listening to: bjork – bachelorette (live with brodsky quartet@union chapel)

I don’t know what it was about today, but Chicago was so nice. I was genuinely happy to be there for a change. I’ve never been too fond of it compared to Boston. But everything was simply nice. Hmm. Rehearsal went quite well. We worked on Strauss the entire time, and I felt like we actually got things done. We had six cellos today, and Charlie, who sits directly in front of me, was gone. So in the two-part regular divisis, there were too few people playing the top part, me being one of those people. In any case, Strauss isn’t exactly the cellist’s friend. I need to practice, badly, and was having serious problems keeping myself from like…just stopping and letting everyone else do my work, since they sounded better anyway. So when Julie turned around to announce that there needed to be more 1st part, I was like “lemme aloooone, this suuucks!”. But I’ll practice it, I swear. I’ll have to, it’s too cool a piece not to be able to play.

And, whoa! For the first time ever, perhaps, Abe talked to me!! I was stunned, and didn’t believe he was actually talking to me at first. But no, he was making direct eye contact, explaining Corigliano. For a whole minute! Amazing. I guess I’m moving up in the world!

And…right, our next CYSO concert is going to be on May 4th, 7:30pm at Symphony Hall in Chicago. My family has bought twelve tickets, and anybody who would be interested in going, they’re $10 each. My parents would be quite willing to drive people up there with them, so if parking/driving is a worry, I would highly suggest the alternative. It’s going to be a great concert, with Strauss – Der Rosenkavalier, Mahler’s 2nd, and a really interesting piece by John Corigliano (The Red Violin). The only catch is for U-High students, maybe, because this is the day after Prom. I’m not certain prom-goers would be too keen on the idea of a concert in Chicago the day following. But pleeeeease, if you’re ever considering it, tell me *nod*

listening to: rem – paint it black (live)

I made $145 yesterday, horaay for money! But…ah…I’m getting tired of weddings. Weddings in Peoria, especially. This was a particularly huge wedding we played, yesterday. I wouldn’t really have any complaints about the ceremony, had it not been for the fact that we played hymns for a half-hour during seating. Not arranged for quartets or anything, still written out in their piano scores. And we did each one about four times. And…you have no idea how painful this can be unless you’ve actually experienced it. The reception was out in the middle of nowhere, and we played for what must have been two of the slowest hours of my life. I was thinking of bribing Beth to let us skip Canon in D. But, ah, we ended up playing it anyway. I think Canon in D is the bane of existence to all cellists everywhere. And it’s vaguely depressing when the violin comes in after two measures of cello and actually slows the piece down *sob*

So, I got home at maybe 8:30. And I gave Beth a ride both ways. And, don’t get me wrong, I love Beth, but I’m always so exhausted after weddings, I wasn’t really in a talking sort of mood. I was more in a “driving and listening to REM” sort of mood. And especially…well, playing weddings, I guess, makes people think of what kind of ceremony they would like for their own weddings. This is true with me, too, but to a much lesser extent, I think, since it’s just not something I view as being important. So when Beth started talking about how many people she wanted to invite, where she wanted to be married, I thought to myself “okay, that’s it, we’re doing 78 all the way back to B-N” (*cough* this is rather fast for what I normally drive).

But, ah, money! I think I will contribute this to the NYC Chinatown/Kinokuniya fund (as it turns out, we are stopping at Rockerfeller Cntr).

Oh, damn. I have to go to Youth Symphony *scowls and goes to procrastinate getting ready*

listening to: jill sobule – bitter

Hmm. Well, honestly, I had no idea what to expect when I found a letter from the Admissions Office of Oberlin in our mail. Truly, it hadn’t been a good experience there, and my audition hadn’t been in any way notable (and I’m saying this with the realization that I usually misjudge my playing to be worse than it is. This translates to: “my audition actually did suck”). And somehow, I wasn’t too surprised to learn that I was deferred, and requested to have my name added to a waiting list for admission. It’s true I hadn’t felt it what I wanted when I visited, and was not too enthusaistic about the idea of studying there, but I hadn’t ruled out the possibility by any means. Is it okay for me at least feel disappointed? There are just a few little factors about this that bother me. For one thing, it’s where my sister went. I thought all the general thoughts I might about this, and then realized that my sister and the teacher there were well acquanted, and hopeful of working with eachother in the future. In my instance there, I was frightened of Peter Rejto, and my dad was quite thorough in doing all the acquanting for me. And somehow, I’d like to think that I have the prospect of being a pretty good musician. Perhaps I’ve picked up this notion from numerous compliments and encouragement or something. So it feels demeaning to me when I think about it and conclude that I’m not fit to be taught in this instance. I must say, it didn’t help to have my dad telling me at every second that I played more beautifully than any other auditionee at the place. That he listenend to me through the door and thought my playing could not be matched. Especially when I’m aware that I was not playing anywhere near my best. This has been a constant bother throughout my audition experiences, as much as I appreciate that my dad thinks I’m great, I’d rather have people tell me the honest truth so I can improve what I can and be honest with myself, which is important to me. The way he wants to chat and meet faculty at well…inappropriate times (ie, as I am walking through the door to my audition), that makes me uncomfortable, as well. Once again, I know and appreciate my dad’s enthusaism for meeting other musicians and prospective teachers, but it felt strained to me when he did it. I mean, I really think these should be my experiences. I don’t want people to think that I’m put up to auditioning at certain places, which may almost have been the way it looked.

