Creative Writing yesterday was actually somewhat enjoyable. We sat around and told ghost stories/experiences and urban legends all hour. I don’t know why, but I absolutely love ghost stories, especially when it’s an experience of somebody I know. It’s probably all in my head, but I’m really consciously starting to wonder if my house has a ghost in it. Though, I’m not even sure I believe in ghosts. I need solid proof that they haunt in the manner people say they do, first, or an encounter of my own. But I’ve noticed a few weird things in my house through the years, that haven’t really frightened me or even made me suspicous until I put them all together. These are the reasons that I would like to believe my house is haunted:

1) First of all, if anybody knows the name Steven Ambros, his aunt lived in our house until her death, shortly before we moved here (Steven Ambros wrote a book about the Lewis and Clark expedition, and apparently, the original journals rested in this house for a number of years). Her cane is still in our basement, untouched, for whatever reason. I don’t remember her first name.

2) As I may have mentioned months before, the name “Mildred” is thinly etched in the hallway of the upstairs, pretty visible. When I was washing the walls back in August, I found two more of those small etches in the walls, in places a little bit more difficult to see. My mother was like…really excited to know I found two more, but I was sort of freaked out by that. Probably just because they look sort of creepy.

3) As for direct strange occurances, there have been a few. Occasional things, the shades in my room flip up every now and then, but I’ve attributed that to fact that the shades are pretty old, and the springs were probably shot, or something. There have also been a few unexplainable door slammings in the dead of winter, that sort of thing. I’d really love to add the fact that I seem to lose everything, but I know that’s just me. Here’s my recent questionable experience. I woke up at maybe 8:00am on a Saturday morning in April of last year to hear the utter wailing of a woman, muffled. It sounded almost like it was coming from a vent that led to my room, but the thing is, there aren’t any vents in my room. It was odd, because it sounded like it was coming from directly below my room, but my parents room is on the other side of the house. Also, five minutes or so after it stopped, I checked and both of my parents had left for ISU waay before then. The only reasonable explanation I could come up with is that some very depressed person was walking by our house, and decided they needed to sit on our front porch and weep for a while. I don’t know. My house doesn’t really feel weird to me, though. There have been a couple times I’ve scared the crap out of myself for one reason or another, or I’ve been weirded out in the middle of the night, just because something felt off. But that happens to everyone occasionally, riiiight?

Anyway, that was my paranormal spiel ^_^ Everybody have a fun Halloween, come see Footloose Thursday through Satuday, and don’t play with Ouija boards!!!

Okay, I’m like…super pissed off right now. Just because it’s tech week and between Thetard and Johnson, there was much squirming. But apparently I’m doing so many things wrong I’m not aware of them, or something? Okay, no I’m exaggerating, of course. But there are just, random little things I’ll get yelled at for that I’m not really responsible for in the first place. Anyway, that’s all I have to say for now. And I feel better already.

And I feel good because I got a letter from the cello teacher at U of Iowa, saying how he was very pleased that I worked with him, and how he hopes I attend the school in the fall. And that makes me feel loved. And lazy/content enough to not fill out any other applications right now ^_^ But I know that I’ll end up doing about five others, whoopdie do. So there we go. Third blog entry of the day *pats self on back*

Sigh of relief here. There’s nothing better than the feeling after finishing a sociology essay about Pleasantville, one of my much-hearted movies. So now I have ten minutes to kill, and a computer with a connection. Hooray!

I started reading Howl’s Moving Castle last night, which I’m now totally hooked on! It’s such a sporadic story so far, but not only is it well written, it has some substance to it. Apparently, it’s going to be the next Miyazaki movie, too, which floats my boat entirely! Having heard this piece of information before starting the book, I’ve been sporadically thinking exactly how it would be as a Ghibli movie. Heehee, sooo nice. But a general shame for those who have problems with stories not being original, as Jamie mentioned *glares at the people who don’t like the fact that not all Disney stories are totally original* Anyway. That makes me happy. ANd now I have to go.

listening to: yann tiersen – comptine d’un autre ete

Man, I totally effing forgot about daylight savings time this morning. So I set my alarm for nine (actually eight, at the time), and it went off, and I promptly turned it off, told myself to get up, but fell back asleep. Only to have one of the freaking weirdest dreams ever! It was like the Uhigh jazz choir concert. But…it wasn’t at Uhigh. Apparently, U high had moved over into NCHS’s building. And for some reason I cried over the matter. And changed clothes like three times because I wasn’t satisfied with how my blacks matched. And Jazzin’ in the Evenin’ sung like three songs, and sat down for a whole set of maybe ten by Jazzin’ in the Afternoon, which made me mad. And they wouldn’t even let me play the bass for more than about four measures of one song. Growl. Anyway, lately I’ve been reading/thinking over the stuff with the redistricting of Unit 5, so I’m guessing that’s what brought this dream on. But by the time woke up, it was actually nine. So I got up and leveled up my Secret of Mana part for a while (because Elinee’s spiky tiger totally whooped my ass last time I tried to face it).

