In other news, I got my acceptance from DePauw in the mail, today. I’m being offered $13,000 total in scholarship. $10,000 for cello performance, and $3,000 for academics. First of all, how in the hell did I manage to recieve any money for academics? I must be a better student than I had originally thought. Anyway, that’s a good amount of money. And I liked it there well enough. So I’m happy about that. Yay college, I guess.

And yay blogging! My blog will be a year old next Monday. I’d love to do something special for it, but eh ^^

Off I go to audition places!!

Yeah. Played an interesting concert yesterday at Northwestern University. Kids concerts are alwasy a lot of fun. I just didn’t enjoy having to get up at 4:30am to be there by 8:30. Anyway, muh. I guess one of the Julie’s quit CYSO. So now we’re down to nine cellos. At the same time that I feel more important now, depended on, I’m also concerned that nine (though it is my second favorite number) won’t cut it. Then again, CIYS has three cellos. So really, I don’t mind. We can all be loud at any given point in time, too. But anyway, now Eric is my standpartner for part of the time. I really like my standpartners.

My arm hurts so much right now. I’ve been asking pretty much anybody standing around, if they’ll listen to me play my audition stuff. So I’ve done Dance of the Elves like three times today. Last night, I actually played through the whole thing twice, without stopping, which was amazing. I think once I can convince myself that it’s possible to play the whole thing, it makes it a little easier. I think my problem with this piece is wholly psychological, because dammit! I’ve played before! It was my recital finale piece, and crap it was good! But anyway, I also discovered that at least 50% of the choppy mistakes I make are wiped clean when I speed it up to something close to 160 bpm (fast). That’s a trade-off. I’m not certain I can play the whole thing like that. It’s worth a shot, I suppose. If anything I’ll get credit for trying.

And…as I review the audition requirements at the NEC site, my freak-out stage is very quickly fading out. The requirements for undergraduate string auditions are vague, only telling me to play three contrasting pieces (just one movement), only one needing to be memorized. I’ve been playing all three memorized for a while now, and I have every intention of doing it that way when I get there. The wind auditions are alot more specified, but it’s not until graduate level that they’re asking for orchestral excerpts or anything. I love it when I overshoot the level of difficulty. And really, having played for so many different people, musicians and not, has mellowed me out about auditions. Of course, I get a little nervous. But it’s not the kind of nervous where I’m shaking and sweating, about ready to drop my cello altogether. I’m usually a little stiff upon entering. So in otherwords, I feel ready ^^

So yay Boston!

listening to: hooverphonic – electro shock faders (get the downloading software away from meeeee!)

Heehee. Just played a really fun concert. I live for these nights. Everything was just so…good! The orchestra played better than in any rehearsal, and same goes for the choir. Bogoro was simply amaaazing! Our pitch didn’t even slip. Our dynamics were fabulous. Haha, the building song was so amusing. I had such trouble keeping control of myself. Like right at the end of a bird-call, I pretty much had to stop breathing to keep myself from losing it then and there. Then when the eight or so altos (including myself) went out into the audience to get them to sing, I almost lost it there, too. Especially when I actually looked at particular people in front of me, like Andrew. He looked right at me and started laughing, and Andrew is the one who got me started with being amused and distracted by pretty much every musical situation. I couldn’t ever look at him during madrigals. So naturally, it was hard not to laugh.

And…okay. I had the weirdest thing happen to me while I was walking home today. Okay, there’s this kid I’ve known since the very beginning of elementary school. We went to school together up until the point where I went off to U-High. Anyway, he’s an utter jerk. He did nothing but bully me during elementary school, especially making fun of my last name. And…you know how they say if you ignore these people, they’ll get bored and go away? This was…uh…not such a case. I never said anything, ever, and he went on and on and ON! So, his house is on my way home. Last fall, I happened upon him sitting on the corner by his house, smoking something I believe he rolled himself (your guess is as good as mine, here). So as you can imagine, his situation in life may have done a little less than improve. But none of that, or three years without meeting eachother stopped him from making a snide comment and calling names at me. As my sensible brain told me to do, I ignored him. Today, however, I was walking home as I usually do on Normal Ave, and decided to switch the side of the street I was on, seeing as fewer walks were shoveled on the west side of the street. So, I cross the street, and notice that this kid is a good 20 feet behind me. I don’t feel like having to meet up with him, naturally. I figured that his house wasn’t far up the road, a couple houses down. So I speed up my pace, figuring he won’t catch up with me. However, he runs up to me, so he’s walking just behind me. This, I ignore, telling myself I don’t care, jerks like this don’t deserve for me to notice them anyway. He then proceeds to make farting noises every time I step. This is too much. I take another deep breath, but then I think about it. While this ass-hat is still making fun of other kids and sitting outside his own house smoking, I am about to audition at two very prestigous music schools, and feel like I have something to feel proud of. He gets to his house, makes some ridiculous comment about how “gassy” things are. Then I whip around, look him straight in the eye, and say “How the fuck old are you?”. He kind of looked barely startled, then managed “uh…I’m 17!”. I gave him a “my point has been proven” look and went on my way.

