SNARKIFICATION TO THE MAX

listening to: takako minekawa – milk rock (cornelius remix)

This is why it is awesome living with Kerry. We can have conversations like this and both be snarkily amused.

Kerry: maybe you need to convert

Talia: to mormonism?

Kerry: yeah

Talia: …

Talia: what kind of a roommate are you?

Seriously. I am finding that I really appreciate the ability to be openly sarcastic and cynical around people. Because a lot of my humor is based off of just that sort of thing. You know that I am comfortable around you if I make snarky comments or just freak out openly at things (okay, and also if I let my attention-span go in front of you, but that is a slightly different can of worms. Here, we’re talking snark). I find that there are 8 million people I am acquainted with who are unbelievably nice and sweet, genuinely-so. These people make me feel like Satan. So naturally I try to turn off (or at least control) the snark-factor. But then I become terribly conscious of this very thing and constrict myself. That’s when I start talking about weather and homework and flowers and bunnies. If you or anyone you know sees this behavior out of me, you are entitled to the throwing-of-the-shoe.

Aside: Any mormons out there, it is nothing personal against you. You are all lovely people and I respect you and never meant to offend you. You just all happen to make me feel like Satan. Yada yada, Dooce rocks, okay, onward!

So anyway. I’m snarky to the max, and I think I just need to learn and accept the fact that there’s nothing wrong with this.

P.S. Blogger, why is your time-stamp being such a narr?!

TAKE THAT, GUILT COMPLEX!

listening to: utada hikaru – hikari

Gah! This song makes me want to play Kingdom Hearts!

I just broke my headphones in the most spectacular manner, ever. I wish the world could have witnessed it and shared in the sheer amusement of it all.

I’m so ridiculously tired. This is one of those days in which I am in no way oriented with the world and the rate at which it moves. Today I just want to lie down underneath a tree and let waves of sleep and sporatic silliness come over me, and let everything else run its course. I want to listen to something pleasant and read something enjoyable (do not mistake “enjoy” for the more common “obsess-over-in-neurotic-manner” that so frequently comes up with me). I want to be invisible and not matter to people. I don’t want to be caught up in this near hysterical bit of preparation and fatigue and uncertainty about what my teacher is going to say to me and my playing after three weeks.

Also annoying is the fact that my lesson has been cancelled for tomorrow to be inevitably rescheduled for the following day(s), and will probably cut in to what I thought was going to be my miniature, actually-means-something-to-me road-trip this weekend (ie, make it so that it does not happen). I know I could be selfish and disappear unexplainably for the weekend, not answer my phone or give the outside world acknowledgement. But I can’t do that. The guilt-complex that courses through my my body and my brain won’t allow for that. I haven’t heard official word yet as to the status of a lesson. And so I am telling myself to compromise a little bit of time for myself, this once, because I really truly personally desire it. I will sacrifice Friday for cello if it is necessary. That’s fine. But Saturday belongs to me.

I really like speculating ahead of time. Way ahead of time. No, no, it’s not obvious on the weblog at all, is it.

I’m not exactly sure why, but photographs of toy cars taken in full-size parking-perspective are comforting.

HMMM, THIS IS JUST HERE BECAUSE I’M STUPID

listening to: bjork – cvalda

It just occured to me that it would be more chronologically sound to post the link to the thing I blog about somewhere close to explanation of the link. Unfortunately with the way the code works, I have to link with either the entry-title or a sad little link at the bottom of the post. Nothing in between (hey, that’s a Stuart song. I should listen for blogger-shared-meaning next time I hear that song).

A good thing that nobody reads my blog: I can post entries of self-dialogue involving blogger code, settings and Stuart references and nobody will ever read them.

A bad thing that nobody reads my blog: That makes the above especially sad. Sad and pathetic.

DEATH AND SORROW AND MURDER

listening to: brainiac – flash ram

Is it just me, or did Stuart Davis seriously post like 10 times today, according to syndicated lj? And to regular syndication feed? But not on his actual page? I don’t think it’s just me.

I inserted a “blog-me” note into my music-theory notebook, because I am awesome. While I was doing so, I happened upon a quote a la Quentin (from Iowa) that I don’t recall inserting. I think this has to do with the way we were being taught music theory:

“I feel like I have a ham sandwich, but it’s being shoved down my throat by the person feeding it to me!”