Oh, I’m disgusted with myself complaining, and what I’ve complained about, especially. Rejection is always hard, I think. And being human, and I guess of a moderately selfish nature, I want to deal with it somehow. But in the end, to me it feels like I have no right to bitch and moan about this, seeing as I hadn’t even liked Oberlin very much, and considering my circumstances with other schools at which I have been accepted. I suppose I also felt like continuing to expand on my experience there, which I hadn’t fully explained before. So, enough.

Just for the record, I do not think I’ll actually be able to read the book Tuck Everlasting, now (I watched the movie). I liked the thoughts of it, and I guess the general plot. But…ah! The ending! I kept thinking things like “Whoa, this is a lot like Mermaid’s Scar….except…it has nothing to do with eating the flesh of a mermaid and possibly become an gruesome monster”. I liked it as well as I could have, in the end.

running through head continuously: prokofiev’s romeo and juliet – death of tybalt

*sob* Okay, I really want to encourage everyone to come to the CIYS concert that’s conveniently located right here in Bloomington on the 24th of April, but I can’t say for certain whether or not we’ll actually be able to play the entire Shostakovich 5th Symphony. Things have been moving so terribly slow in rehearsal. The only thing that ever happens is that things are corrected. We’re never actually taught anything, which I think is what’s really important. Anyway, still, if you enjoy Shostakovich, and not involved with Midsummer, you could always come ^^

I have bad feudalism karma -_-

listening to: shiina ringo – yami ni furu ame (raining in darkness, or however you want to translate it)

Going to New York next week! Horaay! It’s going terribly excited. Although I am partially let down by the fact that we are not going to Rockerfeller center, which was my ticket to Kinokuniya. Aaah, oh well. There are plent of fish in th–wait, wrong analogy. I don’t know. I’m simply used to not getting my way with that sort of thing. But everything else is going to be wooonderful! The Philharmonic and Chinatown and Broadway and…*dies* Even the bus-ride will prove somewhat exciting at least. I have the perfect attention-span for long road-trips. As long as I have something interesting to listen to, I can pretty much stare out a window for the majority of any trip.

Fuwah. Reading Anne of the Island. I love the Anne of Green Gables series so much. And this is like…the book of the series focused mainly around Anne and Gilbert, so I have to constantly restrain myself from reading the stuff at the very end (my language: the good parts). It can be very frustrating, but at least reading it doesn’t take too terribly long. That’s another reason why I like the series, none of the individual books takes long to read, opposed to some of the endless sci-fi books I occasionally find myself toiling over. Hearts to Canada.

Aw, man! I was totally misled in what the New York Philharmonic was supposedly playing when we went to see them. Now, I don’t have any room to complain. A fully Prokofiev concert, the composer I am binging on currently. And considering that Romeo and Juliet is in the program, you could kill me now and I’d be happy. But for some reason I had been under the impression that Symphony No. 5 was also on the program. And seeing that it’s not, I’m kind of sad. Although, Romeo and Juliet, plus Symphony No. 5 and some other piece would make for a painfully long concert, even for Prokofiev. Wow. If I had to choose between the two of those…aw man…not going to think about that.

listening to: tori amos – leather

Today was a 9. No, even a 9 and a half. It was all because of our Shakespeare project. It went incredibly, even if the game we played in class may not have worked out as well as we planned. But mweh, I can’t see how that will have any effect on our grade, or how much fun we had actually putting the thing together. Sigh.

I kind of forgot mention our CYSO concert on Saturday in Macomb. Okay, WIU doesn’t have an auditorium. So we played in their gym. This was probably Peoria Civic Center ice rink equivalent acoustics, not being fit for an orchestra of any sort to play in. Especially for the Mahler, where I was sitting in front of the basses, without any other cellos to listen to, all I could hear was myself, which makes me both reckless and hesitant. I’ve been constantly thinking about why I’m more hesitant in CYSO than in any other orchestral situations, generally. Well, first and foremost, I’m intimidated by half the section. True, this has gotten much better throughout the year, but has still posed at as problem. Another big thing is that when I’m not the one leading, I’m hesitant, and too careful. I think if I just counted and followed like I did while I was leading, I wouldn’t have this problem. Anyway, Verdi and Bernstein were better for me, since I move up to I’m surrounded by cellos of all sorts. In the end, not bad concert. Buaaah, the best part was when Kyle (percussionist) approached me after our rehearsal and told me he like watching me play because of the way I move. Yaaay! I’ve never recieved a compliment like that! I’ve gotten a lot of other things, such as “you certainly are active”, but I’ve never had anyone tell me the way I move is nice. This probably seems like such a trivial thing to most people. But you wouldn’t understand till you’ve either tried to play the cello yourself, or seen how crazily I move when I play! Huzzah!

I was yelled at this morning for not having all of my music festival applications out already. What my dad had to say was “do you want to be doing nothing all summer?!”. If I didn’t know better when it comes down to what not to say to my dad in a case like this, my answer would have been something along the lines of “pretty much”. Really. It annoys me a bit that my parents don’t want me to get a job. Every time I hint that I may want to earn my own money to my mother, she says she’d rather have me practicing with the time I use. When I mention it to my dad, he just yells at me. I don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s that I don’t want to be dependent upon my parents until I’m 25 years old (sorry, Erica, not that you read my blog in any case). Maybe it’s that I want to make a resume that includes things other than “free-lance wedding gigging” and babysitting.

It also rather bothers me that my mom is bribing me to clean my closet. With money, of course. I don’t know what it is, there’s something in me that wants nothing to do with a bribe, no matter how easy the money is. I’d almost rather be threatened to clean my closet. I was briefly sharing my woes with Megan Dee and Marion at lunch. Immediately after this, I asked Megan to read me my horoscope from the ISU Vidette. Behold:

“Virgo – Today is a 5. You may have to invest money, as well as time, in a complex household project. Be frugal, but do it right”. Let me tell you, we laughed so terribly hard, the entire lounge was staring at us, probably wondering how insane we could possibly be.

