PUBLISH DAMN YOU

listening to: royksopp – so easy

Have discovered awesome music in the past week.

Royksopp (more like a rediscovery), Manu Chao, Niko Case, Stereo Total.

It smells like WD-40. And I am going to bed.

PUBLISH, damn you!

My goal in life is to be smart enough to understand the use of Movable Type. Not necessarily use it, but to just have the knowledge about me.

REALLY STUPID MOOD

listening to: number girl – brutal number girl

Oh wow. So I think my stupid mood might be remedied just by listening to Number Girl. I’m so serious about that.

Alright, so now the world just has to wait for a good 8 hours before these entries appear…frowl.

And…this is really interesting, and makes me question the efficiency of my brain producing anti-psychosis chemicals. Hrrm. (via boingboing.net)

JUST MEH

listening to: hooverphonic – jackie cane (live)

Blogging has been difficult, lately. First of all, it takes Blogger (or whatever) about 8 hours for my most-recently posted entry to appear on the index. Second of all, I’m tired and easily distracted and every-so-often just alienated enough that I won’t really want do anything, let alone blog something interesting.

I practiced my behind off this weekend. Especially Friday and Saturday. I was super-motivated and super-aware of the fact that I had been initially assigned scales of doom. I managed to mostly only play scales, which was unbelievably hard, in terms of keeping my concentration. I worked the remainder of my time on the first two pages of Haydn C, plus some other parts. Practicing tonight didn’t go so well. My left hand and back forced me to call it quits, early on. That was fine with me. But this time, my brain is a little warped from so much time spent practicing. At least I know that I am capable of about four hours on a good day (hah, “good day”…).

Yesterday, because we wanted to do something “fun”, Kyra and I drove to the Allerton park/mansion, about 30 minutes away, and walked around a for a good while. The gardens there were really lovely, even if the weather was a tad on the muggy side. We ended up basically talking about cello stuff for the majority of the time, with an occasional branch out into books and whatnot. I actually ended up letting off some steam to Kyra, so to speak, which was nice.

Today was kind of long. First of all, I’m dumb and scheduled my chamber music audition for a slot during a time in which I had a class, and then freaked out when I thought that it was today and simultaneously realized I had idiotically doulble-booked myself. That fixed itself, though. I will say once again that I love my theory professor and am going to give her something lovely and possibly chocolately at the end of the semester. IUSymphony Orchestra met for the first time today. That was actually oddly alienating. Possibly because the cellos are seated where the second violins would normally sit. It’s all just new to me, aside from that. I’m sure I’ll be more excited once we get into more of Mahler and I get used to the rehearsal space and the section and the conductor.

Tonight Justin and I drove to downtown Champaign in an attempt to find this gaming/comic book store. We were successful in finding the place, but dumb in that it was already closed. It was just nice moving someplace. I also got a reminder that I really like Portishead.

Perhaps I’m just tired. Maybe it’s that I’m still alienated a little bit. Maybe I’ve over-worked my brain in terms of cello. But I’m questioning my very existence at this moment. Slow and gradual work in music makes me think I’ll never advance or do anything and that I’m wasting my time. I guess that’s just an effect of practicing this much that I’m going to have to learn to deal with.

I’m going home this weekend, which I guess is nice. I most look forward to just driving, I think, which is ridiculous but true. Driving and running are very relaxing. Maybe I should try running. Meh. Just meh.

Probably Minus The L

listening to: niko case – ghost wiring

Lucia is online. We are talking about Deathstalker. Man is it sad. And evil, because I’m spreading this viral series to innocent friends. Also sad in that supposedly I’m reading Blue Moon Rising. Huh.