Sigh. Sometimes I miss being cynical about music theory with that guy…

In aural skills today, some guy came in late, without his sight-singing book, so he sat next to me to look off of mine (which was actually Allie’s, since I’m awesome). We were sightsinging some variations at the time. Our TA then told us that with the next exercise, the girls would sing the first half and guys the second. So the girls (all like four of us) started singing, but then what’s-his-face decided to also sing, but in falsetto. I had to drop out because I was too busy sniggering like the overly-amused clod that I really am. And…I’m one of those rare people in my aural skills class who manages to be moderately loud in singing. So people noticed when I dropped out and started laughing. People like the TA. Stupid falsetto. During madrigals my junior year, we performed a song called “Musical Concoction”, in which there were a series of mini-solos that showed off the parts in a choral arrangement of voices. There was a falsetto solo that JEFF sang, which was extremely amusing in the first place. But who got the solo directly after his? Yours truly, of course. So almost every time we sang that stupid song, EVERY TIME, I would barely have the composure to sing my two-measure solo. I think that Mrs. Corpus must have wanted to throw a shoe at me. A week before the dinners I resorted to thinking thoughts like “DEATH and SORROW and MURDER” in order to keep a straight face, when all I had to sing was “who gives the measure?” Why must I be so easily amused? It is my curse in life.

I have so many random amusing madrigal stories. But ’tis not quite the season, yet. And…yeah.

In the basement, today, I ran into my old standpartner from both District and All-State, my senior year. We were both like “omg you!!”, pointing at eachother for a moment. But it was cool. He takes lessons from the other professor here, though he’s actually in engineering (along with the rest of the world). But yeah. Second month into school people I know from completely random places are still crawling out of the sewers. Or music-buildings. Whatever. Leave me alone!

THINGS

listening to: deerhoof – halfrabbit on a stick

Things:

1) I should make the effort to go to breakfast more often. Damn, did it feel good. Surprisingly, reading Shen Fu for my East Asian Lit class only improved the experience.

2) I would like to thank the orchestra gods or whoever is responsible for the fact that I am playing Prokofiev w/chamber orch, strings don’t have rehearsal this Friday, and simply that there is no rehearsal the Wed and Fri after our concert.

3) I would like to damn the practice gods in advance, for when the Pacifica gets back on Wednesday and I get my ass completely kicked in my lesson on Thursday.

4) Oh my god I’m so going to get my ass kicked in my lesson on Thursday…

5) Why am I such a freaking nard?! But…no, I’m fine. Given, a growling sort of fine, but fine nonetheless.

DON’T KNOW THE HALF OF IT

listening to: television – prove it (why are you so cool, television?)

Earlier I started blogging this entry that was basically just one big whine about how I couldn’t remember what I wanted to blog about. Fortunately, I managed to forget about it and never publish, go do some reading, and then suddenly remember just about everything I had wanted to blab about (or…is that really all that fortunate?).

Okay, first of all, I’m done being crazy (bad crazy, I mean). At least for the time being. It comes in stages. For the moment, we have diagnosed the problem and are dealing with it appropriately (“we” being “I”). I do feel like I could use some Japan-ification, though (Dear Jamie, if you can could cause some completely unexplainable but convenient rift in time allowing for a several-days+ absense, I would be in Japan faster than you could say fhwqhgads). But yeah. I get so stuck in a routine of practice-for-hours, and then return back to the room and just like…sit at the computer. I could be spending that time sitting at the computer actually engaging in nerdy, Japan-inclusive activity such as reading manga, translating manga, or watching something crazy and fun like Bokura no Yuuki. Oh my god. I miss that drama. I should watch Bokura no Yuuki right now.

Oh hell. Well now I’ve forgotten what I wanted to blog about. Oh wait–

Yay! I’m playing Prokofiev in Chamber Orch next concert (as opposed to playing Don Giovanni w/Opera). Yeah. I think that October is just official “Talia-thinks-Russian-music-is-driving-her-diagnosable-sorts-of-insane” month. It sure as hell was last year.

I talked to Laura over the phone tonight, which was lovely. It turns out that I’m going to take a moderate road-trip to IC this weekend. I know what some of you are thinking “omfg, but you’re so whiny that you miss the place. Way to dump salt in your wounds”. Hah! But I think it actually may help. Interestingly enough, I’m finding that the more aware I am of IC being there without me in it, the less weird and anxious I am about not being there. I know that sounds stupid. I think on some weird primal level, I felt that if I was not there, it would not exist the same way. That’s weird. And childish. But I guess I was just that childishly attached to the place, dagnabit.

Anyway, yeah. Stuart‘s going to be there on Saturday, so I may or may not end up going to see him (fyi to Renata or Miriam or any other people who are in the immediate…Iowan area who may also go him).