Sigh. And now I have to get ready to leave for Youth Symphony. My dad is driving again, which doesn’t leave me too happy. It’s not that I don’t enjoy 4 hours of straightclassical music, on no. It’s just that, especially when I’m in a car for long periods of time, it makes me tired/bored to not have a certain amount of variety. And I don’t like to try and listen to anything else with my discman while anything else is playing, just because it’s difficult and not all that respectful towards my Pa, in my opinion. Blah, but don’t listen to my whining over one of the most trivial things, ever! *runs away*

listening to: bjork – play dead

I’m home. And…the college visit was…indescribebly to my liking! First of all, I was under the impression that Iowa would be equally flat with Illinois. However, once you pass Davenport, things start happening and you subtley notice that you’re seeing things that vaguely resemble hills around you. Although, it was hard to tell all this at night. My dad and I began driving from Morton, after my Youth Symphony rehearsal last night. And it took a little over two hours from there. So we got to our hotel around 11:30, and though I thought I slept relatively well, I must have actually gotten a very poor night of sleep, because I was totally drained by about 1:00 pm today. But yeah, this morning around 8ish, we get back on the interstate and make our way to city, and have breakfast there. As for the city itself, I’m not sure how large it actually is, but the downtown area is really nice. It runs right into the campus, really. It’s like the perfect combination of old and historic, blended with places to go and things to do. As my dad put it, it’s like the town of Oberlin, magnified 20x. And if there aren’t large old trees, there are newly planted ones, everywhere. The campus itself is an excellent combination of old historic buildings and newer, more interesting looking ones that are very tastefully built. And the Iowa river runs directly through the campus, the fine arts buildings and dorms on the far side, which is convenient. The art, theatre, and music buildings are all next to eachother, spaced widely. I liked the campus very much. And…I’m not saying that other residents aren’t courtious but…everyone was so helpful and pleasant to us! My dad and I were crossing the river on one of the bridges, and we saw two men in overalls working on some wooden structure on the bank, and it looked really interesting so we stopped and observed for a few seconds. One of the workers noticed and yelled up “Look like fun? You should join the rowing team!!” with a laugh. And he explained that there was a rowing tournament the next day, and I was like “Rowing team?! I’ll join!!”. I mean, yes, I was happy to find out there was a rowing team, but it was nice that he was so entertained by our being interested, considering how when I was twelve and walking past somebody painting a building in downtown Normal, the painter noticed me and was like “Whadda yoou lookin’ at?!” and I ran off.

Anyway, I had my lesson with the cello professor, who is a woonderful teacher, in my opinion. He had such direction and focus in what he had to show me, but with all his calm, he still knows how to say it like it is. What I experienced in my lesson was all based around how to approach the notes with applied technicality, which was good for me since I think I base my cello-abilities more on musicality than technique in the first place. Proff Arnone’s wife/fiancee, who also plays the cello and works in the music dpt, listened to me, but she didn’t stay to teach or anything. But so, afterwards, he says “I’ll definitely accept you as a student here”, which I thought meant “come back and have a real audition, and all will be just fine”. However, my dad explained that what I had just played really had been my audition, and that all that was left was for the paperwork to go through, and for my name to be submitted to the scholarship program. So I was in a kind of “what the hell just happened?!” stupor for a while, because I hadn’t imagined that to be my audition! I hadn’t even played that well! But…whatever. So after that, we went to the cello studio class, which was great! The whole cello studio gathers in a room, listens to three or so people play in an hour, and gets to comment and discuss things. Not only is it good for the people who are playing, so they can experience playing their pieces for people, but it’s an excellent way for the listeners to understand and work with constructive criticism.

We also stopped into Hancher auditorium, the main concert hall. And my dad, being the un-phasable person he is, walked right into their office, and started talking to the assistant manager. And then he gave us this personal backstage tour of the auditorium (which is awesome, btw!), while people were working to set something up. And, as it turned out, they were setting up for the Saturday performance being given by (!!) Kronos String Quartet! Apparently, they give a concert there at least once every year! And…I love them, so much! I mean, I obsess over Kronos! And we missed them by a day ;_; But apparently they’re commissioning the new Terry Riley piece that’s based on noises recorded from outerspace…and there’s going to be a cool visual effect presentation going along with it, done by one of the physics teachers. Sigh. The manager who led us around was awesome! He really knew what he was doing, and had sense for it, too! And he says he’s going to look out for me if I go there, and get me an ushering job, which would be like…all the free performances I would ever want! *sniff* And speaking of performances, whoa! They have such an incredibly lineup of stuff going through the area! Apparently, in November/December, O.A.R. and Dar Williams (plus others) are going to be there (that’s for you, Renata!).

So…I feel kind of insecure at the thought that I’ll go there. For a number of reasons, such as: 1) I haven’t seen enough of other schools yet 2) I haven’t gotten to interact with the students there, which is actually important to me and 3) I’m perhaps insecure about leaving for college in general. But I really can’t think of any better place where I could do music and foreign language, and not destroy all hope of my parents ever repaying schooling debts. So it’s too early to tell, but we’ll see. At least I know I have options, now.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Cathy from CYSO called me (well, actually I was gone), to say that I’ve been switched chamber groups! I’m playing the Brahms clarinet quintet and that is GOOOOOD! Phil’s in that group! I no longer have to stress over playing a bassoon part with non-strings.

And…my parents are awfully pissy right now. Excuse me while I go try to set them straight *approaches with frying pan*

listening to: vaughan williams – phantasy quintet

I spent a majority of today making startling vocals, and whining at people. Oh, oh oh! And we’re watching Pleasantville in Sociology, and I love that movie incredibly! It’s just a shame I’m going to miss the very end (though it’s true I have seen it before…eh). Aahahah. And after madrigals, I impressed Mrs. Corpus with my keen ability to immitate a loon (bird). I think I’m losing my touch, though. It took me at least three tries to properly get it out. I think I was really just out of practice. Perhaps I should make more time to be one with the loon…or…something.

And…now need to go and do loads of crap before I steadily progress my way Westward.