Lucia: Dude, I’ve been reading Deathstalker all day.
Talia: Isn’t it addictive as hell?
Lucia: It is.
Talia: Just wait till you get to the second and third books
Talia: I’m sorry I can’t buy them for you, myself
Lucia: My mom is pissed that I’m reading “trash”, but I’m enjoying it.
Talia: Dude, it’s not trash. Seriously.
Lucia: Our library has them.
Lucia: i know
Lucia: What’s the second’s title?
Talia: deathstalker rebellion
Talia: I can’t wait until you’ve read them all so we can flail together
Lucia: Wait…how many are there?
Talia: There are the main 5
Talia: And then there’s the Legacy series (another 2, plus one to be published in february)
Lucia: Good Lord
Talia: I know
Talia: I’m so evil
Talia: It’s awesome
Lucia: And I still have 7 Patrick O’Brian books to read
Talia: WEll, you have some time before the last Deathstalker is published =)
Lucia: OK. Good. No rush, then?
Talia: Well, it depends on how obsessed you become
Talia: *evil laughter*
Lucia: True. I think I’ll be able to stagger my obsession with my other reading obsessions, namley Neil Gaiman and O’Brian
Talia: Still. YOu have to read the others. Or I’ll destroy you.
Talia: Isn’t Hazel awesome?
Lucia: She is. I really like Oz.
Talia: btw, your mom might think the next book is less trash because the cover isn’t anywhere near as conspicuous or disturbing
Talia: namely because a really amphibuous-looking Owen isn’t standing about in bright blue spandex-looking pants…
Lucia: Yay!
Talia: the covers of the legacy series are much much better
Lucia: Haha, he really does look like a frog. Never mind that he’s not even blonde

I’m so so evil but it’s so worth it. Aahahahaha!

Also, we just figured out that “probably” minus the “l” is “pro baby”. An anti-abortionist movement? Pondersome…

The Best Nerdism

listening to: bjork – pagan poetry

Woo! A lot of music coming out in the next few months, starting with…
8.30: Bjork – Medulla
9.08: Tokyo Jihen – Gunjoo Biyori
9.28: Interpol – Antics
9.28: Travis Morrison – Travistan
10.04: REM – Into the Sun

I’m especially excited about Medulla (because Bjork is amazing and her albums have just been getting better through the years). As well as Tokyo Jihen. I mean. Shiina Ringo in an official band. And then there’s Travis Morrison’s solo album. I love the Plan, but I’ve been listening to the samples on his site and as a solo artist, he rocks, officially.

Music nerdism is the best kind.

Meruchan!

listening to: cibo matto – fushigina merumo

I just realized that the organy bass-line to this song is like an extended version of a part of the opening of Futurama.

I practiced for what may have been the most concentrated amount of time ever, today. Two and a half hours with only a few five-minutes breaks in-between for water and piano-zen. Then I had a lesson which was…um…I will just say that I’m going to recieve the biggest cello ass-kicking of a life-time, in the next semester or six. In a good way, of course. It’s been decided, what I’m working on. Haydn C major, and Bach Suite No. 5. I think as soon as I finish this blog-entry, I’m going to whip out the DVD my Dad got me of Rostropovich playing in the Sainte Madeleine Basilica in France.

My lesson also involved an assignment of hardcore scales, for which I think I may revive the ‘ol practice blog, cello submarine (it has been pointed out to me that my keeping a practice blog is the epitome of nerd. Well, some people record their lessons. I blog my lessons. So eat it).

After a grueling lesson and a not-so-bad dinner, I drove myself, Kerry, Allie and Harini to Target for the purpose of buying stuff to tie-die tomorrow. I think I totally freaked them out in the university parking lot when I didn’t realize I’d put the car into 1st gear after I last drove it and took my foot off the clutch. The car lurched and stalled (oops). I didn’t get anything at Target, actually. Which was okay, except I realized later that I had promised myself some form of chocolate to keep off-hand for when I need it, and some new writing utensils as two of mine have recently leaked themselves to death. The drive back was fun. We listened to Franz Ferdinand loudly and plotted ways to get to Chicago for Franz Ferdinand’s concert in October. Most of those plots involved me driving.