I am sorry, people out there who don’t think I had any right to say that, but I don’t care! Behavior like that obviously does not justify a 17-year old. And considering how many times he has mouthed off to me in the past, if I do it once, and manage to catch him off guard with it, good for me. And it felt good, too! Not being meek in that situation, just saying it and getting it done with. Just…rrr! Perhaps it was a bit bad-tempered of me. It surprises me how many people think I am patient and cool-headed..well, maybe there aren’t that many of them. I just know I remember the people who inform me I’m pretty patient, or tell me I seem that way. And sometimes I do feel calm. But a lot of times, I encounter things that irritate me right out of my skin, too, and I do at least need to rant about it at one point to feel better.

Anyway, that was my fun story for the day. I hope nobody is too shocked or mortified with me…haha. Ha.

listening to: hooverphonic – battersea

Only today did I realize how horribly sucky (busy) this week is going to be. February totally needs to be the regular month-length. First of all, I did not realize until yesterday that my New England Conservatory audition is next Sunday. Oops. I guess I’ll be alright. I’m fairly well prepared, although I think I need to get stomping on those damn elves, instead of simply dancing on them (zeeh…uh…I’m playing this piece called Elfentanze or “Dance of the Elves”, and it’s probably the most insane thing I’ve ever played. That was the last thing I played at my recital, for those of you who were there and might remember). So between that and our CYSO concert on Wednesday, I’m going to be in school for three days this week. And then ooh, everyone should come to the music dept concert tomorrow night! Because I say so!

And…only yesterday did it occur to me how much I like Hooverphonic! I mean, really, muah! First of all, I should probably reiterate that I have a problem when it comes to obsessing over things. I get really enthusiastic about pretty much anything I like, especially when it’s new to me or I know a lot about it. So, with that said, I’ve been into a couple of the more popular and well-known Hooverphonic songs, Renaissance Affair and Jackie Kane. A lot of their music is similar, but I just hadn’t discovered much more of it. I like electronica, and this is interesting, well done, and far from annoying electronica. Plus, their vocalist is amaaaazing! I feel like I’m in rainy-old Strassburg listening to a lot of this. Hmm. I could compare them to Portishead, being the non manic-depressive counterparts, but I’m not sure how many people are even familiar with Portishead. Well, nevermind my brainless jabbering.

I started watching Long Loveletter again (as though this will be any less brainless…), and aaaahahaha! Now I remember why I was so over-excited about it last time I saw it. It’s just so gooood! And the great part about watching it again is that now I have the whole damn series at my fingertips, instead of having to depend on a rental from Akemiya every 2-3 weeks, and WAAIT! Plus the fact that I lurve Kubozuka Yousuke. Heeheeheehee.

Yay! Talking to people on AIM! *hugs megan/rachel/allison*

listening to: joshua kobak – drought

Man! I hate it when I write entries and forget numerous words that are required for sentances to be complete. RaaH! I just edited like…five mistakes out of the last entry.

Aside from missing Teen Institute Day because of the CYSO run-out concert (I snagged both sessions I requested, too -_-), I’m missing the Thespian open mic night. I mean, the only thing I wanted to do was play Juli-O. And not even because I care too terribly about the Thespians, or anything good like that. I just wanted to play it because…it’s the coolest piece eeever. I wanted to show off Mark Summer and his jazz-cello goodness *frown* Ohohoho. Nobody cares.

I feel useless. I wish somebody would come around and make me be useful. Do something. Take up a new instrument. Learn another language. Clean an office or two. Run errands for someone. Something. I wish people besides the music dept would do this, especially. I wish my friends would make me do things to help them. I wish my friends made me feel like I was actually a friend (I’ll bet my friends want to kick the meek right out of me). I wish somebody would make me go practice right now. I wish somebody had made me apply to study abroad for a year. I wish I could be up in my room, this very moment, listening to Vaughan Williams. Wait, I actually could be doing that. So what’s stopping me? Mua-ha!

AaAAAaH! The words I leave out of my entries!

listening to: jill sobule -heroes (which was played on the West Wing!)

Whoa. Google bought Blogger (Pyra Labs)! I guess that’s cool! At least, according to this article, it is.