Ow, I hurt! My back is killing me right now! I think I’ve spent too much of my waking moments sitting up, or something. I can feel the exact spot in the middle of my back where it hurts, where the muscle is so very very tense. And I can’t stand being touched long enough for a massage, which is unfortunate. As I may occasionally mention, I really really really don’t like being touched. Shoulder touching is the worst. Some days in Creative Writing, Clesson will come up behind me rest her hands on my shoulders while she reads my work. And I almost can’t prevent myself from removing her hands myself. Though for some reason, I can’t work up the courage to even politely ask her to remove her hands. And yeah, hugs aren’t so bad, but there are some people who just…can’t even put their hands near me. And though non-touch is my preference, it’s unfortunate, because not only am I missing out on back rubs, but I’m relatively insecure about the entire matter. Anyway, what to do about my aching back?! Sitting through even 45 minutes of a rehearsal hurts like hell. Maybe I need some good old Alexander technique or something.

I read the new InuYasha chapter this afternoon when I got home from stuff, and *gaaasp* KYAAA! Kagome says–well, she says good stuff! And then Inuyasha saves her from becoming a Naraku spawn! Or, at least, so I think! But, yeah!

Reading other people’s blogs occasionally depresses me. One reason: how much time I spend blogging and how dependent I feel on it. The fact that I blog a good entry every day says something. That almost every detail of every day goes into that entry. The fact that I’ve put all my big whines in it, especially recently. Another reason: The realization that other people have lives, and I don’t. Oops. And it’s not all because I spend time practicing the cello, or over-involve myself in music. Other people actually go places, and do things, and get things done with other people. The only people I see outside of school are the ones who I don’t go to school with, anyway. But that’s probably my fault, too. I’ll bet people have given up on trying to pull me out of my house to do things (except for Renata. She seems to be very good about trying to get me to do things ^_^), either because I’ve turned people down one too many time, or they simply assume I’m busy (actually, I’m secretly convinced that it’s because nobody cares, everybody has their own friends so why bother with me?). Ah but…excuse my being stupid. I realize that of course, since everybody else has their own lives, they don’t always have time to plan things and think of specific people all the time. If I had a life, maybe I’d know and feel that better. And then of course, when I am invited to do something, I always have to back out for one stupid reason or another. Example, I was thinking of going and making music with people after rehearsals were over, but had one serious crapload of stuff to get done. Sigh. It’s also possible I’m only realizing and thinking of things like this since joining CYSO, a group of over a hundred people, of which maybe three will make any sort of conversation with me. Or maybe I’m just being my normally paranoid self. Maybe if I were confident that other people actually wished for my company, I would be a lot less timid about inquiring over happenings, or even inviting other poeple to do things with me *gasp*

Yeah. So, as was anticipated, my blog is turning into one continuous whine. However, at least I can be open about things like this, when they bother me. I’d rather write a specifically whiney rant, as opposed to a clumsy and suggestive one, anyway.

Muh. I just can’t bring myself to delete this entry. But it’s so baaaad! *sob*

Eeheehee! I had a most exceptional cello lesson after school today, contrary to how I might have guessed it would be! I played the two selections I thought would be best for my lesson at U of I(owa) on Friday, (prelude to 2nd Bach suite, 4th mvmt Shostakovich sonata) and got some really constructive advice out of it. So I really shouldn’t be blogging right now, I should be practicing. I’m actually a little erm confused about what this “meeting” on Friday is, exactly. At first I was under the impression of “lesson”. But apparently the other cello teacher is going to be there, too, not to mention a nonchallant word such as “audition” in the last email my father received. So I’m a bit concerned, but as long as I convince myself it’s not an audition (even if it turns out that’s what it was supposed to be), I’ll play fine.

Right after the cello lesson, my parents and I went out for food, and then to the new Borders. And…AAAGH! Borders! I didn’t really get the chance to check out what books they had, because I was too busy “ooh”ing and “aah”ing at the classical music selection. Given, it’s no Tower Records, but I can’t think of any better place around here to find that kind of selection, anyway. But yeah, I ended up getting a great recording of the Saint-Seans cello concerto (the one I’m playing), performed by none other than (dun dun dun) Jacqueline DuPre. So I was quite happy. I also got a Cornelius CD I’ve been longing for since who knows when, “Fantasma”. And then I got ahold of a crap-load of Vaughan Williams. And…well…be prepared because I feel a Vaughan Williams ramble coming on. He’s a British composer, and there’s this quality to his work that I obsess over, and I haven’t figured out what it is, exactly. I think it’s mostly have to do with the folkish themes in his music. Also the chord with their sequences. But enough about that. Blah. So, I got this 2-disc collection of a bunch of random orchestral works. Like the Lark Ascending, Fantasia on a theme “Greensleeves”, a lot of other good stuff. And, the Lark Ascending is a nostalgic favorite of mine, so I was very excited to get a different version of it. Although, I still haven’t found anybody who can play it better than Zina Schiff. This recording was alright, though. And something I didn’t know: Vaughan Williams wrote a ballet based on “Old King Cole”. It’s cool! You only hear the main theme twice in the whole thing, but it doesn’t matter because the rest is cool. Annnd, I also found the first two string quartets, which I deeply appreciate. But enough about me appreciating music, really.

It is my suggestion that you stop reading this entry maybe…two paragraphs ago.

listening to: rem – green grow the rushes

What a satisfying Monday it’s been. I’m starting to actually feel that my freaking out a couple days ago was a good thing. You know. Always need a good freak-out once in a while, to put things back in order. I think that’s the way I work. I deal with stress, and junk, and it all builds up. And then something idiotic happens, I cry it out, and I feel one hell of a lot better once it’s all finished. So hopefully this really really good mood will last for the rest of my life and I’ll never have to freak out again, WAHAHA (fat chance, but yeah).