Upon arriving back at Allen, I decided I would try reading. I am proud to say that I actually got through ten pages of Blue Moon Rising before falling asleep. We’re making progress. But…crap. When I woke up, Kerry was gone. I’m pretty sure she went to see Contraband, which I had totally wanted to see with her. So damn. Hopefully they’ll be around again.

Reading Narcolepsy

listening to: enon – matters grey

Aaaah! I’m trying to read Blue Moon Rising–as I have been for almost a week now that I’ve finished Deathstalker Return–and am mostly failing. My problem is this; for the past five days I’ve been freaking out quite a lot. As I’ve mentioned, I go through various stages of anxiety, and I usually can’t focus enough to sit myself down and read a great number of pages. I like to think this is what kept me from reading for a good portion of last year. If there’s a rare moment where I’m not jumpy or lacking focus, then I’m plain-out tired. A problem I’ve always had is that I will start reading, be not-quite incredibly engaged and end up falling asleep. It’s not like the book I’m reading is necessarily boring or inadequate. It’s just that I’m usually laying down and relaxing my body at which point my poor, over-worked brain will take the cue and I’ll fall asleep. I hate that! Not only do I wake up completely disoriented, but I never read more than about three pages of my book at a time. Maybe I should claim that I have some osbcure form of narcolepsy triggered by reading. It would be fun if anything else.

I briefly played my orchestral excerpts for Brandon before my audition. I felt pretty well prepared, which was nice. He actually got to work with me on some nitty-gritty stuff, even though a lot of it didn’t stick for the actual audition. The audition itself was okay. I had a bit of a freak-out moment as I was walking into Krannert. I had signed up for the 4:25 audition time. So I walk in to Krannert from the music building around 4:15, go to the check-in desk, tell them who I am, and the guy looks up at me and says “they’re ready for you”. AAAAAAAH! After a split second of panic at one of my worst fears EVAR, being late for an audition, he straightened things out with me. What the guy had really meant to say was “we’re running early, so they’re ready for you any time, now”. Uh huh. So anyway, I unpacked and walked in, played, walked out, and left. Five minutes. It was alright. Under tension, my playing tends to be crunchy. I would just like to think I would make it into the University Symphony. But whatever.

I have one class tomorrow. And then a lesson with Brandon. Since I only have one class, I would like to think that I’ll get a lot of practicing done before my lesson, and also get my books. We’ll see. It’s hard being lazy and procrastinating. Not a good thing for cello-practicing. I also need to decide on whether I want to play Bach suite No. 2 or No. 5. Any suggestions, since I have no decision-making capabilities of my own?

You know, I had a thought about the reading-narcolepsy thing. Maybe it’s not that books in general make me fall asleep. Maybe it’s non-Deathstalker books. That would be insane. Though I’m not denying I really want to read Deathstalker again.

Stress And Doom

listening to: shiina ringo – jazz a go go

You know, I wish my orientation and registration had been earlier than two days before the start of classes. Because…now that I’ve been studying requirements and familiarizing myself with things, I feel like knowing everything I need to do in order to fill requirements well before school started would have saved me from being all stress and doom for the last couple days.

I’m starting to understand what this music program is all about, and what it’s doing with it’s requirements. Little things that make me all “!!” are 1) there is no recital attendance and 2) I don’t have to play in a second orchestra. With the no recital attendance thing…holy crap! I mean, it’s nice because I don’t have to play the stupid procrastination game and then nearly die trying to fit in 4 to 6 recitals at the end of the semester when I’m busy, but at the same time, I’m worried I won’t go to many recitals. Then again, Krannert is offering a deal to Fine Arts students that they got four $10 tickets on marquee events, which is a lot of money off. I know that I’m going to more than 4 marquee events, because Krannert rocks (Edgar Meyer, Bang on a Can All-Stars eeyah!). But whatever. I shouldn’t complain about not having to go to 15 recitals a semester.

Music History is crawling with freshmen. Being as it is a freshman class and whatnot. There are a couple transfer students hanging around, also with completely wacked out schedules due to this class meeting when other classes needing to be taken are meeting. Ed and Joanna are there, too, so I seriously have classes with every student at Illinois who was at Madeline Island. Collin from B-N is there, too. He rocks. So it’s good.