Ah, blogging about obnoxious things feels so good. The system, is down. The system, is down *reads new Strong Bad email*

listening to: stuart davis – rock stars and models

*dances* Our Shakespeare project is soooooo (ooo) cool! We scanned a bunch of Pokemon playing cards my host-sister gave me, and pasted the heads of the actors from the Kenneth Branagh version of Hamlet onto them, and every one of them is so incredibly amusing in it’s own way. To me, it doesn’t matter how well we do on the actual project, considering how much fun it was putting it together.

listening to: shiina ringo – morphine (live)

My sister’s been home for the past couple days, which is mostly good. For one thing, she encouraged me to ignore my father and listen to my own gut feeling, which I really needed to hear. Especially from somebody like herself. She also gave me three Tori Amos CDs she didn’t want anymore (*gasp* the horror…!). But then, there’s always some catch. I hate being falsely accused. And the day after she handed me these CDs, she comes up to me and says “If you want my CDs, you have to give my back my Kabuki comics”. Of course, I have no idea what she’s talking about, since I never touched her freaking comics. I swore to this, but whether or not she actually believed me, I don’t know. I’m pretty sure she sifted my room, too, seeing as a couple books I’d borrowed from her room were no longer on my bookcase *frowl* But, yeah, over the summer, there was this CD she couldn’t find, that she was absolutely certain I had *rolls eyes* That also involved a room-sifting. Aside from that, though, having her back was fine.

Geeze…and while I was in Macomb, my mom cleaned my freaking room >_< I know it was kind of messy, and that I had been procrastinating, but honestly, did she have to do that?! It bothers the crap out of me when people mess with my things, without my permission. It makes me feel as though my personal space is being tromped upon. Now I don’t know where anything is, either. I don’t particularly feel as thought I can entirely trust my family for reasons like these.

Whine, complain, i’m HUNGRY

listening to: prokofiev’s romeo and juliet – death of tybalt

So I’m ripping this CD currently, though it is my sister’s. I hope she doesn’t care that I swiped it for a time. But my version (Royal Philharmonic) doesn’t cut it. I prefer this version much better. Plus, I only have the Ballet Suites, which don’t include all the overatures that I like. Aaaah, music.

Today was good, until right after school. It amazes me that five minutes after an entire good day can get me totally down. But anyway, the Shakespearemon project is a go, and I think the results are going to be excellent. That’s about the only cool thing I can think of currently.

Megan and Jamie, where aaaaare you?! *sob*

I would like to start off by saying that the people in the counseling center are blithering idiots. Almost directly following my bloggin in excitement about the prospect of a Japanese AP test, I went to the counseling center to tell them I would like to order the test. It turns out, though, that somebody had just put down all the names of the students taking advanced ISU classes, and sent a note out ot them: there is no AP Japanese test in existence -___-

There was this aaawesome storm brewing just south of us when I left for Youth Symphony. It stayed South of us while we were driving to Morton, but it was so cool to watch. Like, Half of the sky to the North-west was gold and pink, and to the south, it was black and purple, with lightning flickering in and out every so often. Soooo cool. We managed to avoid rain entirely on the way to Morton, which was convenient, thought the wind was a bitch to my giant shoe-box with wheels for a good ten miles. And speaking of cool looking things, last night after the storm had cleared, but moon was out, directly over the trees, and also the street lamp outside my house. So it looked like there was a bright beacon lighting the sky, over the dark trees and houses, with clouds floating past it. I just sat and watched it for ten minutes or so.

Back to my evening, youth symphony sucked immensely! It was unbelievably sucky! I’m not even certain a rehearsal with that orchestra has encountered that level of suck before. Get my gist? Anyway, Steve was sick. And as much as I love Steve normally, I’d prefer him to be healthy for rehearsals. We started playing the Bloch, which is crazy to count, but in the end we managed to pull it together fairly well. The Shostakovich is an entirely different story, though. The winds and brass are just so…I don’t know the word. It would be careless, but I like to at least be convinced by myself that they do care. Okay, the new word is “inefficient”. Whenever notes actually are in tune, counting is poor. I feel bad because I suck at counting, too. Steve actually yelled at me tonight, twice, because I miscounted. Just me. Well, the other two cellos were barely even playing, honestly. I felt really bad , because we had to stop at least twice just because I screwed up. That’s another reason it’s frustrating to be the all-dependable player, because when I screw up, there’s no one else to cover me *sob* Andreeeeew, come baaaack!

Anyway, we got out at 9:05, instead of 8:45. And it was kind of raining. But oh, it’s so nice to have company in the car. What I wouldn’t do if Phil didn’t come with me. He’s so randomly amusing sometimes, it’s funny. And plus, we get to rant about CYSO among other things when nobody else is around. Trivial as this may seem, I hope I’m not too terribly obnoxious with my choice of driving-music. I don’t listen to much classical when I drive, because I just don’t. So there’s been a lot more REM recently than may have been called for…hmm.

Whoa. I was actually in bed by this time last night. Amazing.