I have no idea why, but I read the last three volumes of KareKano. And … AH the general confusion! What the hell is going on?! Well, I have a vague idea, but it’s not enough! It’s…back to the thing with Arima’s slutty mother! It’s seriously like she has strong (and not just motherly) feelings towards him. But…she’s his mom!! And the end of volume fourteen is this crappy cliff-hanger. So now I have to wait several months to find out what the hell is going on! Really, I won’t buy a LaLa just for KareKano. At least Hana to Yume has numerous random stuff I like! Hmm. I actually really wanna know what the heck is going on in Koucha Ouji. I’ve only read one chapter since the one where Taiko admits…certain things. And there was pretty much no appearance by Assam in that other chapter. So yeah *flail* But…I don’t know when I’ll ever get to go to MItsuwa again. Aaactually, possibly after my seating audition in January. Okay, so I know that’s like…way off, but that’s the only excuse I’ll have to go to Mitsuwa, if it’s anything like the last seating audition!

And…you know something I just realized? I’m older than Abe! Albiet, it’s true maybe it’s only two months but…you’d think from the way people say I scare them, I wouldn’t feel twelve compared to him. It’s funny, I actually had a dream that he and I were arguing over cello-cases, he was critisizing me of “holding on to my childhood” by keeping my green Bam case. And I was like “what the hell are you talking about, leave my case alone, muh!”. But what’s funny about this is that I’ve never even uttered a word to him before in real life. And it’s not like he’s ever attempted to stir conversation with me, or anything, though it doesn’t hurt my feelings because I’m used to that from just about everybody now. He’s looked at me good and hard once or twice, though. It’s hard keeping from occasionally blogging or rambling on about him because he’s so friggin good. Though I don’t know whether or not I find him agreeable. So yeah. I still feel like such an outsider in that orchestra. Like, just sitting around before rehearsal yesterday, people are complaining a lot about IMEA seating. Saying how the “cornfield district” shouldn’t be allowed to proceed to state, and I was like “Heeey, I’m from that cornfield district, dagnabit! Champaign through Bloomington-Normal!”, and they’re like “and you’re from where?”, at which point I stopped talking and ceased to even listen to their conversation. Fuuuh.

It’s referral time!!

+ kagome saw inuyasha kiss kikyou and ran off

I’m sorry but…that never happened (hell, no it didn’t!)…

+ kouga and kagome love fanfiction

Who are you and why are you searching for this?!

+ naked kyouko fukada

Between Matsushima Nanako and Fukada Kyouko search referrals, my site is whipped with the word “naked” =_=#

+ redhead with nice ass in Oberlin

Excuse me but >____<;;
+ disney buddy icon emporer

I don’t know what it is, but it sounds cool!

Oh, if you want to read some really really stupid threaded discussions, go to moonfeathers.com, to the Disney/Anime thread. It’s soo ridiculous. Jamie, how do you put up with it?!

listening to: jill sobule – joey (live/acoustic)

Hmm. I’ve thought a little bit, about how much I rethink and edit a lot of the stuff I put on my blog and…well, why the hell should I?! It’s my blog, after all! Meaning the things I insert are my own, personal opinions, and I shouldn’t even care if people are somehow offended by my sometimes ram! I mean, how offending am I, in the first place?! *flail* I should really just start writing what I want to write, without really considering how other people will react to it! That’s all I ever do, analyze and predict. So tedious. So tiring. *raises fist* I won’t be timid any longer (or at least…I’ll make an effort to be less so).

So I’ll start off by saying this: GRRR! I found out the results for the IMEA District Orchestra. And I got second chair. So as is natural, I may have been a little frustrated, but this is just what I talked about before, anyway, so it didn’t bother me too much. Also, my audition wasn’t too remarkable. And this guy’s name is Griffin. And on a name-only basis, that’s awesome! So my initial reaction was “eh”. I also got some friendly support on the matter from my favorite TJ. But then during orchestra when we were all looking at the list, Kayla saw that some girl she knew from Bloomington who she was in no way friends with, had not only beaten her, but was sitting at the same stand. And she was really upset over the matter. So that sort of brought everyone down a little. But then Jenny asked me how I wasn’t mad, because after all, this would be my fourth year sitting the exact same chair I’ve sat before, and as a senior, at that. She told me she’d be upset in my situation. So then I actually thought about it, and I did get mad. It’s all that other stuff, plus the fact that I’m really deep down sick of being second-rate. For one reason or another, that always seems to happen to me. In CYSO, it’s that I’m a first-year senior. The seating is like so: the first three stands of cellos are all returning members. The last three are the new ones. And if you think about how they explained that the seating is contrasting, democratic, that the real intentions are to mix players of different styles so they can learn how to blend, it doesn’t make any sense! All the people who’ve played together before are sitting together, and all the ones who aren’t so confident are in the back, as though they’ve never played in orchestras before! It’s the same in other string sections, too. But they still claim it’s democratic? It’s ridiculous! And it’s unfair because I (and others, too) work really hard at what I’m doing, and people upfront are using different parts and missing entrances left and right from carelessness. So I’m second-rate right there, thanks to the seating of returning members, alone. It’s no help that I’m busy with so much crap, either! I’ve been losing my motivation to work on everything because I’m practically burnt out. Having at least a third the number of cello lessons I should be having isn’t a great help, either. I tell you, as soon as I have the opportunity, I’m taking three days off. No cello. Three days. That was my opinion on certain matters, uncensored. So there. Are you pissed yet?

