Mm. Thanksgiving. I hope everybody’s had as nice a Thanksgiving as I have. We went to eat with our friends in Champaign, and they’re really neat people. Musician/book people. They have an 8th grade daughter who is rather obsessing over Japan at the moment, as well as beginning to learn the language. I don’t think I actually spoke to her, but her mother really enjoyed talking with me about East Asian culture and the languages between China and Japan and so such. Anyhoo, I ate lots of food. Especially mashed potatoes. Mmm. And then we finished off the night with Earl Gray tea (teehee. I was actually thinking to myself what a shame it was that it wasn’t midnight and a full moon and actually possible to posess a tea prince. Sigh).

Eehee, I finished Howl’s Moving Castle in the car on the way to Champaign. The end was so good! I’m so happy it’s going to be the next Miyazaki movie! I was actually having some serious doubts about how things would turn out, because I got to the point where only ten or so pages were left, and there were still so many untied ends. But it all managed to wrap itself up in about five pages. It was excellent. It ended the exact way it should have. And then I got maybe fifty or so pages into Harry Potter and the Prizoner of Azkaban (I just couldn’t help myself. I don’t have books 1 or 2, else I would have actually started with those. I thought it would be appropriate having just seen the movie). I really don’t feel like doing anything this weekend. Just sitting around and reading. Unfortunately, I have to leave for Chicago at 7:30 tomorrow morning, so I can get my bow fixed. It broke the morning of IMEa, the same way it broke in April. Luckily, this time, I was prepared with a second bow. I wonder what could have gone wrong, though. The screw that gave is still pretty new! We’re taking it to Kenneth Warren & Son, who I’m not entirely sure I trust. They did a very shoddy job of rehairing my bow a couple years back, and I haven’t been comfortable with them since. They did, however, make my cello originally.

And there are those pesky madrigal dinners to ruin my Saturday and Sunday of perspective lazing. No, I’m actually excited. I’m just fretful of the fact that Sundays were days I used for lazing, and now I either have a days worth of rehearsing and driving, or a madrigal dinner. Muh. Oh well. I’m excited that I get to be feathery, anyway. And that I don’t have three really long monologues to know. Just eight legitimate lines. Yay!

And…excuse me as I get a sort of personal rant going. If I offend you somehow, too bad. I don’t know if I can quite call this senioritis, but I’m really sick of high school. Everything about it at this point is making me tired. Especially some of the people. I realize that I am quite happy being here in Normal, IL. I like my parents and my home, and what I do outside of school. But there are some certain people who drive me crazy, and I never realize this until I’m in company with them at school. Some of them are even my friends. I realized I have very few close friends. I can name five people who actually want to see me outside of a school setting. They call me, and invite me to do random things which I most of the time seem to have some crappy conflict with, but are immensely appreciated, regardless. What is sad, is that only one of these poeple actually goes to school with me currently *waves lovingly at Renata*. So being in school, I feel uncomfortable, and generally unwanted. And I get tired of it. Jamie and Megan are my best friends. But seeing as they can’t be at U-High every waking hour of the day with me, a-lonely I do become. And let’s face it, I do spend all my time either at U-High or rehearsing in Chicago/Morton. Then there’s Jeff and Emily, who go to school out East. Jeff actually called me before he got home, and we met yesterday (btw, he’s now a Harry Potter fan, which I’m relishing, since he made fun of me for it last year). And I’ve tried to arrange things with other people, occasionally, but it never works out for one reason or another. There’s always someone more important, or something major to conflict. So, I really can’t wait until I can leave high school, try to find a place where my presence may actually be appreciated, simply for being. Not just because it is a prime musician and can accompany a band, or because it can help some other person with music theory. Yeah. I’m sure the gist is gotten. I feel really good right now *nods*

P.S. Renata–I almost sent you a Howler from the HP website ^_^ But I changed my mind when all the messages were negative.

*stabs blogger with 13 inch dragon heart-string cedar wand* Grr! I finally post an entry, and doesn’t appear on my site!

I’ve managed to please myself wholly since last Saturday, throughout all this crap that’s going on. I finally saw Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, as I previously mentioned. And dammit, I wanna be enrolled at Hogwarts, too! Oh, it was so good! If I went crazy for the first one, it’s hard to describe the way I’m reacting to this one! It was better (though no movie could ever compare to the book). I love Ron, but I love Harry, too! They’re both so great *cries* And Kenneth Branaugh was Lockhart and I was way too excited at that prospect, even though I never liked Lockhart and he fit the part very well. And…I know everybody is still talking about Oliver Wood crazily, but in all honesty, I think the Weasely twins could give him a run for his money *is really just a fan of anybody with a Scottish accent* I really need to see it again, though! Soon! I’d like to this weekend, if possible. Perhaps tomorrow or Saturday night, if anybody wants to go-wooo!