I need to try getting my books tonight…blaaaah…

Oh, Anxiety, Oh!!

listening to: travis morrison – 16 types of people

Oh man. I have inadvertantly started other people into Deathstalker obsessions. I feel so devious and bad and whatnot. Teehee.

Classes started today. I only had two. I’m weirded out because my final schedule only has 14 hours and that’s way less than I would ever have expected (or kind of hoped, given the possibility of my not-graduating when I should) it to be. But on the bright side, no classes earlier than 10am! Woo!

My first class was East Asian Masterpieces, which I have no doubt will rock. The professor is this pixie of a woman who translates Japanese works of literature. We’re going to be doing a unit on Tale of Genji, and will actually be looking at seperate manga and anime versions of the thing, which I should have figured would actually exist.

Music theory 201–if I’m talented enough to remain in it–could be enjoyable. I really like the professor. She’s clear. She’s humerous. More than anything, she plans lessons. God, we can actually obtain notes about the lectures online–before they happen! AAH! We’re talking about mixed modes, which make sense to me at the moment, but I’m pretty sure I completely half-assed my modes on the proficiency exam, so we’ll see. Catherine and Kyra are both in that section of the class, so it’s almost like one big Madeline Island reunion. Plus the few other people I know from…around. It’s weird how I know everybody though I’m new.

I saw Brandon and got a chance to schedule my lessons for this semester. Wait, it’s not what you’re thinking. I didn’t just get to put my name into a one-hour slot that will be the consistency of my lessons for all the weeks of school to follow. Because the Pacifica tours so frequently, it would be pointless to do that. So Kyra and I sat down with Brandon and planned out our lessons for the whole semester. Most of mine are on Saturday mornings or Wednesday evenings. Which works, I guess. I’m a little bit worried about how I’m going to do. I’m really going to need to push myself to keep up with expectations, in terms of practicing and learning the repertoire. If I can keep up the way I’d like to, I think it will be really good for me. Augh. I have no idea what I’m going to work on, though. I feel like a cello-playing bum at the moment.

Hmm. So, I was thinking (bad of me, I know)–I don’t think I can say that I’m ever really depressed. I mean, when bad things happen, they bring me down, obviously. Lots of people can tell you that. But I’ve never had serious physical or mental effects when bad things that happen to bring me into a mental and physical state of depression. What happens to me is rather the opposite. I freak out. I get anxious. Seriously so. Like, I was informed by a reliable source (ie, nurse at Carle Clinic) last May that I have high blood pressure. I just…arg! Damn you anxiety! Even tiny little stupid things that shouldn’t necessarily make me go crazy end up doing so. And I hate it! But what can I do?! My hypochondraich nature makes me wonder if I have some sort of weird chronic anxiety disorder or something, even though I know I don’t have symptoms any where near characteristic of actual anxiety attacks. Mweh. I want to ask my sister if she goes crazy, too.

Pointless But Necessary

listening to: shiina ringo – gambling

Aaagh, it’s late and I have a class at ten but…this is weird and I want to blog about it!

Before I really get started, I want to explain how a few things have changed in the past two years. I’m more oriented on surroundings, and far less conscious of social-life. I became progressively less and less conscious of social-status and involvement between ARIA, Iowa, Madeline Island and here. Here, for the first time in a long time, friends and good acquaintances seem to be everywhere. But because I started being less conscious of people and more focused on location and layout and weird stuff like that, this is not helping to calm my anxieties the way it might once have. So frowl. Oh, and just keep in mind that I’m bound to be crazy for a while, because of the nature of change and stuff.

So, I’ve always known that I’m very location-oriented and that maps are fun and interesting to me, and that’s kind of why I knew adjusting to another college campus was going to be hard (oddly enough, what is actually turning out to be the hardest thing about transferring in the…yeah…3 days I’ve been here. Shaddup). But I figured out the other night that if I’m not properly oriented to the direction I’m facing, I go crazy.

