Yeah, so I informed my cello-teacher a few times that I had an audition coming up this Saturday (tomorrow, in fact), and he said he’d call me about a lesson. Well, he called my mother Saturday night and is like “Oop, well, I’m leaving to go to Arizona about…now, and Talia can have a lesson on Saturday morning”. And then it turned out that he actually WAS home, and actually COULD give me a lesson, and in fact did. I got back from it not long ago, actually. It was okay. I have a tendancy to be really weak when I go in, and then gradually regain my playing energy. So I’m feeling pretty good about my audition tomorrow. Seriously, if I can just go into the room, not be nervous, and play my guts out on the Shostokovich, I’ll be in good shape. WHOO! ENERGY!

Also good about going to Chicago, I’m forcing my parents to drive to Mitsuwa afterward. This will be my opportunity to complete my InuYasha collection. I’m only missing three volumes, and would really like to own the rest. But then ugh, I need to get some non-shounen going in my collection. Or at least something different from Takahashi stuff. WHOO! Wonder if there are any important singles I should look for.

Whoa, REM is releasing a remix album? okay…

While Harvard Worried About The Classics, And Yale Worried About God, Oberlin Worried About The State Of The World Beyond

That quote makes me want to send out my Oberlin application right now. Their brochures are pretty damn cool. If I could go to any school based on a brochure, it would Oberlin, yes indeed. Well, I mean, I am actually considering this school, anyway, because it’s a conservatory as well as a college (my main reason for being interested) that has a huge East Asian Studies program. Sounds perfect, right? Sort of hard to double-major in music and language when I’d be bound to practicing about six hours a day. Ugh. Why am I talking about this again? I’ll figure something out…

Jeff called yesterday afternoon, and said that we should go bowling. I don’t like bowling, really, but Jeff has this way of getting me to give in and be social (wow, I’m horrible, aren’t I…). He asked Andrew and Emily to come, too, so that was cool. Emily and I were fighting for last place through the two games. Andrew was making fun of Jeff through the two games. It was a lot of fun. Afterward, we walked to Baskin Robbins, where we raided the ice-cream store of it’s nuts, bananas, and napkins (no, seriously, they were running out of everything, and it was all the because of the four of us…er, well, the three of them. I just got a single scoop of mint-chocolate-chip, the only kind of ice-cream I’ll ever need in life). It was about 10:30 or so when we parted (well, in pairs. I went with Emily).

Anyway, we knew it was late, but being summer and both of us having cool parents, we decided to run to the Movie Fan and rent something (well, Emily decided this on her own, and I love to watch movies so WHOO). We rented “Wonder Boys”, which is a wonderful, though moderately crazy movie. Thinking back to it, it makes me want to write more and  strengthens my resolve to avoid illegal drugs.

Anyway, a random amusing quote: “For my 18th birthday, there’ll be smoking, porn, and voting.”

Gee, I Never Considered Myself To Be The Partying Type…

So because Attack of the Clones was making me hurt, I started watching the original Star Wars trilogy today. Uuuh, feels so goood. Endearing characters who are portrayed well by their actors and a well written script are enough to leave me content for a long while. Seriously, I’m not sure that Episode III could be much worse than Episode II, but you never know, huh. Maybe George Lucas is losing his mind in his old age, so come three years his scripts will be really mind-numbing. I had a good movie-discussion with Nikita today. I also got to recommend the Pixies to him, which thrills me to death because I’m spreading Pixifying happiness.