I’ve decided that the coolest way to continue on after high school would not be to go to college. It would be to practice a lot and keep getting lessons from everybody. I have improved vastly as a player, from the advice that any one of the people I have worked with has given me. Tony Arnone’s advice for me to use different parts of my bow, for example. But obviously, this isn’t a valid plan. I need to be productive, as well as officially enrolled at a school. It’s a real shame I still have no idea which school. Seriously, to all you people out there that already know what school you going to attend next year, who don’t have to choose between at least four schools you like on equal terms…you are lucky fools.

I started wearing my contact lenses again. I’m glad. I mean, since I disposed the last pair, I have been too lazy to open the next box. Simply putting glasses on is just too easy. Contacts kind of dry out my eyes, too. Make me feel sleepy. But whatever. It’s nice not to have to push my glasses up my nose every five seconds…or have to look above frames at a conductor during rehearsals. So I suppose it’s worth it. Still. That was a rather long two-month spell of not wearing contacts. I’m thinking of asking if I can switch to the two-month disposable kind, so I can just sort of alternate and not worry so much about not wearing a pair of opened lenses for two straight weeks *rubs eyes*

Communists Look Just Like Non-Communists

Kyou wa SUCK shita (today sucked). More like, the past 24 hours. I’ll start by saying that there was a little too much Verdi for fun last night (or, like, until 2:30 this morning, stupid otello…). My lonely Verdi-party was followed up with my cd-changer not working, and my being utterly frustrated and throwing three shoes at it (it’s working now though, *nods approval at camauflage chucks thrown at CD changer*)…

Today itself was pretty bad. I was running on like four hours of sleep, sort of sauntering between my classes. I didn’t have to present Opera! Othello! in Shakespeare. The vague studying during the babysitting job from last night really paid off for me in a psych test. Everything was going well. But then I had…kind of negative music-teacher encounters from that point on in the day. Ms J yelled at me for confirming an extra jazz-band rehearsal on Friday (I “should have known, it was on the schedule” *big frowl*). GUI—LTY! But then, after orchestra, which Andrew came to, I was incredibly chewed out by Ms. Ehrlich. She really got on me, seeing as I hadn’t yet made any lesson arrangements with the Vivaldi. She said that I obviously didn’t care about it enough to do so, etc, etc. She had every right to bother me about this, though. I felt like I had let her down, and that is probably the worst feeling I experience, the feeling that I have disappointed someone who has never done anything but help, advise and put trust into me is…oh, it’s the worst feeling. I really wanted to pull off my left arm, and offer it to her in with my right one. Translation: I felt bad.

Then I almost started to cry before Jazz band, and I really weirded out a couple bystanders. But all was well in the end, when Mrs. Corpus came to work with Mike and I as the rhythm section for the choir pieces. Mrs. Corpus is the most non-confrontational person I have ever encountered. This, despite how I complain how she’s soft on us and how we don’t get enough done in rehearsals, has endeared her to me. Honestly. She made me feel much much better, rather helped me to end my day on a better note. On a slightly related topic, Mike and Sam, our regular rhythm section for the jazz choirs, cannot make the final jazz concert. So, I have been asked to play bass. With Mrs. Corpus’s professional drummer of a husband, and WHOO am I excited. It’s sad that now that I am of a formidible technicality on the bass, I never encounter music that makes me think very much. So this will be a nice opportunity.

Finishing my day with a really good episode of the West Wing and sticky chicken helped unbelievably. I’m sad about next week being Rob Lowe’s last week…but at the same time….YAY WILL!

OH NOOOO! I just realized something crappy! Next Wednesday is teen institute day, but I’m not going to be in school!! Aw, man! Stupid CYSO run-out concert! Make me get up at like 5am and miss teen institute day…*frowl* CRAP!

*in school library*

Doing the Tuesday-free-hour-library-blogging-thing. Looking at Engrish, people’s blogs, and the like. I was reading through some archives (

AAH! MY GOD! I almost totally lost this entry *deep breaths* JEBUS. I like, forgot I wasn’t using my wonderful iMac, and accidently pressed the key with an image ressembling the “windows” icon, and then all the sudden all the windows were gone and it was asking if I wanted to lock the computer under my username and password but, whoo, I pressed “cancel” and it came right back. Stupid non-Mac.

I am actually considering the prospect of starting a cello practice weblog. I’m pretty bad with notebooks in my lessons, so I think if I started I blog, it would be much easier for me to keep track of what I’m working on technically and musically, also, how much I practiced, what I worked on and how I worked on things. The thought of it is really…hmm. I don’t know. It would make me feel more productive throughout my total time of computer use each day. But then again, I wouldn’t want the layout to suck, so I’d end up trying to work on one of those and become frustrated beyond belief. I can imagine it would be something the same with archives. Plus, I truly doubt that I could convince myself to write a consistent entry every day, seeing as I do pracitce a lot, but what I play and how often throughout the day can be very various. So in the end, muh.

