have yet to diminish from this summer.

I apologize to those who in any way tried to converse with me today. For some reason, all I could really do was nod and respond to anything with “…yeah.” Some days all I want to do is lurk behind something and watch other things happening.

I think I may need to rearrange my room. There are windows on every wall, and my bed is wedged in the far left corner, parallel to the doors into the livingroom. And every time I wake up, I’m sure that the door/windows have rearranged themselves, and that the bed is really pointing north instead of East. Trivial this may sound, but it is VERY. DISCONCERTING.

One of my many teachers from around, Tony, is giving a recital tomorrow night. I’m excited to see him again. I may even burst into tears!!!! WAHOO.

I really need to go to bed. The 8am class wills it to be so. The test in 313 wills it to be so. Frack.

Comment Spam = Crap

Woo, library entry.

Comment spam is fun.

I found that other post that randomly disappeared from yesterday. Somehow it managed to end up in that Everything We Do Is Music blog from a while back. Interesting.

Also, blogger is AWESOME! I totally hadn’t seen their newly altered front-page, since I usually just stay logged in all the time. But it’s AWESOME. Go look now. Now, I say!

What You Believe Is What You See

listening to: brian eno – mother whale eyeless

Hmm. Was gonna blog about something. But WHAT?

Oh, right.

I had an “extra lesson” today. Which may not necessarily have been fun, but was most certainly productive, and revealing.

I think I should take this moment to state that I have come a long way in the past two years. Heck, in the past four years. I have had a lot of weird technical problems with my playing, and still do, as I am finding out. The frustrating thing is that my teacher and I have been discovering about 3 per lesson lately, and it’s never quite clear to me which one it is I’m supposed to focus on primarily. Last week it was left-hand position and keeping the fingers ready and close to the fingerboard to avoid over-articulation.

Today it went from bow angle to right elbow motion and them BAM ended with shoulder. I RAISE my goddamn SHOULDER when I bow. And I have always been doing this, because it’s never even crossed my mind that my shoulder raises when I have to play louder or faster. I was so thrown off by this idea of “keeping the shoulder low” that Brandon literally had to stand over me and hold my shoulder down to demonstrate the feeling to me. Before I left the lesson, I got a “if you can fix this it will dramatically effect your playing,” speech before I the end of the lesson and stepped out feeling a little confused and unsure of how to go about fixing a problem like this. A problem I can only barely identify in myself.

But…but…HE WAS RIGHT!!!!

I spent an hour in a practice-room tonight, just playing open strings and old pieces while watching my shoulder in a mirror and figuring out how regular people bow and AAAAH! The reason I can’t sustain is because I never ever EVER use my elbow to give the forearm its own power. If I use my shoulder to bow, my arm is stuck as one whole unit, as opposed to two long units that pivot at the elbow. And HOLY CRAP! That fixes the bow angle! And…and…you know why my lower left back wusses out on me all the time? YEAH! My freaking shoulder tension!

It’s so weird. How could I have never noticed how stiff and useless my bow-arm is, before? Of course, this is going to take quite a lot of slow brain-sucking practicing to correct, and a lot of time. But just having identified this is good.

I called it quits and hour into practicing, because I didn’t want to further mushify my brain. So I came back to the apartment and cleaned the bathroom. It was a good feeling, cleaning. And the bathroom certainly needed it. Now I just need to take care of this AC-leakage thing.

Right.

Beta Search Wahoo!!

listening to: soundgarden – pretty noose

What the–

I definitely wrote an entry earlier today. ENTRY!! WHERE’D YOU GO?!

Man. I don’t want to go to studio class. I’m not even playing and I don’t want to go. I don’t want to do anything after this weekend.

I should probably leave now, in fact. Damn.

Just one thing first: COOOOL!!

You Know, That Place With The Hill And The Trees?

listening to: smashing pumpkins – for martha

Can’t sleep. Need sleep. Driving to Chicago tomorrow.

Damn this song. This is like the nostalgia song of all nostalgia songs. And it’s been in my head. Thus my listening to it NOOOW.

The recital was fine. And I got free food. Can’t beat that. I also got to wander around with Brandon (non-teacher Brandon) and Diana for a while. Sidenote: if you’re in C-U and somebody ever tells you to go to Hulloc Hill, DON’T LISTEN. LIES, I say.

Oh god. Kerry and I went to Meijer this morning, to get…you know. Stuff. Provisions. And we made the mistake of walking into the pet area, where I nearly EXPLODED when I saw the parakeets. The PARAKEETS, I say. I wanted to take every one of them with me and listen to their chirps until death. Man. I miss the bird (you know, this bird). I know he’s happy in his new home and everything, but I miss his fuzzy head. I miss the bird-growling. I miss the way he openly chews your clothes until you tell him to stop, where he starts pretending to rub an itch on his beak and then starts chews your clothes all over again. The bird loves corduroy. Man. Stupid bird. Who I miss. A lot.

Okay. Will now try to make sleep happen again.

End To A Bizarre Week

listening to: zazen boys – harahetta

I am unbelievably amused at Bill Gates’ response to Google’s “no evil” motto, conveniently summed up by Anil Dash for your viewing pleasure.

It seems that in the last 24 hours, I have grown a back-bone. I have stepped up to the plate of…uh…forward musical motion? Or something? Let me put it this way: adjusting to a position of leadership as a type b personality with tendancies towards social anxiety and complete people-avoidance is NOT an easy thing. But I think now I know how to approach it. And now I remember that I can actually play two parts, and am not totally uncomfortable being loud and a center of attention. I’ll just say it’s not quite like leading sections in high school. Most of my week has been committed to practicing orchestral music. I don’t mind this in the least. But it makes me realize I need to be more careful in how much I choose to play outside of orchestra, quartet, and solo rep.

I wonder if some other people realized some things about this crazy team-work thing they call orchestra, here at this particular school of music. I think so.

My back hurts like HELL. That is by far the worst part of playing so much every day. And of the chairs in the Wesley United Church. I should really see an Alexander technique specialist –since they have them here– to help me figure out what I’m doing to make my back hurt like a MUTHAFUCKAAA.

I had the best cello lesson ever on Thursday. But Simin (Brandon’s wife) is so unbelievably pregnant. I really can’t wait to meet this kid.

What a bizarre week this has been.

Water Water Everywhere

listening to: rasputina – sign of the zodiac

It turns out that when it rains, my AC unit leaks rain-water all over the place onto my floor. This is not a fun thing to discover in the 15 minutes I am home before having to run off again. Thank whatever for my large sauce-pan. And that it stopped raining, because the large sauce-pain would have done nothing after three hours, anyway.

It also turns out that I am up WAY freaking late for someone who has an 8am class. Why am I still up? Go to bed, Talia.

P.S. Fun things are happening over at the ‘ol lj. Yes, oh yes.