Aren’t I such a tool? For so many reasons? The blog doesn’t represent the half of it.

I’D SAY I’M SORRY BUT IT’S HARD TO SPEAK WITH BOTH FEET IN MY MOUTH

listening to: phish – you enjoy myself

It sucks when I decide to try and talk. Like, when I feel pressured to say something in front of certain people. What comes out is just…yeah. It makes me think of the song Dunce by Voltaire (yes…Voltaire). Even though I’m not blatantly offending people. Just…spouting crap that makes me go “WHAT’S MY FREAKIN’ PROBLEM?!” (actually, this song does make me think of something else random that happened but didn’t actually involve talking. I mean–I’m not still bitter about people being stupid. Or leaving not-so-subtle hints that I’m bitter in my blog. Or anything. *shakes fist at the world*)

Dear Readers,

I never proclaimed that you must read me, so why are you here?

Sincerely, blog.

Dammit. I hate it when I go crazy over things and then somebody points out the subtle-but-obvious and it just makes me go “Blaarn! Damn! Hell in a hand-cart!” This is me right now.

As the above makes clear, I’m a variety or two of crazy right now. I think I could very well remedy this with some Japanification or some hardcore campus-wander…or, not that. I don’t know what I need. I’ll be fun. Everything is catching on fire–er, I mean, fine.

Wash uffitze drive me to firenze.

THE 4TH DEGREE OF SOUL COUGHING

listening to: number girl – super young

The shuffle function on iTunes sure does like Number Girl. But that’s okay, I guess, because…so do I!

My string quartet (update: I was placed into a string quartet with Masters students) rocks! I am so happy to be able to play with awesome people like these people. We’re playing Mendelsohn and AAAHAHAH it’s lovely! I mean, camp was cool. I was placed with awesome players. But I feel like here, we all share a reasonable idea of how much work we need to do and what to work on and exactly how we are going to work on it. So, yes. Also, how in hell was I placed with grad students? As I am barely 19 and most definitely not a grad-student. That’s all.

Actually, it’s kind of funny because last Thursday, the first-violinist and I discovered that we were both at ARIA the same year. And that’s when I realized that I remembered her perfectly as being in a quartet with cello-Paul and some other Lawrence people. Laura apparently is good friends with Paul as well. So Paul has now said “hi” to me through both Laura and Courtney. Then it turns out that Katherine, our 2nd violinst, studied violin with Andrew, my sister’s boyfriend, and already knew that I was siblng of Erica. Hrrm. I don’t think the music-world could be much smaller. It’s ridiculous. Have I already mentioned that my room-mate at camp was the daughter of a flautist who took oboe and bassoon methods with both my parents at Wichita state? It was funny because I was unloading my crap out of our car at one of the cottages, and my dad sees a car with a Kansas license-plate, goes running up to the driver of the car who is walking to the cottages, just because her license-plate incidates she’s from Kansas, and wham! “Hey! I took lessons from you at Wichita State!” I could also explain the connection I have with Michael Steinberg and thus Sebastian Steinberg, but I won’t boast the 4th degree of Soul Coughing too much.

Today I told somebody that I “had to motor” in reference to being in a hurry. Yep. Go watch Heathers.

Also, Justin needs to get back to school so I can fulfill the threat I made last week and kick his ass. Sorry, pal, but there’s no avoiding it.

NOT OUTFOXED

listening to: siggi armanns – one little cowboy

So…disregard my Firefox complaints in this post. Everything seems to have magically fixed itself. I have not been outfoxed. Which is appreciated.

CAUGHT A LITE SNEEZE, DREAMED A LITTLE DREAM

listening to: tori amos – caught a lite sneeze (live)

Hey! It’s a text-based HHGG game. How very ( <--watched "Heathers" recently)! Via boingboing.

I now realize that I have dropped out of my absurd and unhealthy obsession over Deathstalker. Which is good. Because now I’m not wasting time reading erm “good parts” when I could be doing more productive…things (who am I kidding?). But I’m also starting to realize that I’m too neurotic and anxiety-laden during the school-year to read casually. Like, I have the time. And I try. But I don’t have the same attention-span or mind-set that I do during the summer where I read like 100+ pages per day. Which sucks!! I really want to read, dagnabit! I’m sure part of the problem is that I get distracted and give up really easily. This is something that I’m thinking I can control if I properly exercise the will-power. We’ll see. I’m currently trying to worm my way into Virtual Light.

Aside from the above, nothing else to report.

Although I do keep having dreams about taking on villains after wandering around for days collecting random crap. Wow. It sounds like I’m now dreaming in Chrono Trigger.