Okay, I have the coolest group for my Hamlet project, ever. And I also just realized that I could link every one of my group members on this page (Renata, Michelle, Marion). That is how cool we are. Anyway, we had originally wanted to do a Jerry Springer version of Hamlet for our final project, but we were all being lazy when another group went up and took that option. So then we decided we could also have fun as bitter (bitter about not being on Jerry Springer) news-casters. We could do stuff like “in sports: royal danish fencing duel gone horribly horribly wrong” and “weather: it’s raining blood in denmark…”. Then, suddenly today, while we were watching Act V of the Kenneth Branaugh version in class, we started discussing why it took some characters so long to die, and some others such so quickly, all from the same poison. Instance, Claudius died a lot quicker than everybody else. But then Marion was suggested that “maybe they’re like Pokemon! Like, when the sword hit him, that was 100 HP. Then when the chandaleer crashed into him, that was another 100 HP. Then there is the poison wine, that’s like 300 HP right there”. So then Marion and Renata started characterizing different Hamlet-mon. We’re thinking of trying to change that to be our main project. What incredible fun ^^v

And, yeah, I got a note from the counseling center during Psych today, that since I was taking an advanced class outside of U-High, I was eligible for the Advanced Placement test. So that’s like, taking the test to AP Japanese right there. True, it’s $78, but I think I want to do it. I mean, nobody ever got smart by being poor, huh. Anyway, that would be awesome! I would actually be getting credit for all that time I’ve spent at ISU, doing something I didn’t think anybody would ever pay attention to in the least. I think my parents will be happy about this, too. Maybe I won’t get to skip out of math, science or english in a general ed program, but I would be almost done with foreign language, and possibly get some credit for what I’ve done already. Given, I’ve already decided that if I do concentrate on Foreign Language in college, I’m probably at a high enough level of Japanese that I would be able to start another language, I hope. I’m guessing that this will be Chinese, or maybe Korean if it is offered at the school of my choice.

Speaking of schools of my choice, I think I’ve narrowed down that I want to go to U of Iowa. It’s most certainly unofficial (well, official in the sense that I haven’t discussed the matter with my parents yet. Other than that, I’ve already signed up for housing and sent in my note of acceptance) yet, but this is just me, weighing how things could turn out. I mean, a great teacher. A not-too-terrible General Education program, a rather well spoken-of foreign language program. In a place that I actually like. NEC is still a possibility, but an expensive one, as I have mentioned before.

HUUUNGRRRRY!

listening to: shiina ringo – my luxurious night

*frowl@self* I feel ever so cool -_-

Whoa. So, the other day, I was really tired, since I’d just gotten back from Ohio and whatnot, and I actually typed into the address window “frowl.orc”. What I wouldn’t give for .orc to be valid. And then, actually on the way home from Ohio, we were driving through West Lafeyette, IN, and we passed by what I could have sworn at first glance to be the “Village Battle Shoppe”. Naturally, it was really the “Village Bottle Shoppe”, but would it be cool if it had been the former?!

My sister is home for her spring break, and to kind of…well…give up her Audi (sad to say it’s nearing the end of it’s line…), but she brought me Tori Amos CDs!! To be specific, Crucify, Little Earthquakes, Under the Pink, and From the Choirgirl Hotel. This means I now have two copies of Little Earthquakes and Choirgirl. The more Tori, the uh…better, I guess. I’m kind of in the process of making my own “soundtrack”. True, I know I’m incapable of coming up with my own interesting ideas, but it’s fun, and I have a mighty fine list of songs picked out at this point. I’d say that so far most of them have lyrics that I feel I can generally incorporate to suit me. They’re not so much exactly about my standards, ideals in life, etc. Coincidentally, a majority of these songs are by R.E.M…but…eh, y’know. A couple more are by Jill Sobule, I think I have one Ani song picked so far. But, well, who cares, I suppose. I’ll have a nice list out someday.

Hooo, in the mean-time, look at what I did!

luscious jackson – find your mind

I think everything um…works. Some really minute problems from before seem to have disappeared altogether, which works for me. AOL Instant Messenger no longer takes three entire minutes to quit. Same with Netscape Communicator. The Japanese support works much more smoothly than it did before, which also floats my boat. I do, however, keep getting messages about a start-up error, and everytime I try to use Disk First Aid to locate the source, I get nothing. So I’m going to try our “AppleCare” disk out, see if it can perhaps find and repair whatever is wrong.

My computer may work, but blogger doesn’t appear to be. Everytime I attempt to publish and entry, I get a 203 java error. Hmm, but really, I did consider the fact that blogging about it is useless, especially if nobody can read my entries and tell me what’s wrong. That and, if you are reading this, whatever error it was is no longer plaguing me. It’s a shame things don’t seem to be working. I totally edited my rant from yesterday having to do with traveling during war. I don’t know what it was, but sometimes, I read things over that I’ve written from before, and really wonder if I even know how to use certain words properly. And, unlike many other way of writing, you can directly edit original text with computers. I feel I ought to take advantage of this.

Currently at home, blogging from the bewitched (or be-elved) iMac. The good thing is that it works. The bad thing is that every possibly new, more interesting setting or program that was installed between early 2001 and yesterday is gone. Any hardware that goes through a USB port doesn’t read. So I’ve been sitting here, reinstalling a bunch of junk for the last half-hour or so. First and foremost, Japanese language support has been reinstalled, which was probably one of my bigger priorities. This means that my version of iTunes will read Japanese files, the dictionary will be supported, and most importantly of all, code web-pages will appear in Chinese/Japanese characters. Second of all, I reinstalled software/support for Que! Drive, so that CD burning may be plentiful. Since Microsoft IE 5 (which is the highest version for MacOS) ate itself, and replaced itself with it’s earlier counterpoint, IE 4.5, I am currently in the process of downloading v5. 4.5 is something akin of a very early Netscape for the Macintosh, just to give an example (I wish everyone could see how weird my blog editing window is, yuk).