Last night I saw Treasure Planet, the previews for which looked incredible. Incredible it was, visually. The story was okay. I enjoyed it, definitely, but it can’t be put on a list of favorites, I’m afraid. If anything, it was groundbreaking for Disney visually. Some of the animated/computer effects were really great. Haha, at the very end when Jim was standing around, looking older, Jamie whispered to me “He needs a girl!”, followed by “He sort of looks like Cain from New York New York” which is rather IRONIC (and entertaining). But yeah, and besides that, I finished watching Pride and Prejudice (which was maybe…four hours of it in one day…) yesterday, and watched Mulan this morning. I feel so lazy and satisfied. I’m making a plan of watching as much random Disney as possible in the next two days whenver I’m home.

Though I’m being lazy, I’ve still managed to get things done, too. My New England Conservatory application is ready to go, and I’m confident it will be there by next Monday (though my letters of recommedation and transcripts will be there later, but I’m guessing that their first deadline is for counting names and numbers and simply having ones main application in, or so I’m hoping since otherwise I’m screwed). And I just have to put the last marks on my Oberlin application, which is due in the middle of January, so at very least I’m ahead with that. Oooh, but this only reminds me that I need to mention how I recieved my letter of acceptance from UI, and that makes me feel sooo good. Like I will actually be able to go college, since I’ve actually been having serious doubts lately, haha. Ha.

My being sick is not helping anything, though. I don’t know whether this is the flu or a cold, but whatever it is, it took my voice away for two days, preventing me from doing anything during madrigal rehearsals but mouthing words. In any case, whatever this is, it’s slowly migrating throughout my body. It started low in my throat, with simply pain, working it’s way up and bringing some mucas with it. Now my voice is back, but my sinuses are having a most unpleasant time. Perhaps soon it will wear itself out and die. Hopefully, because I can imagine the madrigal dinners won’t be much fun with any sort of virus wreaking havoc throughout my body. Mluh.

Note: This entry orginally written on Monday, November 25th

Talia…lives!…sort of.

My apologies for a serious lack of updates. That’s very unlike me, isn’t it, not updating. Well, anyhow the past week or so has been very much…exhilirating, both in good and bad ways. In bad ways because I’m now rather sick. But in good ways because I really really got to play the cello.

Saturday rocked, quite simply. It was probably the best IMEA district festival I’ve participated in. Everything about our conductor was excellent. He picked everything apart, one step at a time, but managed not to waste a cent of our time. He also told great stories, but best of all was his reference to the West Wing. “Heaven forbid that teenagers should watch television but…you all did see that West Wing episode where Bartlett won, and they all sang a tune that was pulled directly from Brahms’s Academic Festival Overature, did you not?” And I know I fretted a great deal at first about ending up second chair, but I really really enjoyed sitting next to this guy. He was a good player, and most important of all, he was pleasant and considerate. If he had been a total asshole, I obviously would have pretty much ignored him. However, I did have one interest encounter pertaining this guy (his name is Griffin, which in itself is awesome). I walked in around 8:10am, and made my way to the front of the section, where my seat was. My stand-partner was sitting down in his chair, and his director–who I then recognized as the second cello judge, btw–was pretty much blocking my way. And I would have very politely said “excuse me”, but I didn’t want to interrupt. He noticed me finally, asked if he was blocking my way, and then moved. But not before he said in a rather urgent and over-enthusiastic tone “This is Griffin”. I was polite and introduced myself in return, but what I really wanted to say to the director/cello judge was “I’m Talia. And I’m capable of introducing myself!” But I like sitting with this guy a lot! I don’t mean to sound paranoid or whatever, but it was obvious the judge/director guy knew who I was but was not particularly fond of me. Anyway, the day was fun, and Andrew joined Molly, Jenny and I for lunch, which was especially fun. I ended the day with Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets which I’ll have to expand on later because it was so goooood!