I’ve been party hopping for the past three days. Though I’m sure the number of parties I’ve gone to are nothing compared to most people, actually (graduation parties, we’re talking). And it all started with graduation. The speeches were really good, and the scholars bumped eachother out of seats when they tried to sit down. The reception afterward was cool, too, although I couldn’t find any of the people I was looking for. And then I did find one I was looking for, but am unfortunately an idiot, as always. Uh…nevermind that, though. I went to Jeff and Andrew’s party right after that, which was cool if you like being really really cramped and seeing teachers drinking…which I found fascinating. Saturday I went to Emily’s, Eva’s, and Justin’s. It was all a lot of fun and I can’t say I ate anything in my own home all day. Today I stopped into David’s and Miriam’s really quickly, before going to play for the Skaggs’s wedding reception. Miriam was actually having a joint graduation party-birthday party. Her brother and cousin were both celebrating their birthday parties in the next room, so I felt kind of bad. It was still fun, though. We sat and reminisced about the Boston trip for a while.

Okay, Justin’s graduation party was freaking awesome. Awesome enough I felt it deserved it’s own paragraph. So, to start the awesomeness off, Shane and Josh’s band played on the back porch, and they’re actually really good. They actually played a lot of their own original stuff, with no covers of other bands. Well, no complete covers, anyway. The had a lot of the first verse of songs other groups, followed by a lot of confusion and miscommunication within the group, and the end of the attempted song. That was entertaining, to say the least. There was a hilarious “Freebird!” moment where I thought of Stuart Davis and was happy.  Anyway, what was better than the band, is when I went into the den to find Dan and David messing with the Karaoke machine. Watching them actually doing karaoke was fun, because they were just mocking and having fun, not really singing. But when they abandoned the CDs altogether and started using the microphones for their own entertainment, that was even better. It started off with stupid sound-effects, but turned into the “sound effects” game from Whose Line Is It Anyway?, and with some of the good actors being present, with the combination of Dan and David’s noises, it was the most hilarious thing I’ve experienced in a long time. Whooo….Anyway, thanks, Justin and co.

I think I’m pretty much done with parties. I should go to Rebecca’s, but I doubt that will happen, because I’m lazy and it’s very far away. Oh well. What can you do *sigh*

My Star Wars Spiel

Episode II last night. Too bad it really sucked. Like, blah. I’m sure it didn’t help my opinion of it in the way that I was sitting next to Rob, and when he started to make fun of things, so did I. I think we just generally spent a lot of time laughing at things that nobody else in the theater thought amusing, such as: dislike of sand, young evil cackling, destruction in general. I was, however, happy that there was a lot of r2d2/cp30 involvement, and minimal Jar Jar involvement.

On a brighter side of entertainment, I watched all of Pride and Prejudice, last night and this morning. Aaaah, so good. I need to get my hands on Sense and Sensibility, for the sake of going the entire Jane Austen way. Masterpiece Theater is my friend.

My sister just left for Ohio, wahoo! It was okay having her around, but when she and my mother gang up on me, it seriously sucks. Uh..and this leaves me thinking that I have quite a bit to do this afternoon. Practice, clean my closet, not to mention running to Barnes and Noble. Which I will have to borrow money from my mother for. She deposited both my ISU orch checks without even inquiring whether or not I wanted to have any of the cash on handy. Thanks, mom.

Do As Infinity’s Break Of Dawn

My CD changer played it’s last disc this morning. I’m proud to say it was Judy and Mary’s “Music Fighter”, too. Oh, but as for the disc changer, I’m sort of pissed because it’s not even four years old, and it’s kaput. It loads the discs, and changes them, but it won’t read them, which is the key to..um…playing them. My definitive need for music will spurn me to listen to the radio in the meantime, but I know it’ll be bothersome not having any control over what I’m listening to. I suppose I could put my discman to use…that’s another thing, though, I’m spoiled by having a 5 disc changer, because I make five unsure decisions about what I want to listen to, not one unsure one, and usually end up being at least 60% happy, meaning that my choices aren’t always good. Anyway, this must seem very trivial, especially to those who aren’t spoiled with disc-changers like I am.