Something is still amiss, though. I really wish I could figure out what thing is so wrong inside my HD. I got a couple rather strange error messages in the process of installing Language Support. Anyway, I’m figuring this is enough to at least appease my father for, and I’ll live with whatever is wrong for as long as I have to. I’ve grown quite comfortable of the idea of getting this computer when I go off to college. Even without the idea of installing OSX, I think I could manage to reformat things to my liking.

Ooooh, my IE download is complete *goes off into installation binge*

I had this slight accident with my computer at home, and thus, who knows how long I may be blogging from our school library *big frowl* Basically, what happened was, as I was ripping a track from a CD, the whole computer froze up. And when I restarted it, there was a flashing question mark icon on top of a folder. Which simply meant that the system folder had consumed itself. This has happened once before, for whatever reason, and I handled the situation quite well, inserting the “Software Re-whatever” CD. However, this time, an audio disc was in the CD-Rom. And, naturally, they would design the iMac so that in a situation like that, there would be no feasible way of ejecting the disc. Soooo, my father arrived home (whom I have resolved my idiotic issues with, horaay relaxation, I suppose), straightened a paperclip, and somehow managed to fish my CD out of the computer. Then I proceeded to insert the “System Repair” CD, and start the rather long process of fixing my computer. But things, for some reason, kept freezing and not working, and though I managed to restore about half of everything that was there originally, all USB/additional computer hardware will have to be reinstalled, and, as my dad pointed out, we lost all our “favorites” from IE (I don’t really care! I mean, he bookmarks eBay auction pages >_< geeze...), and a lot of other junk. But most other software and important things were salvaged. I think I made the job a lot harder on myself by the way I selected to save our old HD arrangement, too. I think everything may be working, but this I will not know until I get home. Renata and I are attributing this computer incident to the "karma elves". Not surprisingly, nobody is all too fond of the idea of karma elves. Hmm. Yesterday I felt like ranting upon some political/war related subject. And I suppose I still do in the very least. I have a sort of dull feeling about everything having to do with Iraq, and perhaps because of that, I’m not taking it to be a huge deal. Maybe it’s because we’ve been talking about war for so long, now that the prospect is looming up before our country, it feels to be only expected, nothing too shocking about it. I mention this because there were rumours going around the school, that should our country engage itself in a war with Iraq, our choir trip to NYC (a big deal to many, including myself, I think…) would be cancelled. Okay, maybe this sounds like a ridiculous and maybe even a shallow thing to talk about in this point of time, but you know what? I don’t think it should matter! On NPR’s Fresh Air, maybe a month or so ago, they had a guest author who was talking about traveling, and how one can get the most out of their experiences in it. He was saying that, yes, traveling these days, especially abroad, was difficult, but that traveling has always involved risks. You can look back through history and pick on any number of accidents or events that are true to this. Whether they be ice-bergs, pirates, or whatever. And, yes, I know it’s true we’re not traveling abroad for this trip, but from the big deal some people have been making out of matters like these, you’d think we were going to the moon, while every layer of the atmosphere is being closely monitored by any and every person posessing a nuclear weapon. I’m not just talking about within our school, either. Just, the people in general. If you’ve seen Bowling for Columbine, you’d have a more specific idea of what I’m referring to. But y’know, I refuse to shelter myself from something of which the chances of happening are very small. I hope anybody (parents, too) with a doubt about going to NYC would try to put it in this perspective. You only live once. Plus, as was mentioned, NYC is probably much safer than it was four years ago, simply because of all these precautions being taken, in relation to the matter. Anyway, I need to proceed to orchestra, and then home, to continue fixing my computer. MEGAN D! STOP LOOKING AT MEEEEEEEEEE!

CYSO went from 10:30 to 12:30 today because of the Encore concert, which I highly prefer to a 2:30-5:30 rehearsal. And then Phil didn’t come, seeing as he’d driven up to Chicago seperately on Friday and Saturday. So, my mom and I went shopping!! In actuality, “shopping” means wandering IKEA for a fair amount of time. What was amazing is that it only took us about an hour to go through all three floors, as opposed to the general hour per floor ratio. This may have been because we weren’t in search of any large furniture items. We did get quite a few ridiculously cute kitchen items. Then, my mom wanted to go to Mitsuwa to get grocery stuff. Which was great and all, but I hadn’t been prepared for it. That and I had turned down a very gracious offer (*bows* I really appreciated the offer…) to look out for stuff I would have wanted there. At the time I turned down this offer, I was considering that I didn’t have all too much money, and also the likelihood of visiting the Kinokuniya (and/or BookOff ^^) while in NYC in three weeks. But naturally I would wander into the bookstore at Mitsuwa, and sort of scour for some junk. In the end, I only ended up spending $20 or so, which, trust me, is a pretty reasonable figure compared to most of my former adventures there. I got KareKano 15 (AAH! KareKano 15 = weird…) and Shiina Ringo’s new single, Stem. Both of these are items that I would buy inevitably, so I figured what the hell. Anyway, Mitsuwa always lifts my spirits greatly.

Rehearsal wasn’t bad, either, mainly because an hour was clipped from the regular span. We played Mahler for the entire two hours, mean that I would have Mahler in my head for at least twice as long, afteward. Just a note for those who aren’t familiar with Mahler’s 2nd symphony, the opening theme contains a couple phrases that sound strikingly like the Mexican hat-dance. Because of this, I want you all to come to the CYSO symphony hall concert, so my family doesn’t have to buy $120 worth of tickets for two people again. Oh please *sob*

A complaint: I hate hotmail! I’m sick of all their stupid little adds that plague my main inbox. I’m sick of how half the messages that I get which are non ML-related (personally addressed to kitsuneonna23@hotmail.com) simply have no content. Just…AAACK! That was my primary pointless complaint.