Sunday was pretty amazing, too. I don’t need to expand on much about the CIYS concert, other than that it went alright. We managed to get out of Peoria by 3:50, giving us a good amount of time to get to Orchestra Hall in Chicago by the time the 7:30 concert rolled around. The only worrysome thing was the fact that it was snowing most of the way there. But it barely slowed us down, and only made Chicago all the more enjoyable once we got there. The concert it self was just short of phenomenal. I can say that the audience deciding to applaud after every movement of the planets did detract from the atmosphere of the music a little. Other than that, great concert (I really hope they edit the unneccesary applause from the CD). I felt so good afterward. We stepped out of orchestra hall to find it was snowing, only adding to the Christmassy effect. The downside to this whole thing was that I spent just short of five hours in a car, and that we got home at nearly 12:30. Blech. In any case, it’s a real shame nobody wanted to come ^^

Lesse…what else. Recently, I’ve sunk to whole new lows. I’ve been so in need of HanaKimi fanfiction, I’ve started reading the Japanese fanfic. Though admittedly, I only think of it as sad because I know that’s how other people will see it. I actually find it quite satisfying (while taking into acount that it takes me at least 3x as long to read through, with the aid of this very helpful site. I really appreciate the fact that it’s in Japanese, though. Reading English fanfiction for a manga that is originally Japanese can be very very irritating at times. Yes. Fanfic. *hangs head in shame*

Just for the record, I have a really strong appreciation for crazy people.

Last night as I was minding my own business, I was ruthlessly attacked by my parrot. Okay, so it was my fault that he bit me, and it wasn’t too particularly ruthless. But usually when you say “gimme kiss” to my bird, he’ll put his head down and let you kiss it. I said this, and he put his head down, but as I was about to kiss him, he thrust his beak up, and really really bit my chin. And I bled rather profusely. I told this to a guy-friend at school who was like “Oh yeah? I bled profusely when I cut myself while I was shaving this morning,” and I just had to ask how often he bled profusely from parrot bites. As is expected, I won. Anyway, I still haven’t forgiven Pete (-she says as the bird is sitting on her-).

It was another enjoyable day of Creative Writing. Mainly because Mrs. Clesson was not there. We had two student teachers who got us started on a unit dealing with haiku. Sooooooo nice. I love reading good haiku, and though I’m not too great at writing them, I don’t have to strain to come up with numerous haiku at great speeds. So if I’m alright, Justin is amazing. I have read such great haiku that were whipped together in less than a minute. I could read his for hours. He even wrote one about Marion being pissed at him for writing such good haiku. And then to counter that, she wrote one about his eyebrows. Yes. Anyway, here are two that I wrote, that I’m not too ashamed of:

A broken tree stands

Against skies of blue and creme

Death fills the open plane

A spark finds its home

Fire fills the blackened sky

People dance below

The first one was about a dead tree (in winter). I saw a gnarly bare tree against the clouded blue sky the other day, and I guess it was just based on that visual in my head. The second one is about fireworks, but oddly enough, everybody thought it was about people dying in a fire 0.0 I’ll leave it open to your interpretation. Maybe it would seem less morbid had I used “Fire fills the stary night” in the second stanza. Anyhoo…I’ll post some of Justin’s if he’ll let me. They are rich, indeed.

I can’t remember if I mentioned that we talked to Mrs. Corpus yesterday. But she reflected our words to the whole group before rehearsal today, and asked us, pleaded us, that we do our best to get the most out of our last reherasals. And things went so much better today! If only most of our rehearsals could have been that way, then I might feel a lot more comfortable as a group. Sigh.

My day was in no way notable. So I’m going to refrain from remarking upon it. Instead, allow me to remark upon — BONNIE PINK IS RELEASING A SINGLE! I could not be happier at this time, in terms of favorite artists and release dates of their new stuff! First Shiina Ringo, and now Bonnie Pink (although admittedly, I’m a big fan of all BP’s earlier stuff. I’m hoping this single can break that pattern). I have to say, regretfully, that BP’s latest picture on her site is in no way a desirable one. I miss the days when she sported the pink Beatle’s cut. Oh well. My obsessions have me pegged, so there’s nothing I can do about liking her immensely no matter what the quality of her albums or photos are.