On happier notes, the heat on my house is on, I love Koucha Ouji, and Daniel Barenboim is playing a piano concerto while conducting the New York Philharmonic, and though it’s not utterly new and amazing, it’s pretty damn cool. Yep yep. And I just genuinely feeling better than I was last week and earlier this week. I’ve been talking stuff over with friends, and writing them out in my private book, and although the little irritating things sometimes overcome me, the big stupid ones are sort of being smacked down in their place. Maybe the serious Koucha Ouji binge I went on last night had something to do with it. Assam, kyaa! And Justin’s talking to me, and I might randomly go see him when I’m in Iowa! And I miss him sooooo much. I only really realized that I lost two really important friends to college last week. But yay, after all! *jumps around and throws paper cranes into air*

I just wrote the most incredible BS paper in sociology for “Life in a Maximum Security Prison”. And now that I’m done, I’m going to randomly blog. Yeah, so I was talking to Ms. Johnson yesterday at random, and apparently, she’s a Mac obsessee, also. She got one of the new flat-screen iMacs withi OSX, and I’m jealous. But also appreciative that I’m not the only one around. But yeah, apparently she found the Sims for Mac for pretty cheap, somewhere. She can’t get over the fact that it’s so amusing, so she spends a majority of her extra time playing the Sims. That’s probably not a piece of information she wants her regular students to know about, heeheehee. This was all taking place while I was trying to convince her to log into Ms. Ehrlich’s email account to see if Orchestra IMEA results were posted (I really wanted to know. But as I found out later, Monhardt was a tool and decided that sending the results via email was “inappropriate. GAAH!). See? I don’t need real friends, apparently. Because I have my music department teachers ^^ haha. Kidding.

listening to: luscious jackson – deep shag

I was reading over my old live-journal entries, and I found this one comment made by Justin Irvin (I think, signed as one really long play on his trade name)!! And that excited me to no ends, because I was under the impression that few people ever ever read my live journal back then. But yeah, he commented on my post about how if there were two of me, I’d kill the other though it would be impossible. And yeah. Justin, come back! School is boring and I miss you! And read my blog and leave long comments about hitting pillows with your fists! And yeah, I was considering leaving a link to my old live-journal, but it’s actually pretty embarassing, and I concluded that I’d rather not. I think it was like my coming free from book-writing, which was at the time not all so light-hearted as my current blogging state. And plus I’d always insert lines from REM songs at the very end of posts, and they made me sound rather depressed and…not me. So yeah. I’m not sure if I’m ready to share that with the world.

And I walk away from the computer for five minutes to be totally bitched out by my ma. I love you, ma. When you don’t walk in the door, ask me the most incredibly condescending questions, and subtly subtly hint that I didn’t clean my room quite to your liking. I’ve stopped going along with it, and I now tell her to stop acting and tell me what I should do. Because she’s really good at making a point that something is wrong, but being extremely vague on the actual subject and avoiding…it. That was my two cents on moms. It’s what happens when they randomly yell at me. Or…mine, anyway. It’s some comfort that I’m wearing my Yuka shoes *adores her Yuka shoes*

And, so, for people who don’t know the story on Jill Sobule’s iBook, go here! We love our Jill!

The verdict on the audition is in: crunchy! My audition was crunchy! There’s no other way I can describe my sound. I don’t know what it is, but I go into that classroom, with two judges I sort of know, and I can’t get my bow to rest quite right on the string, and can’t really produce a very smooth or resonant sound. Oh well. It’s a big comfort that my nerves didn’t do any worse to me than that, though. So my sound wasn’t great. It was good. I nailed my scales, though. Aaand, the crazy pizzicato excerpt. Maybe I’ll get another ego-bust this year, and somebody will beat me. Who cares? Certainly not me, whehee! *throws bow onto ground and jumps on*

I saw a lot of random people I know. Like Ryan W. I didn’t even recognize him at first, honestly. And Geoff and Kathy and Evan and lots of other people I recognized from either Unit 5 or previous years of IMEA. And Jake from BoA was there, but he like…didn’t talk to me, grr. Oh well. I don’t need his absurdly advanced bass playing skills anyway (in reality, I was too shy to simply skip up and talk to him like I was doing everybody else I knew). And, yeah, I’m really glad I opted not to try out for jazz district on bass. There were like…a lot of other basses there who intimidated me with their fretted, cool-looking basses. I would have embarassed myself with the improv parts, anyway. And maybe ten minutes before our auditions, Phil and I random broke out into the Planets in the warm-up room, me kneeling because there were no chairs. I wish I could have gotten a picture. Heehee.

And then I came home and spent an hour doing Japanese assignements. Both of which were difficult and keigo inclusive. Keigo is…confusing. To me, anyway, when you consider everything like figuring out how you rank compared to other people and then knowing which words to add it to and…how to conjugate verbs. I decided to procrastinate incredibly, and have yet to even start my composition. Those aren’t too terribly difficult to do in a short amount of time, though, especially having a J-E Dictionary handy, as opposed to the last couple times I’ve done one.

listening to: amelie – comptine d’un autre ete

From the half-hour I spent in my practice room, I have come to this conclusion:

1) Saint-Saens concerto is coming along rather well, and there are random pages of it where I get really excited and play in my most rowdy manner. I’m getting excited about the competition junk coming up, even if I despise auditions and don’t care enough about winning to practice more than I’ll have to in order it make it the most excellent it could be. Oh well.

2) I’m a little bit screwed in terms of my IMEA audition tomorrow. I just don’t play some of the harder parts clean enough. But it’s my own damn fault, because I waited long enough to look at the music, and I’m too lazy to even try to practice more tonight. Eh, I don’t care about it all that much, either. I’ve been disappointed enough times by my seat that this year shouldn’t matter. As long as I end up going to All-state, I’ll be satisfied. Baah.

3) My cello is sounding one hell of a lot more kick-ass since I got the soundpost readjusted. It also may have to do with the new strings and rosin, too. Yeah, either kind of Pirastro cello rosin is just…really good. It’s very very capable of catching, but it’s nowhere near as dark or gritty as the Hill junk I originally bought at the Music Shoppe. Oh, thank you gods, I can hear myself in rehearsals again.