This made the first night here really strange. I had tried to go to bed moderately early (midnight), for purposes of having transfer orientation quite early the next morning. A combining factor of things prevented me from sleeping until much much later into the night than I had hoped. The most notably weird one was that I was unbelievably tense and tight all around for seemingly no apparent reason. I realized that I kept trying to figure the position of my room in this building. On this campus. In this city. And this was when I realized that I’d convinced myself our window was facing South. I had been so certain of this, despite the disorienting stair-cases I’d walked up and down so many times that day. But the moment I realized the window was actually pointing North, my body relaxed and my mind emptied itself from the obsessive location-asessment. It was just so weird. I must be more sensitive to my surroundings on a more internal, direction-based level than I had ever realized.

On a related note, tonight–after promising myself to go outside and walk around every time terminal boredom begins to snap at my heels–I went for a directionless ramble on the campus. It was…strange. Iowa’s campus became what made me complete, last semester, with its depth and seemingly sparatic planning. So I definitely became disoriented when I started walking cubic block after cubic block of this campus. And…I don’t know. Doesn’t it seem ridiculous to anybody that I’m this obsessed and dependant upon location? It’s all I’ve been doing so far, and was actually part of the reason I was most afraid of coming here. That is, living through the reaction of the change. It currently feels like I’ll never adjust to this place, or appreciate the architecture or layout. Which is stupid, because I know I will eventually. But change is hard. I’ll live. I think I’ll especially live when I finally get to meet with Brandon and put emphasis into the musical direction of my life, again.

Pointless but necessary. Much like me, in ways. Except…not. Dammit. I’m going to bed.

In The Blue August Moon

listening to: stereolab – st. elmo’s fire (YAAAAY I found it and it’s awesome!)

OMG! Blogger and I have the same birthday!! That must be why I love Blogger so much!! Eeeheehee!!

Yeah. In other things, Lucia (whose name I almost just spelled “Lusica”) has started reading Deathstalker. And unfortunately, that makes me want to read Deathstalker, too. But no. I’m going to wait until January, so I can build some momentum for Deathstalker Coda.

It’s sick what this has done to me. In the mean-time, I simply must read Blue Moon Rising.

Can’t You Hear It?

listening to: pizzicato five – loudland!

Blogging has actually become more difficult now that I have things to blog about. I was just so used to typing about nothing that I guess original blurbs that might have meaning are almost too much. Stupid brain. But oh well.

The last few days have been overwhelming in a big way. Or should I say, yesterday and today have been overwhelming in a big way. First of all, I don’t think requirements in general education are all that much of a change from what I’ve known. It’s the music requirements that are. Everything is askew from what I’m used to, in terms of hours and theory classes. I’m even required to have an instrumental minor, which I’m guessing will probably be piano. I think I have classes, now that I’ve gone through hit and miss with the system a few times. All of them music except for an East Asian Literature class, which I think will be awesome. Only 14 hours, but considering how there are no classes available due to my late registration (and also the additional fact that this school is new to me), I guess that’ll work.

Yesterday was my birthday. The first half of which was stressful and fretful for class-registration reasons. The second half completely rocked. As I was leaving the room at some point, I something of a surprise on the door (pictures of which are posted in my livejournal). This completely made my day, thanks go to Kerry and Allie for which!! Later that night, we went out for Indian food with a few other people, which was an awesome birthday celebration. Yay!

Today was Quad Day, in which about 8 million university organizations put up booths on the quad, and students can join/meet/whatever. I know I should have tried to actively sign up for more, but I ended up adding my contact into to the Japanese-Cultural club, the Barak Obama student support group, and one or two other little things.

I’m still adjusting. And stuff. I might actually blog a seperate entry about that.

The Midwest Transfer Curcuit

listening to: bonnie pink – kingyo

random amusing quotes: “I mean, the benefits out-weigh the…not-benefits”

*reads below posts* Okay. Before I get to the actual post, I just wanna say…the fact that I happened to combine my Deathstalker obsession with my Eno obsession is just sick. Sick!