On to other subjects that aren’t relavent to me. I’m currently re-reading Kareshi Kanojo no Jijou. My original opinion of it wasn’t all that great. I was really into perhaps the first five books, originally. Generally the five that followed the first half of the anime. I loved the beginning of the anime. It was not only well done visually, but the seiyuu were well chosen, the music was catchy, in addition to staying with the manga, all of which is very well written, in my non-fluent-Japanese-speaking opinion. Plus my being a really big shoujo geek. So when I got to reading the stuff that came beyond the anime, I didn’t really like it. I was never comfortable with Arima’s angsty family problems, especially when everything involving those became a little surreal. But now that I’m seriously reading it again, I’m finding other little bits that give me pleasure. I especially enjoy how past a certain point, almost every other character gets a story, or a major conflict. I love how it’s not just about two people, but about the trials of everybody surrounding those two people. And then it manages to go back to the original two people every so often, and create some situation of progress. Of all characters, so far, Tsubasa and Kazuma are my favorites now, hands down. I could reread their stories days and days over. On a slight side note, I really like Maho and her doctor-friend (who’s about ten years older than she is, fyi). Aaah. I love owning over 100 tankouban. It makes me feel special, somehow =^^=

Well, I can’t delay forever. My day actually was notable. Notably bad. I’m really drained from yesterday, I think, and it’s left me cranky and unpleasant *bares teeth* Between telling sensei that I lost my composition booklet, and realizing I do too much (yet again), things were in no way pleasant. So I honestly can’t figure out what could have happened to my composition booklet. I remember recieving it with corrections after turning it in for the chapter five unit, but after that, things are fuzzy. I completely dissected my room looking for it. So it can only be assumed I misplaced it somewhere at school, or out of school, but someplace not at home. I wouldn’t be surprised if it were sitting around somewhere on the 8th floor of the Fine Arts Building on Michigan Ave. Sensei said he understood that it was my senior year and that I was incredibly busy, but that didn’t stop me from feeling extremely guilty and stupid. The only possible comfort was that I explained the situation in Japanese (poorly. I’ve been noticing that I’m a wonderful listener/reader, but my speaking skills lack so much). So that was one sort of stressful (kinchou shiteita) experience. Then, after a court-singer/madrigal rehearsal, Megan, Michelle and I stopped Mrs. Corpus and tried to explain our concern and annoyance with the group. She totally agreed to everything we had to say, and assured us that she was also very worried, and prepared to talk to the group tomorrow before our rehearsal. That’s some comfort to me. My reasons stand strong. There is nothing anybody can do to convince me that our rehearsals have been constructive. I’m hoping this could change tomorrow. One notably good thing, I actually did a Creative Writing project well, for once. We were supposed to design a layout for a previously written paper, based on a design we found from a magazine. So I started to just randomly putting things together without knowing how to do it on Publisher, and it ended up looking good enough to recieve compliments. There was this space I needed to fill with an advertisement of some sort, and I made mine an advertisement for traveling to Hokkaido. It was really cute. I even found a Maeda Shinzo picture on the web, shrunk it and inserted it. Teehee, Japan…

Just a un-important note, I typed this entry on Simpletext with Courier New font, and it helped me incredibly, for some reason…

listening to: Bjork – Cvalda

Owiiie! With the pain of the eyes and head! This new perscription is worth has been so much more trouble than it should be. It feels to me like my new lenses are too strong, which I have concluded from the throbbing strain-related headache that I experienced after about two hours of wear. At this point, I’d prefer the stinging and difficult to put in contact lenses, to my previously much-loved glasses. Oh, and I did recieve some explanation of the stinging-thing. It’s basically the combination of a few things. One, the dry weather. Two, the fact that I’m new to them. Yep, that’s it. I’m just not supposed to overwear them, which I actually haven’t been doing (I love my optomitrist, mainly because he’s a classical music buff. He comes to my parent’s recitals simply for the fun of it. I’m on a British composer kick of late, and he started going on about “Tippet”, who I had never heard of in my life before he mentioned him. But then last night when I was perusing my CD collection, I found a short work by Tippet, on a CD I’d never really bothered listening to. Woo!).

Left for Chicago at 8:15. Simply typing that has stopped up my urge to type any more about today. Anyway, we ended up in front of Roosevelt U around 10:30, and it was looocked -.- So Phil and I sat in the FAB lobby for like a half hour and finally got into our building and proceeded to practice. Again, Yuko Mori was our coach, and she gives us such energy! Fwee! I love the Brahms! Especially now that I’m capable of playing it! James found our group another violinist, though he hasn’t practiced with us yet. I think this group is really coming together. It’s chamber music of a sort I haven’t really experienced before. After chamber rehearsals, we were shipped to East Leyden, and played a kind of spacey concert. Something I’ve discovered — my standpartner and I have the same symptoms of nervousness during performances. We both missed pretty much the same entrances and everything. This only means I need to try and energize myself with confidence, because if we’re both unstable, it’s a problem. Honestly, I rely on my standpartner so much through tough junk. I really appreciate Chris.