I’m in the midst of re-reading Anne of Green Gables. I so thoroughly enjoy these books, I find them most addictive. And something I notice that goes along with particular books I’m reading, I find myself thinking a lot in the language of the books. That means that the books I am reading do occasionally find their way into my speech as well. So, if anybody catches me using words like “tragically” or “excrutiatingly” in regular speech, you have every right to hurt me…

listening to: jill sobule – rock me to sleep

The verdict is in that I hate driving! Or rather, I hate being driven, specifically if it’s my father doing the driving. In which case I get terribly frustrated at his driving (which includes getting mad at other drivers for like, doing things that he ends up also doing), and also the fact that I generally end up listening to a lot more stuff I don’t feel like listening to than is healthy for a person. I’ve ranted on this before. So, right, I can deal with two hours at a time, but we just drove from Oberlin to Bloomington, and that was, what, maybe 8 hours altogether? And that’s after well…an audition and a previous eight hours in a car. Right, so, stopping complaining happens…now.

I had my final audition this morning, at Oberlin Conservatory. We got there at eight, when they said the Admissions Office should be open, so I could confirm my time, seeing as I never got the official email confirmation and junk. The office was locked, but five minutes of standing brought the assistant admissions person around, confirming that my time had been changed, again, and to 11:45. Great. Well, anyway, there are like seven other cellists auditioning, or so, and we take a theory/aural skill test together. That went pretty well, though I obviously need to work on my harmonic interval identification, seeing as I was unsure about the terminology. After the theory test, I wandered for a while, and then proceeded to warm up in one of their acoustically-excellent practice-rooms. Then I went to audition. I wasn’t too terribly nervous about it, which was nice for a change. Anyway, I go in, and there’s Peter Retjo (and the baroque cello professor, with him), who’s said to have made great cellists cry. But he’s a fairly nice-looking fellow, so I sit down, play my stuff not too brilliantly, and then he interviews me. I was not prepared for any sort of interview, honestly, and considering that it felt like this guy was probing for a right answer, or something, I said some pretty stupid stuff. When he asked what my weakest and strongest points as a cellist were, my answer probably sounded equivalent to “blah blah blah-blah right hand blah blah blah blah-blah, left hand blah-blah-blah technical schmegege”. I felt cool, to say the least. As I was leaving, he gave me a CD of his own playing (with lots of rather weird stuff on it, too…), which I noticed none of the other cellists got. At first, I wondered if that meant they liked me, and he was giving me my first glimpse of his greatness. And then I wondered if it meant too bad, so sad, we’ll never meet again but here’s a parting token of my greatness. Who knows, who cares.

It’s funny, because when I started thinking about college, Oberlin was number one on my list, and I wanted to go there terribly, and now it is last on my list. I don’t want to be there. First of all is the ambiguity in the cello department. They have one full-time teacher since Andor Toth died, and from every person we talked to, every one of them told us things were “up in the air”. That’s bad, I want an actual teacher. Then there’s also the fact that tuition has increased to $38,000 per/year, as opposed to maybe $30,000 from six years ago when my sister was there. Nope, sorry. Then, I also have to consider the fact that I wholy dislike the town/setting. Oberlin is this tiny tiny town, with a downtown consisting of the size of maybe one block of downtown Normal. Everything on the outskirts is Ohio farm, to which I can easily say I prefer Illinois farm. The college community is very very *stressing the very* liberal (not that I’m not more liberal, myself, I’m just not…well…going to devote my being to my political beliefs…), drugs aren’t uncommon, jogging in the evening hours will generally result in containers of alcohol being thrown at you by your neighbors. All the businesses in the downtown area are apparently going belly-up, as my dad put it. In fact, depressing. I don’t mean to sound harsh about it, but this is being blunt and quick about why it’s not exactly my community. I feel strange about saying this because of my sister, and how it seemed right that if she liked it there, I would like it there. Hey, news flash to me, I’m a different person.

Now I’m home sitting w/the bird. Which is rather nice, because I can at least be in a room by myself. I’m kind of depressed at this point, though. The whole trip required a lot of patience, and I think most of it is spent at this point. Patience and energy. In otherwords, it was a rather unpleasant way to end a very unpleasant Spring Break. I’m actually looking forward to going back to school on Monday, which is kind of unsettling.

I think I’ll feel better getting fair amount of sleep, and perhaps a japanifying myself for a time *drops to floor*

listening to: jill sobule w/mom – big shoes

Today there will be much driving. Stupid…moderately far away…Ohio. But this time around I’m feeling actually pretty okay. That and I’m equipped with Anne of Green Gables, which will keep me company for the seven or whatever hour drive. I’m still pretty irked in not having gotten any official papers about my audition, though. My dad wrote down all the times on this tiny little slip of paper, and for some unknown but truly idiotic reason, he gave it to me for “safe keeping”. Well, typically, it’s lost and gone and stuff. But I do remember my audition being somewhere in the late 9 o’clock hour. That and I did recieve an email about a cello meet-and-greet, also stating that the Conservatory building will be open at 8am. I think those two pieces of information will at least get me there before my audition with enough time to warm-up and junk.