Oh my god.

No, really, I’m okay. Just a little bit overwhelmed. I mean, first day at a new school. The second year in a row, at that.

Oh, and just to clarify, yesterday was far less than fun. It was more my fault than anybodies for having procrastinated with the getting-ready-for-school until the extreme last minute. My parents were fretting and I was fretting and most of the time I just wanted to yell at them or run to the farthest corner of the house and burst into tears. Especially when the final realization of what I was doing and where I was going and where I wasn’t going started to dig its way back into my conscience. Thus resulting in the below entry of moderate freaking-outage. But yesterday finally came to an end and from there improved on their own.

The morning was good. I amazingly managed to get up by 6, shower, finish packing, eat my mother’s heavenly pancakes and be out of there by 8. The drive was nice. I adore my Focus Wagon, even when my dad makes me guinea-pig the cruise control from the passenger-side. The move-in was fairly painless. The RAs were helpful. The room is nice. Good storage-space. Sizeable closets. Pretty good view of court-yard. The room-mate, Kerry, is way cool. You should go read her blog.

One thing I’ve got to say about my perception of Illinois so far is this; all the students I’ve interacted with have all been so good! Good as in nice, receptive, interesting, funny, responsive. Everybody. I thought the staff and faculty at Iowa were all that way, but the students were a lot more impartial to eachother, at least in my academic dept. and housing area of experience.

Later, after my parents had taken off and I’d had some time to shove things around, I wandered over to the music building in order to orient myself about the place a little bit. So really. I’ve gotta say. What?! Iowa’s music building was a little bit confusing because of its cubic (just to let you know, I typed that “cobuc” the first time), one-or-two random hallways nature. But this building is like random hallways to the extreme. And the stairways are a little bit disconcerting. Like, one stairway takes you to the third floor but then you have to find another set of stairs to go to the fourth or fifth floors. Also, instead of having a main office on the first floor, there are about six tiny little offices on the third floor. In the next day, I’m going to attempt to decipher which of these six offices will help me in reserving a locker for my cello. Which is right now in my closet, the poor dear.

So I took this absolutely mind-numbing music theory placement-exam. Honestly. I know I was a little out of practice on a lot of theory skills, what with summer and the mind trying to bury painful memories and all, but it was as though everything I’d ever learned had been translated into some slightly more foreign version of itself. It was extremely difficult. I believe I passed out of aural skills though (which *gasp* is a completely separate class from music theory itself, here!!!). I can’t hope so much for music theory itself, though, what with the having had to leave a few problems completely blank for complete and utter lack of understanding.

And here comes proof that it’s one crazily small world, the world of music. The first person I ran into while I was approaching the theory exam room was an oboe-player who was also looking for the room. I told him I was transferring from the University of Iowa, and as we rounded the corner, I ran smack-dab into another transfer student from Iowa!! We had both been in the same music-theory class last year, as freshmen. The poor fellow. He’s sold his soul over to vocal music education. This was followed with my talking to oboe-guy a little more. When I informed him that my mother was an oboe professor and gave him her name, he said “you’re her daughter?! Ohmygosh!”, and proceeded to tell me his college-transferring story and discuss double-reeds with me. It turns out he’d seen my mom’s name in an International Double Reed Society magazine (yes, it actually does exist), and that he’d looked her up on Google and whatnot. I actually sat next to him at the official transfer orientation, which was nice. I’d never expected to have already found an acquaintance during a transfer orientation. This was followed by my talking to a violinist, Anne, who transferred from the U of Minnesota and knew both Laura and my sister (!!!111!!). So she, Laura and I complete the Minnesota–>Iowa–>Illinois transfer circuit. We make the thing full circle, oh yeah. She also went to Madeline Island, and knew about half the people I also knew from there. Seriously. Freaking small world.