I felt even more loved and person-like after today, too. I feel like I’m actually becoming relatively acquanted with and accepted by particular few. I was talking with our new violinist, who plans on quitting CYSO. When I asked him what his reasons were, he basically worded every complaint I had about the group. It was nice to find somebody else who felt similar, and be able to discuss it (though obviously, I’m not going to be quitting any time soon). James is really friendly, too, and says he appreciates my playing as well as my being, which means the world to me ;_; I think as a musician, my main performance goal is to have some effect on other people, through my playing. Until recently, I thought it had to be directly impressing people with my skills and choice of reportoire. But I’m starting to see that I can have an impact on other people by helping them and teaching them with what knowledge of music I have gained through my years. This is something I’ve found out teaching other cellists at school, which I actually really enjoy. Let me tell you, there is no better reward than hearing people’s words of gratitude and appreciation for such things. Not even praise of a good performance has the same effect. Especially when I do put my time and energy into them. I feel like at least there is something good coming out of my being sucked completely of energy. I sat through my cello lesson yesterday about to pass out. I need sleep. -_-

A certain sad cow changed her blog layout AGAIN.

Palooza last night was good. Good but loud. Dry Ice Factory rocked, quite simply. I especially enjoyed the part where Drue lifted his guitar onto his shoulders and tried to solo (and still managed). Kyle Ferguson’s band was good, too. Kyle came up to me after his group played and showed me his thumb, which was raked raw of skin, and bleeding profusely. Owie. And I played with Simple in Theory. I just want to ask, anybody reading this who was actually there for that, could you hear me at all?! Nick said he put his ear right up to a monitor and still couldn’t hear me. Anyway, I played alright. I was going for this awesome Apocolyptica-esque solo, which I only barely managed. And it was um…fun.

I have to leave for CYSO at 8 tomorrow morning, BLEH. Our chamber music rehersal starts at 11 instead of 12:15, because of our run-out concert. So pretty much directly after rehearsal, we’re shipped to Franklin Park to rehearse and play. It’s a relief not to have to rehearse for three hours with the orchestra, though. Wednesday night is going to contain high amounts of suckage. Or so I thought, until I remembered that it will be in Orchestra Hall, and I’ve only sat in a concert hall like that. Not played in it. And if it’s anything like a “dress rehearsal” should be, there will be minimal problems with stopping. Nothing passes time better than playing straight through an entire piece like “The Planets”. In a hall like that. Muahaha.

I found this Shiina Ringo website with all of “Zecchoushuu” on it (Ringo’s b-sides/live discs), and even though I already have it burnt on CD, the sound quality of these files are far superior. Mmm. Shiina Ringo. I really wonder what the hell her new album/single’s going to be like. Eeehee. Oh, I randomly stumbled upon this site containing rants on how Hamasaki Ayumi is more innovative and unique, based on lyrics first of all. And at first, I thought I’d give it a chance and read. As I was reading, I was trying to push down the opinion that kept creeping into the back of my mind, that this person was using some very poor arguments, not backed in the most intellectual or well-worded manners. And then I caught sight of the world “uniquer” and I had to give up completely. Sigh.

I hate it when blogger won’t post my entries.

The alto power-Madrigal singers (Megan, Michelle, myself) have decided we need to approach our directer with a serious issue. As was brought to our attention during rehearsal on Thursday, we only have eight more rehearsals. And we haven’t memorized jack. And, this wouldn’t normally bother me so much, if it weren’t for the attitudes and efforts of a few people. I don’t know what I want her to do about it. Approach us all as a group, and seriously tell us that there’s no joking around, that we need to work effeciently and I just wish we could hold reasonably functional and productive rehearsals. That’s all I’d want. But I can’t say we’ve really had one of those. It’s really distressing to me, because I know we’re supposed to be having fun, but that’s not what the group is based on, fun. It’s based on music, and working, really working together as a group, musically and theatrically, to produce a really good show that is fun to do. And doesn’t feel like we’re working, at all. We’re reading, really, and kind of memorizing things as we go. If we could just focus ourselves entirely during the next eight rehearsals, I’d feel so much more confident, because there’s no doubt in my mind that we could be just as good as previous years, if we could just focus ourselves to do it. Sigh. That’s my madrigal rant.