And…oh! I started reading Hikaru no Go today on the way to CYSO and…*gasp* it’s excellent! And I actually read it, not just skim through! I’m so happy I finally found number one. Then again, I also made the most of the Rurouni Kenshin I bought. I think I’m really just on a shounen kick. It’s been a while since I’ve been so intoxicated by all the attacks and techniques and rivalry that so entertain me. My happy sigh goes here.

Soooo, anyone wanna come to a CYSO concert on the 24th of November? I really really need to sell tickets (it’s required, twelve is the minimum), and despite my constant whining about the orchestra, I really do enjoy the music and want people to know why I go crazy from lack of sleep some days (we’re talking crazy in a good way). Lesse…we’re playing Holst’s The Planets, which is like one of my alltime favorite pieces in existence. And then Rienzzi, Slalom by Carter Pann, which is a pretty whoop-ass piece, also. Yeah, Carter Pann was at our rehearsal today. He really liked the way we played it. I was pretty amused that one of the percussionists actually asked him if he had a “thunder sheet”. And somehow I’ve managed to lose three of the four rockstops I’ve owned. And now I’m down to the one that doesn’t work on any flooring. So I wonder what I’ll do tomorrow.

So I didn’t forget about IMEA per se…I simply…didn’t think about it until today. I’m actually pretty confident about my audition. The only thing I may need to review like…in the next twelve hours would be scales. So I think I’ll go do that now, and then work on my composition which I so thoroughly put off again. I wonder what other Japanese homework I’ve forgotten about this weekend.

listening to: the cranberries – zombie (acoustic)

I’m…really…confused! I had signed up to participate in chamber music sessions with CYSO. And, if I remember right, they had us filling out this sheet about how much time we would be willing to give, how serious we were and…I totally forgot to turn it in. So I’ve been wondering how they would group me. I finally got the music and info about our groups, today, and as it turns out, I’m in a Woodwind Quintet, playing the bassoon part and….wtf?! A woodwind quintet is composed of a flute, oboe, clarinet, french horn, and a bassoon. Not a cello. Why am I playing with a woodwind quintet? *whines* At least I know I won’t have any chords in my part, ha. And I guess I could ask for articulation pointers from my dad. I’m just so…weirded out by this. Is it normal to insert a cello where a bassoon isn’t available? Won’t the other winds spit out a false bassoon? Well, whatever it is, I’m quite interested to see what happens to me. And them. *shrug*

Just got back from Jess Klein and SONiA at the Bluemoon Coffeehouse. They were both quite good, yay acoustic folk! I don’t know. Nobody’s floated my boat quite like Jill yet, though. Her official site just put up a live version of Kathie Lee, and I was all over that. Now I just can’t wait ’till “Trains” comes up. But we’ll see.

Aaand, I played a gig in Peoria, today. It was…innteresting. I almost fell asleep during the pre-wedding pieces. That’s not too unusual. The cello parts in those books are sooo boring. But then we were playing Canon during the processional, and of course, like every two measures is an opportunity to stop. And I kept watching Beverly for some sort of signal, and she was always looking at me, so I continually thought we were about to stop, but then Jeff or Kyra would shake their heads “no”, and it went on like that for a while. And finally I figured out that Beverly had missed Canon when she was flipping through her music, so she had been making up a good portion of the 1st violin part, aahaha.

listening to: tori amos – happy phantom

I was in the beginning stages of cleaning my room, which requires the very tedious process of clearing out the very dusty area under my bed. And I found two of my old journals. And I couldn’t help but reading most of the entries from both of them, and almost laughing myself stupid. It’s kind of funny, though, I’d always wanted to be a writer, and you can see the almost direct transition from some very childish and illy thought wording, to my more current writing self. If some of it weren’t so idiotic, I’d tell everybody to feel free for a glimpse or two.

We went to Mitsuwa todayI met Jason, Kira, and Katherine. And Katherine should write memoirs someday, and I should read them, because her stories make me laugh. I appreciated meeting her. And Kira was cool, too. We were sitting outside the used bookstore, sort of upset that the cute store (IE, the Sanrio store away from japan) had disappeared. And then we noticed, a sign for the “West Chicago Go Club” on a door connected to a supplemental store. So Kira went in, and we all stayed outside and waited. And when she didn’t come out, we sent Jason in to get her. And when he didn’t come out, and we decided it was well past time to depart, we went in to see what the freakin hold up was. And there were both just sitting there, listening to this old Korean guy try to teach them. And I immediately wished I had gone in immediately, gyaah (for those of you who weren’t aware, last Friday I had a very Go-oriented outing)! And then we left. Yay for net friends! And IRL friends! There’s nobody else I’d rather be stuck in a car with for four hours than Jamie, Megan and Jason, damn you, traffic! I-55 was a total bitch to be on. I always forget that there are real traffic jams, going in and out of Chicago on such an innocent traffic day like Sunday. Although this Sunday won’t be so innocent, I think, what with the Chicago Marathon to keep us away from Lake Shore Drive. Hmm.