Mr. Comande (whoa, i cannot have spelled that right) came in subbing for Steve last night at CIYS and AAAH! Why can’t he always conduct us?! It’s not that I don’t like Steve or anything. I mean, he’s nice and respectable, a very well-trained musiciand and erm…Asian…but Mr. Comande knows what’s important in the music, and he makes sure to let us know this. Also, he didn’t seem to care about the notes so much, as long as we managed to play together, because that’s the most important part, right? He put this huge emphasis on feeling the beat/subdividing, which is all I preach when I coach other kids. Just, wow. This must have been our first rehearsal ever where I did not feel it was time to go when we were finished. Usually I’m falling asleep by around eight, and then simply dying to get out of Morton.

As much as I want to sit around and do nothing like all good children should be entitled to do during spring break, I must go off (I’m sitting here in my pajamas, planning on leaving before 10) and venture um…into other, possibly less intriguing parts of the Midwest. Whoosh.

listening to: cibo matto – beef jerky

Uh…lesse…yesterday, I drove a lot. My dad and I went to Iowa City, my dad to drop off a contra bassoon, me to have a second lesson with the teacher there. That went awfully well. We did stick around long enough to hear the orchestra this time, though. And…ugh…I don’t know what to say. It wasn’t ISU, that’s for sure. The conductor was a good measure less crazy than Dr. Block, that’s for sure. In fact, he’s a bassoonist, and was at Juillard the same years my dad was there, studying with a different teacher. Small world, huh. But…the violins there are just so…sad. Sad and…making too frequent use of open strings for my taste. Actually, half the orchestra was playing a Mozart opera (the rehearsal I saw), and the other half was playing Mahler 4th (the rehearsal I didn’t *sob* Yeah, I used to listen to Mahler 4th a lot when I was young. So when I was in the car with my mom not long ago, we’re hearing on WILL this thing which I SWEAR is Mahler 4th. But my mother says “no no no, it’s Mahler 1st”. So then I go and listen to a recording of Mahler 1st at home, and it sounds EXACTLY the way I remembered Mahler 4th ought to. But then when I heard Mahler 4th, I recognized that to be Mahler 4th, too. So…well…what the hell?! I still haven’t gotten this straightened out…). Yeah. So, maybe Iowa is cello/woodwind haven, but as little as I want to admit it, I need violins! And not just because I want to be in an orchestra capable of doing, but so that I could be in a successful chamber music group. Admittedly, this would be a big downside in the matter of going to Iowa.

We went to the Amana colonies around noon, which was…touristy, but fun. The Amana colonies are so cute, I just want to run up and give each of those individual little houses a big hug or something. I somehow feel the need to mention that through this whole adventure, I was feeling like absolute crap. I was so uncomfortable on the way home, I didn’t even try to sleep. I must say, though, it is amazing how random my brain likes to be while I’m sick. Random and oblivious.

I’m feeling much better today, though. Which is good because I’m leaving for Oberlin tomorrow. With my dad. Blah! With the going places! Again, it’s not that I don’t like my parents, but I don’t feel like I’ve been by myself since maybe January or something. Just, every moment I’m not in school, it seems that I have to go someplace, and they have to drive me, and in the end I’m tired of feeling as though I’m being supervised 24/7 by one person or the other. Last year’s spring break was at least quiet, me being at home while my parents were in Austria for two weeks. I think I communicated in person, with actual people, in addition. Sigh.

listenin’ to: REM – Crazy

First and foremost, I’d like to apologize to my mother for being a lazy bum (Nyah! No I wouldn’t! I would like to rub in the fact that I’m a lazy bum, and also point out that this is my spring break. I would also like to point out that while I’ve been sitting at home for the past two days, going in between doing nothing and actually accomplishing cello and vaccuum-related things, I could very well have been running rampant through the streets of Normal, causing all kinds of chaos and controversy with my running. Or I could have been wasting time (what I actually prefer to call “quality time”) with friends or something ridiculous and non-working like that. So if my closet isn’t 100% picked up yet, all I have to say is “nyaaah!”).

Now that is what I like to call my twelve-year-old version of a non-confrontational…uh…confrontation. She didn’t really bitch at me about cleaning my closet all that much. Only that my not feeling too great has not been any excuse for not picking up the universe or something.

I finished LLL–er, I almost finished it. Until I realized I had never taped the final episode *ka-ching* Oh well. And then I started watching Anne of Green Gables, which we taped off of Wonderworks an awfully long time ago. I really want to re-read the series again, now, even though there are about a million other things I was planning on reading first. I find it a little disturbing that at least three of the members of Kids in the Hall were in that, somehow, even though I loved Kids in the Hall while I watched it before our cable was zapped (but to make up for our lack of Comedy Central, we get at least three 24-hour religious channels).

Whoa. Mayhaps I’m just a tad bitter about this week sucking. And…seeing as this is my last free night of spring break, anybody want to do something? Possibly even just like…IM me and talk to me? I won’t even make people go out of their way for a commitment! I just need to know other people are alive out there! Sniff.

Ooo! *distracted by manga*

listening to: matt caplan – divide and conquer

Growf, some people make me so maaad, simply from their own sheer stupidity. But, I’ll have to refrain from freaking out about it here. Honestly though, dumb kids!

Today was um…well, I guess it’s good I didn’t have to go to school. I was feeling awfully sick, so I pretty much just sat around, watching LLL and saying that I’d totally get up to do something important in the next ten minutes, every half-hour or so. I did get through episode 9 of LLL, though, so perhaps I can say that I accomplished something, in the end. So…in otherwords, this isn’t too interesting a spring break. Everyone else is either busy or in Costa Rica, and by the time they’re not busy/back, I’m going to be running around the Midwest having cello lessons and finishing auditions and…I’m really sick of being with my parents. Everywhere I go that isn’t school, my father goes with me. And, it’s not like I don’t love my dad but…I really want to be by myself! And at the same time, I feel really useless, too. Probably because I’ve just been sitting at the TV or the computer all day. It would be nice to have something else to do. But, whatever. It’s just nice I didn’t have to go to school, I guess.