Aaah, I actually convinced Ms. Johnson to let me play jazz cello in Jazz Gold! It wouldn’t matter that our group this year can’t play, I’d get to solo on something that WORKS! Aahaha. Yeah, in case I’d neglected to mention that Jazz Gold started up, things aren’t so hot. I don’t doubt we’ll be okay this year, but remembering back to my freshman year, where we had all those incredibly good people, and I couldn’t seem to keep up with them, it makes me sad. I miss Mai ;_;

Aaahaha, somebody called Ewan McGregor “Japan’s media whore”. Aaahaha!

I hate I manage to delete have my entry on accident. Growf.

Just Say No — To Volunteer Playing That’s Not Worth It

I’m whipped! Aaah! I wish I could learn to say no to random jobs that aren’t worth my time. Such as babysitting (though the pay is good) and, I’m sorry to say, jazz band. I don’t think I know my limits at all. I was just sitting, thinking, during Youth Symphony, and suddenly a thought struck me that really really excited me. The thought of being in a chamber group with Kyra. So I asked how the thought struck her, and she was very enthusiastic about the idea! So yeah, there goes a little more of my soul. But it would be so much fuuun. Ha, and then Beverly asked me if I wanted to play the Brahms piano trio, and all I could do was “ooh” and “aah” and agree without a second thought. Aaaah, I’ll never be free again! I wish I could accumulate sleep. Or suspend time but still be animated myself for a good 24 hours or so.

And oh my, I have no idea where my Japanese composition booklet is. And I’ve looked everywhere but my room, which is filled with so many useless papers. It’s got to be there somewhere. I know it’s late, and I know it’ll take a long time, but I’ll find it, and I’ll write it, and turn it in, and all will be so very very well. This is the supposed plan. I’m going to go do that now.

Blaaah. So, the contact lens thing is actually working. There is only the slight setback of paaain! Is it supposed to sting horendously when you first put them in? I mean, I’m cleaning them off thoroughly before I put them in. And it hurts a lot. Enough that I blink and jump up and down a lot to make the pain STOOP (I’m actually really proud of myself for now being able to put them in without the aid of someone to inform me what I’m doing wrong).

I went and played my one song with Simple in Theory (ha–i remember the name!), and it was cool, except I seem to randomly forget where certain notes on the cello are. But it’s bound to turn out well. Sigh. And then I started thinking about things I need to get done really really soon, which made me so so sad. Starting next week, I’m predicting some pretty intense insanity. Here’s what starts a week from tomorrow:

Thursday – Madrigal rehearsal after school, and CIYS concert

Friday – nothing really, but some serious practicing

Saturday – IMEA district, pretty much all day

Sunday (my personal favorite) – CIYS concert in Peoria @ 2pm, theeeen, CYSO concert in Chicago @ 7pm.

Hmm. I’m so seriously concerned about this! It’s just my guess that the first concert will be out at approximately 4-4:30. So yeah, I’m so incredibly worried I won’t make it for the CYSO concert. Which would be my very tragic end as a member of that group. Sigh. Just for the record, I’m not posting that so I can show the rest of the world how busy I am. I’m posting that so I can remind myself what and where and…how. Ugh. I think I can actually feel my brain melting into slush.


Madrigal festival. Whoohoo. The new Performaning Arts center is alright. Not the best decor or acoustics, but I guess that’s what happens when the government sucks all your funding right out from under you. Or you overshoot your limits. I think both of those may be applicable in this case. Anyway, I really have to compliment the Court Singers. They have such a genuine and pure tone, something that the madrigals don’t even seem to have this year. They worked really well with the clinicians. The madrigals did alright, and I should feel really good about our group after hearing some not so successfull other groups. I just wish there weren’t this “let’s sing eachother out” thing going on so much of the time. Okay, that’s not the only thing I wish for, but that’s something I’m especially noticing, especially now that Mrs. Corpus has mentioned it several times. I’m guilty of it too, I’m sure, and having somebody tell us this is probably making us realize it’s true, and hopefully work to change it.