I fear I’m going to be up all night hoarding manga again, oh no!

listening to: jill sobule – billy’s thing

Guess who went psycho again at school? *points to self* Yeah. I pretty much set myself up for a bad day with that stupid “Stranger in the Photo” memoir project for Creative Writing. What seemed ridiculous was that Mrs. Clesson has been continuously saying through this entire unit that everything we needed was in the course shell of the IVHS site. So, naturally, what I didn’t pay enough attention to in class, I looked for guidance through IVHS. So I followed the instructions on the web, thinking “Yeah, I’m finally doing what’s right for this class”. But as it turned out, we weren’t supposed to pay any attention on the instructions on IVHS at all. Oops. That’s still no excuse for my missing one fairly vital item of the packet, but as for the other random screw-ups, in no way was I happy. I was also missing a peer editing thing I had no clue about until this morning. Justin had one, and needed someone to desperately fill it out (me). And I really, really do love Justin in all his awesomeness, and there’s very little I wouldn’t do for him as a friend, but this created a lot of inner tension on my part. I felt that the vital time I could be using to do something for my grade was going to his grade (this was during a group discussion, might I add, so it wasn’t like I had all hour to spend fixing things up), which is already much better than my own since he had an excuse for those idiotic web-postings. But I ended up doing it in the end, because…well, who cares about Creative Writing, anyway?

And theeen, unexplainably, I couldn’t find my pit orchestra music. Luckily, I knew this at the very beginning of the day, so by the time lunch rolled around and I hadn’t found it at school, I figured it must have been at home. The only problem was my getting home and finding it before rehearsal. So I fessed up almost immediately and told Ms. J, who reacted much more cooly than I would have expected (she must have been in a very good mood). She was like, “aw, man, losing stuff sucks. I have a book about losing stuff, do you want to borrow it? Maybe you’re really just going crazy? Anyway, run home quick after school and get it. You live close. You can have an excuse for today.” So I did, and I found it on top of the bookshelf in the livingroom, just barely within my reach. You see, sometimes, I leave things out in my house, like books or videotapes, and my dad “hides” them from me, to teach me a lesson about leaving them out in the open. Which is pretty ridiculous because he has the most obscenely obvious hiding places ever. Like, on the high shelf in the livingroom, where I found the music today (I found it within five minutes, to prove my point). He should like…hide them in drawers or under floorboards and then wait for poor-embarassed-about-having-lost-things-me to come crying to him, at whcih point he returns and gives me a lecture that will temporarily get me to put forth a greater effort to take care of the things I leave out. But that’s just what I’d do if I were in his shoes. I don’t expect him (or even want him, obviously) to do that. But anyway, I got back in time for my rehearsal, and Ms. J was in a relatively good mood, although she did finally find me out for the poor-rythmic joe I really am. But there was one distracted point in the rehearsal where she was making fun of someone by starting with numerous “Remember that one time?”s, and I totally confused her by suddenly ranting “Heey, remember that one time when there was this computer and it was actively replacing people’s bodies with robots and trying to take over the world?”. I thoroughly frightened the pit orchestra, and it was done well.

We starting watching “Breaking Away” in Sociology today, and what an entertaining movie that is. In addition to how it so thoroughly gives examples of the varying deviance theories. But I felt for those cutter kids. Yeah, townies!!

And…on a slightly less random or thoughtless note, how should I react to having lost friends to college, drugs, or simple arrogance? Nevermind. That’s something I should keep on a more private level. Or simply plan out before typing. Yeah, it’s definitely time for some late-night practicing *flashes new rosin at everyone*

listening to: bjork – hyperballad (fluke mix)

This is one of the best Bjork remixes ever, hands down. That and one of the All is Full of Love remix. Yeah, so it’s obvious I went on a pretty random Bjork binge. But…she’s…so good! I was talking to Kyle before rehearsal yesterday about cool accents, and I mentioned how Bjork’s accent was excellent, and he was like “Bjork?!” to whcih I replied “Bjork!”, and then his return “Isn’t she the one with the jazz and the stuff?”, and then I freaked out with many “yes”es, because her Gling Glo album is amazing, and I love it much. Enough about Bjork though.

Today was baad. It started off pretty well, actually, finding out I got a high A on our latest sociology test (as opposed to the last one, where 9 people failed, and I got a B), and wasting massive amounts of time in Creative Writing, as usual. But I wasn’t feeling so hot by the time chorus rolled around. And by the end of school, I was downright off. What didn’t help was the walking to and from ISU with no lunch, and then an ungodly pit orchestra rehearsal after school. So by the time the concert was rolling around, I was feeling utterly sick. I had a pretty interesting bought of nausea right before the orchestra played, but everything improved from there, little by little. Now I feel okay, and plan on making this a relatively early night to collapse. So I apologize to people I may have glared at or yelled at or offended in some way I really can’t remember. Oops. I actually recall shoving Rob out of the way while I was running after Andrew (so I could ask him about a gig on the Saturday, it looked like he was leaving, so I ran like hell to catch him). I’m sorry. *feels bad even if no one else cares* But other than that, it was a good concert. I found I could ignore my not feeling well enough to lead my section pretty well. And I actually remembered the words to “I Delight In All Your Beauty”. And I discovered something wonderful: I’ve gotten over a nervous habit where my thumb stiffens itself up to the point where i almost drop the bow! I mean, i was nervous like heck before the Quintet played Brahms, but there was nothing wrong with my hand. Aah, how nice it was. It was also nice having put new strings on my cello two days ago. Now all I need to complete the happy cellist set would be rosin. Whoowhee.

I have to mention, I had the strangest dream that I went to Mitsuwa for my birthday, but everything was rearranged. And a new feature was the doujinshi calendar section, which was huge, and inclusive of like…every series imaginable. I even remember there being an Elfquest one that particularly caught my eye. And then I went home, and Justin Lomelino showed up and handed me new Nausicaa manga, which was like…Mizuki from HanaKimi in Nausicaa’s garb. And then I woke up to find it was about 7:10. And that was the type of dream that I really would have wanted to continue. Pooh on you, school.