NO FRICKIN’ WAY

listening to: luscious jackson – rollin’

Can it be possible that all of the sudden Blogger and Firefox are cooperating and allowing me to witness publishing on my blog?! Can it be so?!

THE SCHTICK WITH ALON…

listening to: yann tiersen – la fenetre

random amusing quotes: “Convening the procedure!!”

“I think that having an official significant other automatically triggers some chemical in your brain that makes you stupid.”

“You guys are dumb, you could be graduating.”

Last night I talked with Lucia. Which, as always, was awesome. But recently, I found something a tad bit peculiar written in my compulsive book that I do not recall inserting, that I thought maybe I should bring to her attention.

Me: Okay. So, I thought it might be good of me to let you know that I found the following written in my compulsive-writing book…

Me: On July 3rd, 1:12am–“Lucia’s friend Alon is very hairy”

Lucia: …

Lucia: AHAHAHAHA!!

Me: …?

Lucia: He is SO hairy!!

We also discussed exactly what it is about me that attracts crazy people. Or at least what I do that doesn’t frighten them off soon enough. Because…seriously. Frowl. Although I guess it’s cool to have a handful of crazy-people stories.

I know this is exactly what happened (or rather, did not happen) last year, but I have one of the coolest ideas for NaNoWriMo. I’m definitely going to be participating this year, even if statistically I will have even less time, considering the fact that I’ve been receiving a major musical ass-kicking so far this year. In any case, I am fond of the said idea. It’s leaving the alternate universe-skipping stuff that I was playing with last year and doing something a little less predictable, maybe? I don’t know. I don’t feel like talking too much about my ideas for this year, as it’s still a long way away and I don’t want to over-think and then go crazy when I start writing.

I will, however, talk about what I had in mind last year. As was mentioned, there was a girl. She randomly found a portal and was sucked into an alternate universe. In this universe, sleep was a collective thing, as in, an actual materiel thing floating around in space. But there was only so much sleep available per person, and as the population of the planet grew at unimaginable rates, people were losing sleep and inevitably becoming sick. There were also all kinds of weird government conspiracies and illegal-drug things going on and whatnot. Anyway, while said-female-character is there, she meets up with a crazy, wild Assam-like boy. They fight and try to kill eachother a number of times, but then realize that they actual have an unmatchable fighting power when they work together. So they decide to go and figure out what is up with the collective-sleep thing (which turns out to be some weird government-conspiratorial scientific…thing that can be stopped). They inevitably, as many pairs do, find that they have feelings for eachother. The real kicker is that I decided at some point while thinking of it, that when all is said and done, they cannot exist together in the same universe. But…whoa! I am les shoujo-manga fan, right? I don’t just seperate two characters who are OBVIOUSLY MEANT TO BE TOGETHER *shakes fist at Philip Pullman* Or do I? Well, apparently I do, because I was planning on doing it. Neither of them belonged in the the wrong world, and that was the bottom line. So really it was a good thing that–as is always a case with any of the 8 million stories I’ve started–I barely got past 10,000 words, let alone into the plot with that story.

Whatever.

We’ll see what happens this year. My goal is just to do what I can, not necessarily to finish. Excellent *taps fingers together in Burns-like manner*

PESSIMIST, BUT A HAPPY ONE

listening to: matmos – lipostudio…and so on

I feel reasonably snarky right now so pardon me while I go: BLAAAAH!!~!

Unfortunate things that are starting to suggest that Firefox Preview 1.0 could possibly-maybe be the ultimate toolsmack…

1) I changed the font of my entire blog to Trebuchet MS at a slightly larger size. Every time I view the blog in Safari, it’s fine. When I view it with Firefox, the text is a size smaller than it should be. But when I go to look at archives with Firefox it’s NORMAL. NORMAL I say.

2) I can no longer use Firefox for Blogger publishing, anyway, since every time I add an entry, the index never appears to have updated after I submit said entry.

As I occasionally hear and like to reitterate, Life Is Pain. If you have any problematic things you would like to add, go for it.

Why with the stalkers? WHY?! I mean, not actual stalkers. Just creepy boys who follow me (okay, so stalkers). Creepy boys who call themselves Buddha or who can’t send emails with proper grammar/spelling to save their lives (ex: “I saw ur pic and your a cutie”). And they never fail to be creepy in some way. Now a random greassy grad-student. You over-hear me mention perfect-pitch and you think that gives you the right to talk to me and seek me out and stare at me? It has been one of those days. I want to be a recluse.