So right, after the madrigals performed (9:30), we were supposed to listen to other groups until noon or so. So, I noticed that some madrigals left the auditorium. And others sat down behind the court singers, such as myself. And all was well for a half-hour, when the small chatter of the group turned into some behaviour that really caught my attention as being inattentive and rude. Not just talking, but note-passing, poking, the kind of thing that shows not only a lack of interest in the performances, but a general amount of disrespect toward the performing madrigal groups, the clinicians, and other poeple around who may have wanted to actually want to hear how constructive critisizm can help a performance. And true, it was hard to hear anything the clinician was saying in the hall, but is that really an excuse for acting in such a manner? You could still hear the group and clinician sing, right? Had I been sitting in front of them, not behind them, I may not have cared so much, simply because all of this would have been out of my line of vision. Honestly, this is more than just about sitting and doing what you’re told by your teacher, when the teacher isn’t in the same room. It’s about respect! As a performer, I expect that even if people don’t take interest in what I’m doing, that they’ll at least sit and bear it, or at very very most (and not without a little irritation on my part if noticed), do something quiet and concealed, or quietly whisper your comments to your neighbor, or hell, even carry on a freaking conversation so long as it’s at a whisper (though if you sit near me at a concert, it’s probably to your advantage not to do that). So I give to others what I expect given to me. Meaning I would have thought other performers from my school might have done the same. The lack of focus was remarkable, and it actually reflects to me how unfocused our madrigal group is this year in rehearsals. I wish Mrs. Corpus could be more firm, because I’m starting to see that this may be a problem. Then again, what do I know? When somebody turned around and asked me why I looked so pissed, I couldn’t even manage to get the words out quite right. I’m proud (and also a little bit disappointed) of myself for not having started tapping people on their shoulders and giving them glares, like my father might, or even plain-out telling them they ought to shut up, and in many more words than that. I started myself on a guilt trip while I was walking home from ISU, that I was being too serious about the matter, but then I figured, I only really let my rage leak out onto one person, instead of many, and hell that wasn’t even real rage! It was easy enough to say that I was flivid about it, though.

It’s hard for me to explain why it bothers me so much. I’ve been thinking about this sort of thing a lot more, recently. I think that Turtle Island Concert at BoA may have really done it to me. Nonetheless, I wanted to actually hear what was going on. So I went over to the other room, Kemp, and saw Jim Major coaching some pretty good groups, and got to observe some really constructive teaching. I was the only person from U-high in Kemp recital hall, if I may note. Sigh. Really, I don’t mean to get worked up about things like this. But, if everybody I played for behaved like that, I wouldn’t want to play the cello at all, to be honest.

After mad fest, I went to Japanese, and then walked home in my unfortunate shoes that caused me a bruised foot during Footloose, when I fell in Stroud. And for some reason, I can’t seem to get my contact lenses in. So I gave up on that. And now I’m waiting for some sort of call about a rehearsal. I feel bad for not calling them myself, but I currently am in a crappy mood and don’t have a car, in addition to a phobia of telephones. So I feel crappy and could use some friendship or chocolate or sleep or something. Muh.

Somebody talked to me! They actually talked to me! At CYSO! It made me feel like a person again! I was actually told that I should have been in the group last year, because the people were better, in addition to getting a “hi” from Jeff Holbrook! I feel like I have some actual worth as a person now. Fwee!

Ahaha, and Serge quoted me on his AIM info! I had been trying to type in all caps (without caps lock) “AAH! SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!”, but as is natural, I failed miserably and it came out as “AAH! SOYLENT GREEN IS PO”, which led to some amusement. I’ve decided I don’t need a life, anyway…

Ho hum, I got contact lenses today, and a new perscription for my glasses today. I’m very excited. This means I may actually be able to see things in the roads at night! My vision isn’t all that bad, but it has gotten worse in the past two years. Enough that my night-vision is less than desirable, which I have found out through many trips to Morton, by now. As for contacts, that’ll be nice for concerts and junk, mainly because I won’t have bother with pushing my glasses up my nose everytime I’m stopped. Seeing the conductor out of the corner of my eye with thick-rims is a bit of a pain, too. And also, for the madrigal dinners. Last year sucked, because I was mirroring on the end, but I really couldn’t see things (we really aren’t supposed to wear glasses, for appearance sake). Madrigal dinners were my original reason for thinking of contacts. But hoo, putting them in really sucked. It must have taken me twenty or so minutes the first time. I appreciated the patience of the assistant who was helping me, too. Although I’m sure he sits through a lot of those. But right in the middle of my trying to put the second one in, these people waiting for their exams come and sit outside the door (which is open) and are like “ooh, contacts,” and are watching me continuously poke myself in the eye. Hoodle-e-hoo.

My new and interesting experience for the week was accompanying the band formerly known as Outlier (they changed their name _again_ and I can’t remember what it is now…), on the cello. It was awesome! I wasn’t too surprised at myself with making up notes after hearing the chord changes only once, until I realized that what I had been doing is legitimately called improvisation, and is, in my mind, associated with jazz. And…I fear jazz improvisation. But that’s beside the point…I thoroughly enjoyed playing with them, and hope to do so as much as possible. I’d really love to get a pickup…and then get the Yamaha-150 weird effects-pedal and do crazy things to my sound, like Cathy Morris does! AAH! She’d be so proud!