I saw Sen to Chihiro after school today, and it was GOOD! It’s definitely on my top-5 list of Miyazaki movies now that I’ve seen it. Then I started to watch Itazurana KISS, the drama version. I went on an absolute binge and watched like five episodes in a row. It’s pretty good, but immediately, they change a lot of plot stuff, and even trivial stuff. It’s okay, though, because I like the characters, and the actors, and it’s a cute drama. Not to mention the cuteness of Irie’s actor, who does an excellent job of being a little bastard. I’m betting I’ll have finished the VCDs by Friday, just because I’m going to have free-time on my hands and I’m pretty good with obsessing over any current drama being viewed.

My thanks go to Renata for the Stuart Davis CD. I’ve been listening to it a lot since I got it, and I LOOOVE it. It’s just too bad I have no CD player anymore. *tired*

Beware The Entry Of Rage

My mom and sister suck. Seriously suck. My sister asked me if I wanted to go running with her. That was fine with me, I like running, and usually when I go running with people who are more capable than myself (Erica was an unofficial member of the Oberlin cross-country team, so she’s pretty good), I get a better workout because I have more of a set goal: to keep up with the poeple in front of me. It wasn’t bad, but it was definitely a work-out. We ran from our house, around the ISU quad and back. About 3 miles in less than 30 minutes, which was good for me. While we were running, Erica decided to give me my third “what you’re going to do for the rest of your life” talk in two weeks. That was okay, too. I mean, I really, passionately, hate these discussions, but at least it was bearable with my sister because she had a more related experience to what I might be going through soon, and she’s not paying for it, so it doesn’t make me feel guilt or pressure for that particular reason. But anyway, we get home, and step inside, and the temperature difference between inside and outside is so great, I feel weird. After a little walking and water, I was fine. But then I went into my mom’s room, where Erica was standing and talking to her. My sister said something to my mom about my being well-prepared, but just having to work in order to achieve stuff. My mom said that was great, and then proceeded to make a sarcastic remark about the music camps I WON’T be going to this summer. That bothered me a lot, but when she started ratting other things on me, too, I walked out of the room to avoid having to take other crap. She and Erica thought it was funny, though, apparently, because I could hear them laughing about it, and saying my name. That’s nice. It’s really nice to know I’m a source of some pleasure, even if it’s at the expense of my own feelings and trials.

So then they follow me into the livingroom, where I’m just trying to stretch out my tired legs and stay away from them. I get more of the same crap, but this time they’re coating it thick with “for my future” reasoning. I was horribly unstable from running, so I basically collapsed into the sofa, and started to cry. And then they laughed a bit more, about how they hadn’t really meant to make me cry. But I kept crying, and they wouldn’t leave me alone. Man, why do I continually have to take this crap? Can’t I at least like…make points and not have them shot back into my face by something totally irrelevent from my mom’s side (yeah, my mom. my dad’s being pretty helpful about this sort of thing, actually). It’s so stupid. If this is what auditions and schools will cause me, I wish I could just be normal. Not be a crazy cellist. Just a normal high-schooler who has homework and friends. Not vaguely worked-on homework, cello, and sometimes friends. Even being a stereo-typical nerd would suit me, because then I’d at least have something to give me kicks in life. It makes me lonely, too. It makes me really need people, not books, or even my room. People, who can talk to me and assure me that I do have some relative control of my future, and that parents are really just there to confuse me.

I should probably go to bed pretty soon, just because I have a final tomorrow and I love to sleep. Hopefully I’ll have pleasant dreams including Colin Firth. That will comfort me and help me forget how awful people can be at times.

Clearly It’s Satan

This is a little something my friend, Rob, was writing on a napkin around 11:30 this morning. There were other napkins, quite similar to this one, randomly left on tables in the lounge to serve as entertainment for me–er…something to disturb students and (hopefully) faculty alike. Yes, I still have the original napkin.