Geh. So Wednesday, I’m going back to UI(owa), for a second lesson with the teacher there. That’ll be well…good. Rather a lot of driving. Thursday, I have CIYS, but I we get a week off to compensate for spring break sometime, which is nice of them. Friday morning, I’m leaving for Oberlin (oh my god more driving) for my stupid stupid audition. I doubt we’ll be getting back until sometime later on Saturday. And, without a doubt, I have to go to CYSO on Sunday. However, we’re rehearsing from 10:30 to 12:30, which is nothing compared to normal rehearsals. I should be home by before three, which is just…unthinkable. Wow. And then, oh, the next week, get this! There is no CYSO on Sunday *ignores fact that there’s a CYSO concert at Western Illinois, Saturday*

So in random conclusion, there has been waaaay too much driving for me this year. I can easily say that some non-driving next year will be so nice. I think simply not being committed on Sundays will make me happy. And even if I do end up over-committed again, at very least I won’t have to drive a ton during the week to get to my numerous activities. Mussu…speculation hurts my brain.

listening to: bjork – it’s in our hands

Blaaah…siiick. Never even try sitting through a three-hour-rehearsal while feeling ill. The end result isn’t really desirable.

So, yesterday was my first day of actually being sick. Friday, I was vaguely noticing a scratchy throat, but yesterday I was drowsy, with random sinus pain, with not much voice. Miriam called me, though, wanting to do something. And I couldn’t say no, seeing as it was her last day of spring break. So we ended up going out somewhere to eat, and then renting Minority Report. I *heart* Minority Report, and Miriam rather liked it, too. And I was glad, seeing as she’d heard it was “bad”, and may not have been in a mood for a more serious movie in the first place. Oh, man, and now I want to see One Hour Photo. I’ve heard really weird things about it (weird=good).

I’m on episode 6 of Long Love Letter. I do realize that the conclusion of the ending left a lot to be tied up but…so far, I’m genuinely enjoying what I’m seeing of it. Honestly, it’s been so long I don’t remember everything that happened, or where it ended up happening. So yeah, this is good. I’m highly considering watching Bokura no Yuuki next if my stupid not-exactly-free Spring Break will allow it of me.

And…I really really meant to blog through all of last week but…mweh.

Yeah. So, I was visiting here in my head out of boredom. And also because I’m am constantly discovering new Tori Amos songs that I really like, from albums that I own already. Here in my head generally transcribes parts of interviews in their lyric pages so you can see what the artist says about the songs. And because Tori Amos’s lyrics are…well…different. Not always easy to pick up a true meaning to. But so anyway, one song I have never understand (but love as one of my favorites), is Space Dog. So I was looking at this interview, and it doesn’t make any more sense than the song does, actually. It was like this really long continuous paragraph about Space Dog being a sort of deity, and maybe it’s because I’m currently spacey, but I just didn’t follow. And there was this line about eating Pledge, and I was morbidly amused by it. It goes a little like “His family is like, some of those people that show up on Oprah Winfrey sometimes, that you just go, My God, if I had to go home with them, I would contemplate, like, eating Pledge”. Yeah. To conclude, this is probably a song I won’t come to fully understand quite so easily..

listening to: the pixies – holiday song

I have no short-term memory whatsoever. But other than that, all’s well.

Yeah, so Jeff is home. We went to Steak ‘n Shake last night at like eight, and sat for a really long time (namely because the person waiting our table left). I was quizzed on a lot of music history that made me feel ridiculously stupid. Exactly what years Bach and Mozart lived. The exact eras and junk I really never bothered to learn. There was also discussion over the fact that Choir II taught us both the wrong Solfege, giving me a possible chance of avoiding a Theory I college course. Apparently, there is no ti. But there is si in place of ti, and everything starts with ti. I don’t understand, but I have this really big theory book originating from Indiana U, sitting a good foot to the right of me. Oh, and wait! This totally leads me to…

Boo Oberlin! I may have skipped a lot of facts about Oberlin. Like, that I never got any sort of word about the status of my application, or confirmation of my audition on the 8th (this Saturday). I was waiting and waiting and waiting, receiving nothing in the mail. Finally, my dad contacts one of the new cellists there, to try and arrange a lesson on the 8th. She tells my dad we should have gotten word that my audition was changed to the 15th! -___- I still haven’t gotten anything about it in the mail! Good lord, we could have headed out there this Friday, unknowing that my audition was not the next day, but a week from the next day! So yeah. Thanks a lot, Oberlin. Or US Postal Service *bares teeth* But…the cool part of this, for which I am stupidly excited–is that I get to take a theory/oral test when I go!! COOOOL BEANS! And also the fact that it is my last undergraduate audition. So that’s why I mentioned Solfege particularly…

I watched like…ten minutes of Long Love Letter. I’m not even into the second episode yet. How pathetic. Stupid interferences.

listening to: shiina ringo – stem

Happy birthday dear BLOG!

Why does school always suck incredibly the day directly after anything important and music-related (also known as fun) happens? Well, Shakespeare was fun. Seeing as we got to be critics and talk about babies (the edible kind). But everything else kind of sucked. Anyway, just because I want to be nice to myself, I’m giving myself tonight ot lay off the cello. It does rather suck that my Oberlin audition has been moved to the Saturday at the end of spring break, seeing as I would have liked a whole week to myself. There is also the part about not being able to go to karaohke, again. This won’t phase me, though! It will happen, someday! So huzzah!

So what else is new?