Following said hellish-theory-test, I ate with Justin. Which was awesome. We talked about music and bands and banana-tree disease and hair styled in the shape of food (“Food Hair Stylists? Hair Food Stylists?”). During this time, however, I did proceed to forget half the words in the English language, which is never handy for when I’m most wanting to convey things to people. I’m so glad he’s here. Down the hall from me, in fact. Oh yeah, Allen Hall.

Transfer Orientation itself was alright. The Fine Arts orientation leaders were really cool and friendly. And just for the record, I think I’ve found the perfect ice-breaker for a group situation like the one I was in, tested and approved several times now. And it is this: “My name is Talia and I’m from Normal, Illinois. … No, I’m serious”. The thing about the whole orientation experience was that everybody who spoke made it sound as though if you didn’t have all the classes you were going to be taking prepared by your next-day appointment with your advisor, the advisor would make you wish you’d cut your own wrists. I mean, I don’t know what I’m doing! I’ve spent the last hour reading music and gen-ed requirements but I don’t think I fully understand where I’m supposed to start! And the fact that most of the classes I want to take are probably not going to be available for taking doesn’t really help that situation. And isn’t what advisors are for? Giving advice about classes and junk? Anyway, I hope that my advisor won’t “get mad at me” (straight from the mouths of those student-leaders) if I’m a little bit less than sure of what’s going on in terms of classes and schedules and where I need to be. Stupid two-day-before-school orientation.

There’s all this late-night celebratory stuff going on at the Union, but I really feel the need to just veg/blog/attempt to figure out my courses for tomorrow. It was hard to turn down the offer of going with Allie and Kerry, though. Because they rock quite hard.

Currently, I’m dead-tired. I could ramble on for some time about how I feel or how I don’t feel or what I’m thinking but it’s not worth it at this point. I think I should just celebrate the fact that I survived my very first day as a transfer student with only once wanting to cry from being completely lost in the random-hallways of the music building. And also celebrate the fact that I turn 19 in a few short hours! Whoopee!

Down, Down, Down, Ever Falling Down

listening to: brian eno – by this river

Aaaaaah! I’ve decided that this is _the_ song for Owen and Hazel ( <--Deathstalker obsession has not lessened). Really. I think Eno writes some of the best platonic love-songs. And this is one of them. Aaaaaaah, Eno!

Here we are
Stuck by this river,
You and I
Underneath a sky that’s ever falling down, down, down
Ever falling down.

Through the day
As if on an ocean
Waiting here,
Always failing to remember why we came, came, came:
I wonder why we came.

You talk to me
as if from a distance
And I reply
With impressions chosen from another time, time, time,
From another time.

Aaaaaaaah, Deathstalker!!!!!!!!! ;_;

Damn you, Simon R. Green!

–BAM!!–Alienation

listening to: prokofiev – classical symphony

Showed off my stich-shift skillz0rz to Miriam, and picked her up in my Focus so we could go see the Garden State, yesterday afternoon. The first twenty-or-so minutes of the film were on drugs (literally), and the over-constant use of the f-word was a little disconcerting, but other than that, I enjoyed it. And…guess what, people?! Natalie Portman doesn’t suck?! Hah, sorry, but I was still completely biased against her for only having seen her in Star Wars Ep I & II *shakes first at George Lucas*

It sucks to have your mind completely obsessed over only one book-verse. Especially when you’ve just finished reading all the published books in the particular series for the moment. I just can’t stop thinking about the Deathstalker-verse. But I’m trying to read other things. Aaaah! The fact that Deathstalker has practically no fandom doesn’t help. Usually fandom helps me in that it makes me less crazy. I mean, after initially making me more crazy and obsessive. Also, the fact that I know the status of Deathstalker-fandom is kind of sad. That’s all.

I should really try getting my act together, since I leave for school tomorrow morning at 8am. I need to pack. I need to organize. I need to buy stuff. I need to get my Illinois voter’s registration at the Library (stupid residency changes).