In other things, for my Othello project, my mom said we actually have a tape of one production of Verdi’s Opera, “Otello”, so I may get to use more than just the crummy CD. Of course, this presentation is going to require me to give a very thorough introduction on Verdi, himself. My Italian-composer knowledge is by far, much more scant than British or Russian composers of the same era. So, frowl. But it’s good to learn. Verdi is important. This could probably save me from having to commit notes about Verdi to memory in any prospective music-history classes.

AH! It is ridiculous how much I want to see the second InuYasha movie!! Here’s a really good summary that will make you, too, want to see the second InuYasha! *jumps, really wanting to even see the first*

listening to: jill sobule (and her mom) – big shoes, live

This bootleg amuses me so much! If I’m ever famous and doing acoustic gigs, I’m totally going to call my mom and make her sing, too *nyeh*

Warning, I’m on a really big Inuyasha–wait, no. Really big Takahashi Rumiko…thing. I just looked at like 300 screen-caps for the 1st Inuyasha movie. Okay, yeah, that’s a little obsessive but…um…good! And then this morning I was reading through my 3 wide Urusei Yatsura tankouban. That series really freaking amusing, in a rather random sort of way. Like, entirely random. I mean, Ranma at least seemed to keep it’s story within the realm of bizarre martial arts and stuff. But this is just all over the place. With aliens who-seemingly-all-speak-kansai. It’s really amazing to see just how much her art has changed since she started, too. Heck, even from Ranma 1/2 to current Inuyasha. But dammit, I really want more! That’s the problem with manga. They’re easy to collect if you can possibly get within a descent manga shop here in the US. And I already have whatever of Inuyasha is currently released. I know Ranma pretty well. What I’m especially interested in finding originals of are Maison Ikkoku and the Mermaid’s saga.

Okay. Shutting up now.

listening to: v6 – feel your breeze

*throws hands in air* NO CYSO!! Sorry but um…I think driving to Chicago was out of the question for today. It was close, though. I called Phil’s parents at 10:30 because I hadn’t heard anything yet, and Phil and I had talked about backing out, yesterday. Apparently his dad was actually thinking of trying to do it. And now, when I say “I don’t want to go”, it had nothing to do with the fact that I don’t really feel like driving four hours+ for a three hour rehearsal. It’s mostly because the road conditions from here to Joliet are crappy, and I’d be kind of nervous driving for that long in such poor conditions. It was all good, though. Five minutes after I called, my mom talked them out of even thinking of going. So here I am. Blogging. At home. On a Sunday *happy sigh*

The weather certainly has been sucking. I’m pretty sure that because it went straight from rain to snow in the course of an hour, everything beneath the snow is covered in ice. I had a cello lesson, and even driving a mile down my street to ISU was difficult. Yeah. I totally wiped out on our driveway after putting my cello in the car. I was kind of hopping to avoid a rather deep drift, but I managed to land slightly off-balance on a patch of ice, and fall nearly flat on my face. I was rather mad, because it did hurt like hell, after all, but I was too amused to not like…laugh myself a lot of the way over to Cook Hall. It’s one of those things that I wish everyone could have seen me do, muahaha.

Then I went out with Jamie, and we had some excellent driving adventures. We picked up Megan around 9:00, and went to Akemiya beforehand. Honestly. Between the three of us, there were a lot of balance-related problems going on, and I’m not just talking about on ice, either. Anyway, we watched a really bizarre movie that was kind of a psuedo Il Mare, Happy Accident. I’m not sure whether I really liked it, or whether most of it really pissed me off. So, I don’t know. Then I came home and read a lot of American Gods and had quite a bit of trouble getting to sleep.

And now here I am! Not in Chicago! *snerk*

listening to: cibo matto – beef jerky

Kira IMed me yesterday (SEE?! It’s still there!), telling me to beware the white stuff of doom. But at the time I was sort of like “what the hell”, since it had been raining pretty much all day, and I’d walked in it a bit, too (btw, Jamie, I know I take the slow way to and from Stevenson. But…if you hated playing scales in orchestra as much as I do, you’d take the long way, too! =P). Then I skipped off into the rain for a really great episode of the West Wing. But lo and behold it would be snowing like hell by the time I go back home. These weren’t just your average snow-flakes. They were so big and heavy, and the wind was so strong, I ended up using my IKEA umbrella. I was sort of worried about my parents, though, seeing as they wouldn’t be heading back from Peoria until like 11 from their Opera performance. They were made it home alright, though it was sometime after midnight when they did finally get home. And it’s still snowing like hell out there. If this keeps up, I may actually not go to CYSO tomorrow…hmm.