From what I could understand at Shiina Ringo’s official website (…very little, really…), Ringo will have a new single and album out in January! Do you realize how not far from now January is?! Ah, the excitement. I hope she uses some of the demo/live stuff I’ve been hoarding bootleg versions of for a while now. And…speaking of hoarding things, I cannot find my Mayonaka wa Junketsu single anywhere! I’ve dug up my room and not seen it yet. That’s what happens when you’re…me….hmm.

I’ve always noticed and thought that on days when everything goes wrong at home, school can be my window for relief. But I had never really noted the opposite to be true, before. Today sucked. And then I came home, and my family made it better. This surprised me a bit.

Pardon my unnecessary rant, but: GRAH! Why? Why do I exert so much of my time and energy into so many activities when the people involved don’t care?! As for those “people involved”, I’m horribly hacked off with madrigals right now. We have a clinic on Monday, and we were told quite clearly that the three songs were supposed to be memorized by today! And if it wasn’t the lack of memorization that was the problem, it was the lack of focus during rehearsals. I am almost embarassed about the way we sang. I know we can do better than that. This goes beyond the fact that the group isn’t quite as advanced as previous years. That has the least to do with it. We have potential to be very very good! But it’s impossible to get the most out of our abilities when people can’t see that they have more to do than sit in rehearsals and giggle with the people next to them through half the time. I’m also frustrated at the whole practice space/room 101 thing again. But that’s not something that needs a talking to death, anymore.

It’s just…occasionally, I realize how much I’m doing, and I have to ask myself, is it really worth it? I mean, right now, I’m juggling CIYS, CYSO, jazz band, madrgals, and an occasional (and much needed) private lesson and I’m really starting to feel it dragging at me. So I like to stop and ask myself if it’s really worth it. And today, the answer was “no”. People, work with me, PRACTICE YOUR MUSIC and DO WHAT CORPUS TELLS YOU!

On the bright side of life, Cornelius rocks, CIYS is kind of fun, and HORAAY FOR A DEMOCRATIC GOVORNER!

I’ve been having trouble blogging lately, which explains the general lack of updates. I don’t know what it is. It has something to do with the blogger typing window. I type better entries when they’re done in Simpletext, stupid as that may sound.

God…I just don’t feel like blogging. I’m sorry, to those poor souls who actually expect daily updates *runs away*

I don’t know why…but I’ve been looking for HanaKimi fanfic like crazy in the last couple days. I don’t know what’s posessed me to do it. Especially considering that most of what I’ve found has been really bad.e a couple really good ones, but of the maybe six that exist, about three of them are worth reading. Part of it has to do with the fact that the series has not yet ended. I don’t really enjoy people trying to end the story on their own account, just because it’s either taunting or bothersome to me. With a series like Ranma 1/2, the possibilities are endless, because not only did the story end, giving writers a chance to do continuations like mad, but the ending was so incredibly ambiguous that the anything really could happen, and still be feasible to the storyline. Especially considering that the story itself was pretty random. Though really, I don’t mind that people do their own interpretation of how HanaKimi will end, as long as it is well written! GAAH! That’s all on that matter, for right now.

Though on a slightly related subject, I found out through some very random search-work that Nakajo Hisaya (Hanakimi artist) has not only done Hikaru no Go doujinshi, but also Inuyasha doujinshi!! And of course, I adore Takahashi sensei’s art. But there’s something really cool about seeing my favorite characters under the style of Nakajo! Take this excellent picture of Sesshoumaru, for example. The fact that Sesshoumaru can retain his long hair and pretty eyes and yet look relatively masculine is a new experience for me. Plus the fact that it’s just plain pretty ;_; Seriously, I love Nakajo’s art so much! Sigh.

I went to Borders tonight, so I could spend my almost two-year old gift card. And I bought Cornelius’s latest album, to go along with his much famed “Phantasma” from two years ago. Honestly, I came very close to getting REM’s single collection, which is actually a collection of the older, more satisfying songs, plus a version of “White Tornado” done “with friends”? I was perplexed by that, but thought it would be more to my interest if I went with Cornelius. I love his music so much. And I know I obsess over artists a lot, and that my obsessions run around me in circles, but dammit! His music is different! Also, “Drop” is on this album, and it’s only one of my alltime favorite songs. Sigh.