Meaty Goodness
Open-heart surgery
Nepotism ROCKS!
Gravy
Red-Rimmed Shoelaces
Entropic Revelation
Lurking in the Darkness

Post Post Post It Rhymes With Toast

Sundays are so boring. That’s why I post two or three entries about absolutely nothing. I can’t help it, though. Seriously, all I’ve done today is slept, eaten, watched TV. I’m usually at least a little more productive than that.

So, I watched most of the X-Files series finale. It really would have helped if I could possibly have made the time, just an hour a week, for the X-files in the past season, because I was seriously confused for the first part of the episode. I think this might have been the most I’ve yelled at my TV since the episode of the West Wing where Amy and Josh…*shiver* nevermind. Things like “KRYCEK DIED, HE CAN’T BE ALIVE!” and “SCULLY’S UGLY BABY CAN LEVITATE STUFF?!” and “MULDER DID WHAT WHEN WHERE?!”. Then there were taunting moments, for instance, I turned back to FOX from something else and saw Mulder talking with the Lone Gunmen. Imaginary Lone Gunmen. Sigh. I still hate Dogbert. Uh…the X-files makes me so sad. Sad sad sad. I loved the X-files so much. I still do love it, but older, better, less pathetic episodes. I no longer hate David Duchovny. In fact, I can’t remember what my original grudge against him was in the first place. Right, I thought he was a jerk. Now his jerk-like qualities are more endearing than anything.

Insert Heading Here

Two days ago, I was informed that someone on eBay was selling HanaKimi #1-13. Megan offered to bid on them for me, which was excellent. Too bad that the highest bid when I checked yesterday afternoon was $71. I figured it would be wise to pass on that. I was willing to go about $60, and even so, I thought that was pretty expensive. Especially for used books. You can buy one manga at a used store for 250yen (around $2), as opposed to the normal price of about $5 per book. I figure, by the time shipping is payed for, it’s totally not worth it. Sigh. Oh well. It’s not like I don’t have any HanaKimi to read. Damn, I’m selfish…that’s okay, I suppose.

More from eBay, I usually never expect to find anything JPOP that I like on eBay. Bonnie Pink, Shiina Ringo, they just don’t show up. V6 is hard to find because of their name, and I don’t feel their stuff is so much worth purchasing as much as downloading via iSwipe. But anyway, I searched for the hell of it, and found 3 BP (Do You Crash?, Inu to Tsuki, You Are Blue So Am I)singles for $9.00 together. And then I found 3 Shiina Ringo (Tsumi to Batsu, Honnou, GIBS) singles for $9.00 together. Coincidence? No, same seller. I’m really thinking of going for it, because I know there aren’t many Shiina/BP fanatics online (lord knows I’ve looked) and that’s a REALLY good deal. Singles usually cost about $12 each. So this would be worth if. I’d probably be willing to put around $20 on either one or both of those single packages.

I missed Outlier yesterday, for my Youth Symphony audition plus a wedding. The audition was a joke. Actually, to be correct, I was the joke. It was weird, because I was actually pretty well prepared, but as soon as I started for the auditioners, my playing turned to mush. The sad part is that I’m willing to bet even if there was somebody who could have outdone me in the regular auditions (from my sloppiness), they could not have done the Don Quixote. No, what am I talking about…? There’s like…myself and one other person left in the Youth Symphony. That and I’ve sat principle cello for two years. Sigh. That just makes me feel worse. Shouldn’t they have a principle cellist who can actually play? Anyway, I’m going to forget about that, because it was all pretty stupid. We played a wedding at 2, which was our first smooth/enjoyable wedding. We actually got scripts for this one, which I think we as a quartet should require for weddings from now on. Well, either a script or actually attending a rehearsal, so we know what we’re supposed to be playing, and when. I mean, we even almost had a big screw-up yesterday, WITH the script. The script said we were supposed to start playing Canon in D when Rich and Brian walked out. None of us had any idea who Rich and Brian were, so we just guessed and started playing. How surprising it was that Rich and Brian walked out a door right NEXT to us about four minutes into Canon in D. However, we’re lucky fools, because right as we finished Canon, the bride was in the doorway, ready to walk down the isle, which was the point at which we were supposed to play trumpet voluntary. PHEW. I drove us to and from Emily’s house, which should have been fine, except I was made fun of for being so very “cautious”. BLAH.