Gah! I had so many things to blog about! But then I forgot all of them save for snow! Oh. Well, yesterday was a lot better than most days have been in a while. I don’t know why. I was getting all these post-performance compliments about our Jazz Gold’s coffeehouse performance. That was nice. I especially like those. Orchestra was weird. I had to help two cellos and a bass with the Vivaldi basso continuo, and instructing other people weirds me out. I totally change my attitude to be analytical. And that’s fine, but then I am no longer fun and insane section-leader. I think this may disconcert people. Especially because I have this problem with interruptions or distractions of any sort when I’m like this. So I don’t mind yelling at people. And being a lot more strict when it comes to helping people with the actual music. I remember Andrew saying he never got anything done whenever he had to give sectionals, because he was too bothered by pushing people around. But I don’t seem to be having any sort of problem pushing people around in these instances. We actually get things done, though. Even if I scare people. Oh! And, that reminds me! I didn’t mean to almost totally evade this since I just mentioned it…I’m playing the Vivaldi double concerto with Andrew at our next concert! That’s Monday, Feb 24th! It’s a really cool piece, and if you don’t mind sitting through a lot of other school-organized stuff, it’s worth coming to hear ^^ Just a note about it…

Huzzah…I wonder where my parents are…

listening to: stuart davis – i eat meat

Just got back from our jazz band coffeehouse gig. Thanks to everyone who came, too!! It was great to see so many U-high faces there! We didn’t really play too particularly well, but it was fun in any case. And Central Catholic’s rhythm section contains at least three godlike musicians. I got enough random courage to compliment their bass player afterward. I have seen this girl around a lot, at competitions and stuff. Back in the day when Central Catholic hated our guts. And apparently she’s one of the top high school jazz musicians in the country. I told her she was awesome (which she was), and she actually said I was really good, too. Then I did something very me and said I was really a cellist, didn’t do too much with bass. She was really nice, though. I was almost surprised. I know that even a lot of CYSO kids who are above me (in several ways) barely even acknowledge me when I compliment them, and she was so warm and nice, and showed a reciprocating interest about me.

Speaking of CYSO kids that never talk to me, I had the most absurd dream. I dreamt that I was suddenly a member of the A-crowd. I remember asking a certain Curtis-accepted-red-head-cellist to listen to me play, and then he asked me to do the same. It was so weird. Maybe I wasn’t really me, but Caroline or something. Let me tell you, it was so nice to feel accepted, even if it was just in my dreams. Lol. In my dreams is right. Haha. It’s not so bad, though, in reality. I have made some pretty good friends up there. And I’m understanding that some people may be under the impression that I’m a red-neck from the corn-district of Illinois, too. That’s something else to consider (really, though, some people have actually said they have this general idea that that’s how everyone from central illinois is…).

I feel really strange right now. I always feel strange after school-organized performances. Sort of drained and incomplete. This may sound really odd and random, but part of it has to do with whatever is playing in the car on the way home from whatever thing I do. More laid-back songs with melancholy notes/lyrics don’t work for me. I need upbeat and crazy things to keep my mood high. Like J-Pop/J-Rock, or random stuff that’s fun to listen to, like early REM (heeheehee). And Josh, who gave me a ride home since I’m car-less, was listening to Coldplay. And, given, I don’t mind Coldplay. But that is definitely not post-performance-Talia-safe music to listen to. That’s not the only thing that makes me weird after this sort of thing, I’m sure, but it’s one of the things I’ve actually noticed makes a vague to large difference.

Okay. I’m not going to delete AIM. I was just living through a moderately frustrating moment, and AIM happened to be something I noticed that was annoying me at the time, and something I could blame for being frustrated. So no worries, ^^v

Blah. I’m going to go off and do something to make me feel more person-like again…

listening to: rem – lightning hopkins

Nobody likes this song, apparently. I was perusing the lists at murmurs.com (big rem fansite), and they actually had a poll that was “the worst ten rem songs”. Of all the hundreds of lists, this song, or Fireplace (my other favorite Document song) were reoccuring. But my ultimately favorate song, The Wrong Child, got the worst of it. I’d say 9 out of10 people hated that song. But I don’t give a crap about the lyrics. I think I’m just a fan of it because of the mandolin *drools over Peter Buck’s mandolin playing*

*grumble mutter grumble mutter* I’m having a rather frustrating moment or two. Just…AAAH! PEOPLE! I am honestly considering deleting AIM from my computer. I only manage to frustrate myself in trying to talk to people. I can talk to the poeple I want to in school, or *gasp* call them, perhaps. I just…AAH!