I just had an interesting thought about my level of pessimism. I will say that I am a pessimist, but a happy one and leave an explanation for another time.

In other things. To Lucia and Michelle and anyone else who has ever asked “where the hell do you find this stuff?”:

antipixel

boingboing.net

diepunyhumans

dan winckler

kottke.org

memepool

webzen.org

wiley wiggins

You, too, could be the master of random internet crap.

And…aah!! Look!! MOOG MOVIE! (via wileywiggins) See? It’s just that easy. Anyway, I’m going to go back to flailing over this Moog Movie…

WEIRD-O-ROCCHI

listening to: r.e.m. – catapult (live)

This is why living with me is awesome. And why Kerry has cool friends. Thanks to Kerry for permitting the posting of this AIM conversation:

Kerry: “well, fuck me” –talia

Kerry’s random friend: To herself?

Kerry: yeah

Kerry: haha

Random friend: Hah…quality

Kerry: she just shouts random stuff

Random friend: Wierd-o-rocchi

Random friend: Thats a wierd california thing

Random friend: THey say words with “o-rocchi” after them

CAGES UNDER CAGE

listening to: rem – country feedback (live unplugged with ACCORDIOOON!)

(WARNING: There is an R.E.M. thing to follow. So maybe you should just turn around and head back to wherever you came from)

So I was totally about to open up blogger and whine about how the current R.E.M. “unplugged” stuff bothers me because they just add a random pianist to all the tracks and it throws off the original feel of the ensemble but…MIKE MILLS IS PLAYING THE ACCORDION FOR COUNTRY FEEDBACK AAAHAHAHAHA! Okay, but I was right. Because now the piano has joined in and…it’s just not the same. If R.E.M. could have retained one thing amidst the loss of a drummer and the changes of mixing/producing, I would have wanted for it to be the ensemble (live, album, whatever. Lack of ensemble evident).

I love their earlier unplugged stuff. Like, I have a bootleg copy of this show they did in Germany in ’91 and…drool. It was just Michael Stipe singing, Peter Buck playing guitar or mandolin, Mike Mills playing bass, accordion, or guitar, and then Bill Berry doing random percussive stuff. None of this “let’s try adding piano and vibes and anything possible that doesn’t need amplification for sound” that’s been going on. Plus, they play some of the best stuff. World Leader Pretend and You Are The Everything And *death* Perfect Circle and…yeah. This is kind of depressing me. So I’m going to whip out something old of theirs such as Chronic Town and feel better. Cages under cage.

Oh whoa. I was going to blog about something else but…stupid R.E.M. Um…

Oh right. Mahler 5 has been giving me a constant, brutal beating not entirely unlike this or this (aside: wouldn’t it be awesome if Mahler had actually been Gloomy Bear?!). That’s enough of that, though.

THE LIFE-BLAHS

listening to: beastie boys – instant death

I like how the Blogger staff actually accused people of being slackers for still having the old “sign up for blogspot” ads on their blogs, not having updated in months. Yeah. Certain people who haven’t blogged in months really should update.

Minor case of the life-blahs. It’s my fault, though. I decided, after practicing, that I wanted to go running. Cool idea, right? Well, remember how last year I would run completely obsessively and love it because Iowa City is the coolest place in the world? Yeah, me too. Well, guess what! CHAMPAIGN-URBANA IS NOT IOWA CITY. I knew this was going to come up eventually. In fact, I almost think there was a motive behind part of me wanting to go running tonight. The part of me that’s like “Ahahahahaha!! I am eVIIIL!”. But yeah. The flat and the cubic and the lacking river-depth and the fact that I still had images fresh in my head from what it had been like all just did me in at once.

I have a theory, though. That I endeared that campus to myself because I needed something to help me get through whatever case of the crazies that might come up. Whether it be loneliness or directionless-ness or stupid people. It was there, and I found its awesome and original nooks and crannies to be the one thing that made me comfortable and wouldn’t talk back at me. I could always go on some late-night ramble when I felt like crap and come back feeling better. And I know it’s kind of ridiculous to feel better because a place has a certain atmosphere, but…that’s what happened. I’m always going to miss and wish for the sporatically-designed medical campus or the giant weather-vane or that “Danger Cliff” sign I cried on, when I’m fretting about something. But if it hadn’t been for the frequent crazies, it would have just been any other lovely-to-look-at place. Stupid meaningfulness. Being way too location/map oriented for my own good doesn’t help, either.

Anyway, I’m surprised I didn’t whine about that much sooner. I’ll get over it. The run itself was good. Just…alienating.