I turned down working at some Carnival thing going on at the Unitarian Church this morning. I don’t know why I decided not to go. Oh wait, yes I do. The prospect of having to work with children. Also seeing people I’d rather not see. I’m so sick of school. I can’t wait until this friday, where I can become the ultimate anti-people person. It’s really good to have two friends living within two blocks of me. Yay summer.

Three Songs Entitled "Life Goes On" Running Through Head

So things in my US Studies class are getting old. We’ve been continuously presenting for about two weeks now. Thank god my group went second, or I’d still have to work. Hehe…too bad we did an absolutely horrible job. But somehow, through it all, I’m managing a nice, steady A. I think the last group presented today, on the Clinton Administration. The group prior to them did the Environmental Conservation movement, which was all very well. The Environmental group presented for 20 minutes and then showed the beginning (and very end) of Soylent Green (weird movie, fyi). Not to mention bringing us “dirt pudding” (oreos in cream with those weird chewy worms in the middle). Now that was fine and dandy with me, the dirt pudding, because they’d gotten all their work out of the way, and were making a cute attempt to appease, perhaps apologize to the class for boring them out of their minds at 7am. But this morning, five minutes into the Clinton Administration presentation, one of the presenters was stating that Clinton was inaugurated in the spring of 1993, and finished with “So, we brought inauguration cup-cakes!” What the hell?! They wasted ten minutes time passing out blue-frosted, white and red-sprinkled cupcakes, plus some red articificial beverage. I shouldn’t complain, though. I like it when I get free food before lunch. Or even just free food. I just wonder what possesed them to go out of their way to make cup-cakes for the classmates when they had other work to–oh, wait, I keep forgetting that I, unlike most others, am lazy and don’t think of other people. Ever. Well, sorry.

English Lit is great now, because there are three of us left out of the seniors who are done with school. So what are we doing? Sitting in the smart room watching “Pride and Prejudice”. The other two classmates of mine spend most of the hour conversing with eachother, but I am secretly (okay, actually pretty openly) enthralled by Pride and Prejudice. Heehee I love Mr. Darcy. Not as much as Mrs. Walker, though. She rewound the 30-second bit where he’s sitting in the wash-basin being dumped with water three times. I was weirded out by that at first, but then I thought, if it were Nagano, wouldn’t I do the same? The answer to that is “yes”, but I sure as hell wouldn’t let a class of my own English students know about it. Anyway, I notice that the three younger daughters look like close kin of the Reeser’s (Natalie, Rebecca). It’s quite striking, and a little distracting. Then in orchestra, we were in the smart room (aGAIN), watching, of all things, the modern Romeo and Juliet. I still have a thing or two against Leonardo DeCaprio. He does, however, look the like Gilbert from HanaKimi, a character I dislike extremely for his interfering with Mizuki and Sano. That and just being a bastard.

So I’ll refrain from inserting any TMBG lyrics this time…

Class Night

The night I’ve been dreading for probably 5 months just happened. It was nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be for me, though. I didn’t feel emotional much at all, maybe once or twice when I was saying goodbye to a couple people who I knew I would probably never see again after that point. In all honesty, I was disappointed with the movie. It was good, of course it was good, but it was nothing that they’ve had for the last two years. Seriously. Nothing compares to Matt Iodice starring in a spoof of “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”, riding into Stroud on Kinsella’s motorcycle. Then “the matrix” two years ago (I think?). That was also pretty cool. No, that was last year, too. God…when did these movies come out? Anyway, yeah, the skits were probably good, but I couldn’t hear most of them because of a) the stars of the skits not knowing how to use a microphone or project their voice and b) the screaming junior girls sitting right behind me. Seriously, they were loud and I was pissed. Halogen Blue did a nice job, too. Played four songs, all covers, but still really good. Emily, Nikita and Andrew played their instruments for two songs, and I was jealous/overcome by admiration (or also just…yeah. jealousy).