Whoa. Yeah. I think my usual communication problems (honestly. I can’t even speak anymore) combined with my cello problems are serving to irritate me. Then, I only did have a very disheartening cello lesson with the conductor of the PSO last night. I mean, it was kind of intense. Demanding. There were a couple times when I felt like crying, even. But then I remembered, wait a minute. He’s really a conductor! And his Beethoven had weird notes! So that made me feel better. But…things like that make me realize what a technically bad player I am. The guy at DePauw did a good job of getting me to look for things, and pointing a couple more that were leading in the right direction. But last night was just…aah, too much.

Sometimes I think I should make a blog for cello. Practice, technique, stuff. Then there are other times when I really think I should simply QUIT and be done with it *is frustrated again*. Ah, but no, no. I’m fine. Everything is fine. I just needed like…my half-hour of weird mood-swings. I’m really glad to try and contain them to home, and not school. Tantrum Talia.

Gah. American Gods is so good. But that’s all I really have to say for now.

Nothing interesting has been happening, being the reason for which I haven’t blogged much. So…what to say..? Well, for one thing, I hate Bradley Basketball and their interference with the West Wing *frowl* I really need to make sure I know when it’s airing Sunday, so that I may at least tape it if I’m not home to see it. Stupid CYSO.

Oh, so CYSO is going to Western for a concert and some clinics and stuff, on a Saturday in March. What sucks is that after driving from Chicago to Macomb, we have to drive right back to up to CHicago for a rehearsal on the next day. I mean, you’d think since it’s a concert, and we’re being clinicianed a ton, they’d just let us be the next day. But then, I’m probably upset just because it’s a two hour drive to Chicago, and like a five-hour drive between Chicago and Macomb. *frowl* But I’m rooming with Allie. Which rocks. It’s some comfort that I know and like who I’m going to room with. I realized that CYSO reminds me a little bit of junior high, in a very cliche sort of way. I feel like the outsider, and that’s why it’s been so hard to make friends. Given, things have been much better recently, and I’m actually enjoying the company I have, in addition to the music-making. But yeah. Thinking of junior high still depresses me a bit, so I’ll end this now.

*sigh* Back to the lounge, I guess…

listening to: rem – time after time

Gaah! Stupid … fanfiction! Stupid internet…allowing me to read the stupid fanfiction (oh, is it ever stupid …)! Nhuh!

Yeah. It really really sucks that I can’t get ahold of any more of Shiina Ringo’s newly released stuff. I’ve heard like…three samples, and they’re all incredibly neeeat sounding. There’s one song that I have a live version of, done with a five-person band, and it’s totally redone with an orchestra, made almost to sound like Pizzicato Five. Stupid obsessions, honestly. Though most of the time it makes me feel good to obsess about things Japanese. Especially Ringo. Her music is just so genuine and well…good! And for some reason, because only a small percentage of readers probably recognize her name even, it makes me feel good. Almost superior, because I’m a fan of something that few other people can even recognize. I think that’s the natural arrogant part of me. Like I’m sitting on my high horse. Please, somebody feel free to knock me off, anytime.

You know, I can almost guess that in Japan, the favored Beatle may indeed be Ringo. This is because “ringo” really means “apple”, and I know if I was amused by this, other people (namely those in Japan) have also been amused by this. I never really thought about that before. Only that Ringo Starr shared a name with Shiina Ringo, and that Shiina Ringo’s first name meant “apple”.

Because I haven’t really felt like doing any snes/nes rpging lately, but have still had this great need to play games, I’ve resorted to playing a lot of the games on our Commadore 64 (ie, like a 20 year old box with a screen that plays 8-bit games when I remember the loading codes to them *frowls at self*). Anyway, there’s this game called “Legend of the Knuckerhole” that I can’t seem to detach myself from. You’re Jack. With Jet-boots. And you have to duck under low-ceiling, and dodge lazers, and avoid like…conveyer belts things. Anyway, this game is great. I could play it for hours, though I never really progress or come nearer to winning (mainly because I’m bad…). But, whoa. It’s late, and I’m not (1) reading American Gods or (2) asleep. So I should go now, and probably end up doing both and having more weird-ass dreams.

I found out something really cool about the music program at Iowa, yesterday. I was doing some random scrounging on their site, and I stumbled across a page dedicated to the Center for New Music (0_0) aka, they offer a major that is actually a program for contemporary music! That excites me greatly, even though I would probably not seek a career in performing contemporary stuff *scratches chin*. But yeah, this would actually make sense. I recall looking at an earlier list of recently visiting musicians, and considering Kronos Quartet and Terry Riley and a bunch of other weird composers had been there, would this not make sense?!