I’m not feeling freaked out so much as alienated, at this point, though. Actually, it’s hard to call it alienation when I’m still not there. It’s more like…pre-factual alienation. But boy, you wait 24 hours and–bam!!–alienation.

Simon R. Green, How Could You?!

listening to: stereolab – spinal column

I think I’m going to go on a much-needed vacation from Deathstalker…

After two days of having Deathstalker Return constantly in front of my face, I finally finished the thing this morning after getting up. And then I threw the biggest coniption, ever. This book probably has one of the worst cliffhangers to exist in any book I’ve read (save for Philip Pullman’s Dark Materials trilogy, the second book having left my friends and I on the edge of our seats–for about four years…). I mean…aaah and…rrrr and…gyaaah!! Deathstalker Coda supposedly comes out in March. When I think about it right now, I don’t know how I’m going to wait that long! I realize that I’ll read other books and fall back into other obsessions which have been neglected in the face of Deathstalker but…seven months!

I think I’m going to go and read some nice, non-trashy-scifi novels that have nothing to do with Simon R. Green. Yeah. … And by that I mean Blue Moon Rising, also a sci-fi novel by Simon R. Greeh. DAMMIT!

*foreboding feeling that she’ll start getting referalls for Simon R. Green*

Other than that, nothing else to report. Carry on!

Rude Girl

listening to: yann tiersen – tout est calme (live)

The opening bass-line of this piano part is completely mesmerizing. One of those things I could listen to for several days before I either go crazy or compose something weird on top of it in my head…

For the moment, though, I’m only really only feeling one thing: Freakin’ A! I want my comic-books back!!

Carp

Dear Bob Costas,

STOP. TALKING.

Sincerely, hacked off viewer of the Olympic Games.

Right. I think most of this is just left-over bitterness having to do with the initial commentating-through-Bjork’s-performance thing. But…still.

It’s really difficult to come up with appropriate blogging materiel when my soul is held in posession by books like Deathstalker Return. I know that this is my blog and nobody can stop me from typing paragraph upon paragraph of theories and thoughts about current reading-obsessions, no matter how pointless and irrelevent they are. But somehow there’s this idea that, even though what I blog about is boring as all hell with little point to it, it still has clarity and can (hopefully) be understood by any reader. If I started going on about Deathstalker, it wouldn’t be that way at all. So I won’t. I’ll be good.

Maybe I should just give up blogging until I’m either done with the book or something legitimately interesting happens…

Tomorrow I’m going to see the Garden State, which I’m looking forward to. I haven’t heard many official reviews of the film, but I’m hopeful. I mean, it has to be better than a lot of movies out there that…uh…sucked.

Had a reaction (a good one) when I found out that Brian Eno’s Music for Airports was performed by Bang On A Can All-Stars! Holy carp (you read me right. carp!)!!

Zaah

listening to: shiina ringo – yattsuke shigoto

So don’t get me wrong; I still like what has become of Blogger since the Great Blogger Relaunch. But the Blogger Dashboard lists the blogs I’m capable of posting on in the order of which they have been updated. So if another member of a group blog posts an entry for the first time in an extremely long time (as was done on such blog this morning), there is a very good chance that I will log into Blogger, click the first listed blog without realizing it is a group blog (as was done by me this morning), and post a frighteningly-obsessive entry about something completely mindless or weird on the group blog. So, if members and readers of Pardon Your Stupidity briefly came across an unexplainable entry in all caps rambling on about the awesomeness of Bang On A Can All-Stars to perform at Krannert with Phillip Glass!!!!11!, you have my apologies.

I wonder if Simon R. Green is pleased to know he has eaten my soul. I can’t stop reading Deathstalker Return. There are about ten-million other things in the world that I need to be doing, and yet I have the obsessive need to read a few hundred pages every day. Aaah!

Just for the record, I hate Anne Barclay. I mean, in terms of my passionate hate for particular characters in books, Anne’s comes within a few degrees of my passionate hate for Professor Umbridge from HP book 5. Shudder.

Zaah.