And…I’m about to burn a CD for Renata. Of what, she’ll have to wait and see *continues with evil cackling in the background*

Rehearsal…looong! I mean, three hours is long enough. But we tried to run the Planets straight through (and failed miserably), which took a while. And we finally had our break at like…5. And then it was decided that we had to play through the concertos before the end of rehearsal. So we did that, ending with Mozart, which, for the cello was…sloooow torture. And I’m really really glad that my stand-partner is amused by my inability to count rests and…notes, instead of unamused and…irritated. It’s pretty bad. Especially when I’m tired and my back is hurting. Sometimes I even skip lines, and get horribly lost. And then we aaaall laugh. But, I found out today, through sitting closer to the front and sight-reading, that I’m not the only one who doesn’t count. It’s like…everybody but Abe (though Abe was soloing through one of the concertos so…). There wer missed entrances aaalll over the place. And…we were playing one of the more dark movements of The Planets, in the middle of this really dramatic string feature, and suddenly one of the brass players sneezes. Reeeeally loud. And I wasn’t even one of the first people to lose my composure. Even Allen stopped for like 30 seconds or more to just laugh. Aah, how entertaining it was.

I’m glad my dad didn’t drive this week. Because I had a discman and like six CDs, and all was well.

Lookie, I changed the download! I know I promised Shiina Ringo, but I’m so easily distracted from one artist to another. So enjoy it. And now I’m being kicked off the damn computer.

listening to: the cranberries – empty (live)

I managed to get Tori Amos into the CD player during Creative Writing! Actually, Mrs. Clesson was asking if anybody had CDs, and I just muttered to myself and Marion that I had Tori Amos. And then Marion like…shouted it out to the entire class. So Mrs. Clesson took that offer, and I got to force my music on everybody else for a change. But maybe a half-hour into class, a couple guys asked if they could put in RHCP. I would have been pissed had they not asked so nicely. Haha…and then some girl I’ve never been fond of put in some hip-hop crap with totally inappropriate language. This wholly confused Mrs. Clesson, who gave one of the most conspicuous looks I’d ever seen on her face, turned to me and asked “This isn’t Tori, is it? Who’s un-edited CD is this?! Totally inappropriate for this atmosphere”, to which the girl answered and retrieved her CD from the player. And I wasn’t sure whether I felt embarrassed for her, or more “take that, taste-lacking hip-hop fans!”. Heehee.

Yawn. And then I went absolutely crazy during orchestra, again. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I mean, I’m paying attention, and I’m attentive to my section, and I’m doing good for the orchestra, but I can’t sit still! I’ve never been like this before. Last year I was at least slightly more…calm and stately. I think the freshmen are over being weirded out, but I’ll bet if I could watch me go crazy in a separate body, I would be totally embarrassed and never want to play the cello in front of people again. I already know I move a lot, and I was actually recently made fun of for my incessant foot-tapping. I can’t HELP it. I just do it, and there’s no controlling it! I would love to duct-tape both my feet to the floor if it wouldn’t be such a bloody pain to do in the first place. At least I have decent rhythm for it. Whoo, but let me tell you, some days it’s a curse to have perfect pitch. Especially with these stupid acapella songs in which we drop a whole step or more in pitch. What’s most painful is that I can hear exactly where we go down, and how far we drop. I’ve named the specific spots, but there really isn’t much we can do to prevent things like that from happening, unless we all suddenly gain the ability to control our breathing well. I shouldn’t complain too much. Mostly, what I’m thinking about with the common knowledge of our not staying in pitch is what my parents, namely my Dad will think. I can recall my Dad coming home from U-high concerts saying “the choir was horrible”, and I really don’t want him to be under that impression, and then assume I’m wasting my time in Chorus. Fu~~~h.

Aaah, I’ll leave you all with this for the moment ^_^ My very wet bird, Pete

And yes, he’s sitting on a refridgerator door.

listening to: cappricio espanol running endlessly through my head

I was rather moody and depressed on Monday and Tuesday, as anybody who had to encounter me in real life would probably have noticed. I was pretty dumb not to realize it was because of The Amber Spyglass. I finished it on Sunday night, and went straight from that into extreme bitchness. And what’s more, the next night, I decided I wanted to read the end again. So I did, and instead of loosening up, I became more severely irratable and moody. So I’ve decided that next time I feel like reading that series, I’m going to take a good five days to my self in the summer, just to get over that ending. I’m just fine now. I started rereading Koucha Ouji and that put me in one of the most cheeful moods. So muh. Take that, Philip Pullman! *throws manga at the author*

There’s this piece of music by my most particular favorite cellist, Mark Summer, called Juli-o. I’ve had the sheet music for maybe a year now, and I’ve always sort of been able to play it. But aaalll the upper cello stands can play it like…really really well. So I sat down with the sheet music and a recording on Tuesday for kicks (and for cheering up since I was only starting to come out of my Dark Materials depression…), and wrote in stuff that would help. And I played, and played and played it, and AAH! Not only have a rediscovered my love for it, but I can now actually play the darn thing! The only unfortunate consequence of Juli-o is the twenty-measure strum section that has burnt a hole into my thumb. It wasn’t too painful until Cappricio Espanol at CIYS, where there are crazy pizz chord sections. It HURT. I would have resorted to pizzing with a middle finger, but I didn’t want the rest of the section to get ideas ��

And yeah, whoa, I’m so lazy. I don’t feel like doing ANYTHING tonight. I’m supposed to revise this paper for Creative Writing…but…I don’t wanna! And I’m supposed to study for a test but…I don’t wanna. I think I’m starting to come to terms with my filthy procrastinating ways, though. I have at least identified the pattern in which it occurs. It starts with “I’ll do it after dinner”, which turns into “I’ll do it before bed”, followed by the “Maybe I’ll get up early” leading up with a big fat “Oops”. Just being able to identify that has helped a little. Not much. All I wanna do is practice or read or watch movies or just plain sit on my lazy ass. Sigh.