I don’t know why I’ve been rereading Ranma 1/2 again. FYI, I used to be wholly obsessed with this series. It’s pretty much what launched me into loving manga/anime. But then for a good three years, I haven’t been paying much attention to it. First of all, the series has been finished for a while. I know how it ends. I know that the progression from the beginning is like…50% (plus about 200 random characters), and I prefer a good amount more with endings. But whatever. I still like the characters. For one thing, having just recently gone through InuYasha, I’m really really anxious for something to happen in that series. And it’s hard when you only find out little tiny bits on a weekly basis. So Ranma 1/2 is like a distraction for me. A nice one, too. On a side-note, I’m also reading American Gods, which is incredibly good so far ( <–enthusiasm!!!!!!!)!

listening to: do as infinity – sense of life

Whoa. So, in CIYS, we sight-read through Shostakovich 5th Symphony (which I guess we’re going to attempt to play) and it was…innteresting. Fun, I guess. I feel that this will be something we’ll just barely scrape through, but that I’ll just be happy I get to play it for myself, in the end. Phil’s now a member of the orchestra, too, which is fun. We drove over together which, though I enjoy driving by myself and being able to really turn up the stereo and simply listen, was nice to have someone to talk to in a situation where I don’t have to sensor or PC-ify my speech for the sake of parent ears. I must also say, no matter how random or childish this sounds, I am so very glad Phil has a similar opinion about my Dad’s choice of road music on the way back from Chicago, haha.

I’ve made some pretty serious progress on this “study abroad” matter in the past 24 hours. So this will serve as an update. The prospect of participating with Sister Cities to study in Asahikawa for a year is still out there. But then I recalled a program I’d been sent a letter about two years ago, the same program Jamie and Megan went to Japan with, Youth for Understanding. They have a 6-week program during the summer. Now it’s true that six weeks is nothing compared to a year, but considering the fact that I’d really like to actually go to college next semester, and am not certain how I’d do with a year, it’s not bad. Also is the fact that that amount of time would test me, kind of give me a feel for whether I’d rather devote my time to music or Japan, being away from everything musical I could ever participate in the summer. Also, if it turned out to be a great experience, but I feel my attachments to music are stronger, I would save myself a whole academic year of being inactive with music, whether or not I would take my cello with me, or rent one for a year were I to be accepted as an exchange student to Asahikawa. But that’s not the main point. The main point is that no matter how strong I feel I’ve worked this year, no matter how many opportunities I would have later, the urge to go back is so strong. Maybe it sounds childish. Maybe it sounds obsessive, but my gut feeling is telling me something important, and all I can do is follow it. That is that. Thanks go to every single person who has given me advice or in some way shown concern!

Anyway, I’ve been feeling a lot less, well…bitchy. The other subjects which I had planned ranting upon have left me. It is late, I am tired, and Japanese calls *frowl*

Um, hi. Yeah. I’m currently not really sane. And I haven’t blogged in forever, so I apologize, but I have to make some important decisions, soon. They’re not exactly easy decisions, either. One of them has to do with my going to Japan. I really want to go, but I’m being held back, since I’ve worked so hard with the cello, and feel like if I gave it up for a year, I’d be giving it up forever. Especially since I’m not sure whether music or Japan will be more important to me, in the longrun. It’s difficult to say right now. All I know is that my gut feeling is that Japan is too important to ignore, and that I need to at least satisfy my urges to go there again. I don’t know. This is all rather confusing, and tiring to think about. But I need to decide this, soon. Moof. Anyway, enough with that. My thanks go to Kellie for leaving good advice in her blog!

I have nothing else too important to say. Muah.

Okay, I realized a couple things today. For one (and if I’ve mentioned this before, forgive me), I always have a piece of music stuck in my head. Whether I’m like…mentally unable to stop myself from rehearsing symphonies or quartets in my head, or I just have a two measure somethingerother in my head, there’s always something going. And for some reason, and I’m quite serious, it has been “Death of Tybalt” from Prokofiev’s Romeo and Juliet for about a month now. And since I’ve been playing Tchiak 5 lately, that’s the other thing that’s been up there. Anyway…

I was sitting in the lounge during my free hour, and all was well until like, one too many people joined my table, and suddenly there a bunch of random people totally surrounding the area, and I had to move. THat’s all, really. Just updating on the continuing battle of “I hate everyone”! I don’t really hate everyone…just…sometimes, especially recently, I’m so frustrated with some of the people around me. I apologize if I’ve been acting bitchy toward everyone recently *frowls at self*

And uh…I suddenly heart Ranma 1/2 again. I really really wish I had more of it in Japanese. I think I have like…uh..well, ten or something. But that’s nothing. Gosh. Why are all my hobbies so expensive and hard to get to? *sigh*

listening to: shiina ringo – ufo

CYSO was nowhere near as bad as it should have been, yesterday. Considering how tired I was from IMEA, anyway. We learned the results of our seating auditions. I didn’t do too bad, which was nice, considering I always prepare myself for the worst when it comes to stuff like that. For Mahler and something that starts with a “C”, I’m sitting 7th chair, next to Dana (YAAAY). For the Strauss, I’m sitting (!!) 5th chair, next to Chris! What the hell?! I can’t really say I even played Struass at all, during my audition. What I played were random made-up notes. But yeah, I can’t say I’m proud about moving up from 8th and 10th chairs. Because Caroline and Amali both QUIT. It sucks because they were good. And I didn’t mind sitting behind them. It makes me feel good that I didn’t quit, myself, when i was thinking about it earlier.

The rehearsal itself was a normal, long, tiring, freaking 3 hour rehearsal. Learned that Allen has amazing rhythm from having played with a steel band in grad school (which I think is incredibly cool). Gah, we played through Mahler, which was good. And then we attempted to play Bernstein (his rhythmically STRANGE piece…), at which Allen began to question our own ability to count, since we’d been “so good” at the Mahler. But…geez! I mean…Mahler. Bernstein. Mahler. Bernstein. You do the math (
I really didn’t do well in school today. As expected, I’m still on music rush from the weekend, so dealing with people was crappy. Especially when I start talking about “something I’ve played”. I don’t blame people for not taking much interest when I start talking about Strauss, either. I did pretty well until about noon, where I was randomly mood-swingish. Japanese made me better, but then I came back to orchestra, and things were suddenly not better again. Orchestra was especially bad, because I want productive rehearsals, dammit! I came in a couple minutes late (because I’m always late because of Japnaese), and Ms. Ehrlich was lecturing students about how they need to be in class on time. And suddenly, everyone was openly critisizing her and trying to argue with no logic! And…GRR! That stopped quickly enough. But when Ms. Ehrlich told Josh to stop plucking and fingering his bass while she was talking, he was like “nobody can hear me anyway”, and I totally turned around and snapped “I can hear you! So STOP!!”, and, I’m sorry, Josh, but AAAAAAAAAH! I talked to Ms. Ehrlich after class, and it was funny to hear how she felt about the matter, that it was really hard to keep our class under control. I offered to yell at pretty much anybody for her, and she said it was okay, too, haha. I’m sorry, but I cannot understand it when people talk back to teachers just to spite them! I try to set a good example, sitting quietly and listening, so I feel that since everybody still talks and plucks and talks back, I have a right to yell at them. I’m obviously not safe to be around anymore *ties self up in anticipation of the next full moon*

WAtched an original mst3k starring Joel, Saturday. I liked it very much. I’m more fond of Mike, but probably just because that’s who I’m used to. Gah, I need amusement in life!

listening to: jill sobule – trains (I can’t seem to get enough of this song)

Aaaah, Allstate was a lot of fun. I never realized how much fun it is to be with so many other musicians. I know I complain about CYSO people a lot, but this was like, a combination of the cool people from CYSO, a lot of people from Peoria, and then a lot from B-N. Plus a ton of random new people I met. Anyway, I ended up sitting 6th chair in the honors orchestra, which is one chair higher than I sat last year, and not to mention, really really good! My standpartner was (!!) my standpartner for district! It was awesome! Stuff like that has been happening to me! Sophomore and junior year, I had the same standpartner in honors! But we both moved from like, the very back of the section to the middle-front, together. I really loved everyone sitting around me, too. Charlie was 4th, directly in front of me, and then the crazy girl from last year was directly in back of me. I got to know the other people, too.

Our conductor was awesome! And, I’ll say the same thing about any conductor we’ve ever had in honors, but only because it’s true! Every conductor at Allstate has been amazing. The stuff we were playing was amazing, too. Tchiak 5 and Struass’s Die Fladdermauss. Though we did rehearse a lot. Or if it wasn’t a lot in one day, it was hella early. Like, 7am early. And in the Civic Center Arena (aka, ice rink). The concert went pretty well. The band was really boring, but all the CYSO people looked at eachother and snerked a lot when they started playing Holst’s “Jupiter” in a slightly different key. Teehee. Our concert went really well too. We sounded as good as we could have performing in an ice rink *rolls eyes*

There was a lot more All-Stateish stuff for me to blog about, eh.