There was a lot of hugging going on, and even though I’m usually a non-touchable person, I definitely let it slide for tonight. I hugged everybody who was a senior that I have thought well of in any way. Even people who didn’t really know me. Example, Adam O.
Me: Hey, Adam, I never really knew you, and you never really knew me, and I think you’d only know me because you were introduced to me once, but I really think you’re cool and wanted to tell you that before you left, and wish you good luck.
Adam: Thanks. Actually, yeah, I’ve heard cool things about you, too. I’m sad I didn’t get to know you any, either. Why is it you think I’m really cool?
Me: I don’t know, you just stand out as being something different, and just have a really interesting personality, from what I’ve seen (Hehe…I’ve seen Bang Bang You’re Dead, and you were in that).
Adam: Ah, cool. Well, goodbye and good luck.

I wonder if he even knew my name. That’s probably how a lot of the goodbyes went. I hugged Matt from Halogen Blue. So when he’s really famous, I can say that he went to my school and I hugged him. Ugh. Well, whatever. I’m okay now. Just lonely in school. I’ll get over that, too.

I feel bad that I’m not going to Jeff’s house, but I really don’t want to be around any people right now. Just me in my room, possibly with my cello as soon as my bow gets back. I’ll be up really late tonight, but I’ll just try and caffienate myself early. We’re watching Pride and Prejudice in English Lit (with three remaining students including myself) and it’s really good, so I won’t fall asleep during that. I love that kind of story, anyway, so it’s all good. So all in all, I’m alive, and I’ll continue to live, and being able to say that already makes me feel much better.

I think this is my last serious entry for a while. Oyasumi

The Sun Is A Mass Of Incandescant Gas…

Well…I didn’t write a damn thing yesterday, anywhere. Nothing in any of the sporatic notebooks I keep, and obviously, nothing here. I repeat: nothing. I was freaking out yesterday, though, so I think I was subconsciously trying to stay away from it. The seniors are gone, but at this point I think I’ve forced my stupid brain to come to terms with that. It may not be the healthiest thing to force oneself to feel a certain way, but considering how weird I was acting yesterday, I don’t really give a damn. I feel better. It’s also impossible to feel bad in any way while listening to They Might Be Giants, oh baby baby baby.

I’m thinking of changing my friend, the layout. Or changing the color scheme of it. It’s so…bland. At least for my taste of drab, dark colors. I’m thinking of something red, if I can arrange. Maybe just using the already-present layout would work. Oooh, and with my cool, new free html editor (that does everything for me so I’ll never actually have to learn more html than I already know, or…probably), I can actually possibly pull something off by myself.

~The Sun Is Not The Sun Is Not A Place Where We Can Live…

I Got The Chorus Concert Blues…

I guess I’m right about this music-department-emotional thing, and how I’m always strangely uptight and weary after our concerts. There were just so many people. I’m starting to think that my having to deal with poeple is a bad idea. Especially at this point when I’m wondering why I exist, what my point is, what anybody’s point is, what happens next. I’m usually too busy going on through obsessions and not paying attention to the big scheme of things to be melancholy and weird. I do better when I pay attention to day-to-day problems and not think about the future. So it’s this kind of thing that I want to wring my own neck for, worrying. Worrying over what? I have no clue. Maybe this has something to do with the fact that I spent about three hours listening to music and staring at my ceiling last night, totally unable to sleep. It’s amazing how there are different levels of fatigue and how each of them affects me. At least it’s worth staying up for the music I listen to. Cornelius is the best thing, ever.

Well, on the bright side, I’m really on a music kick, going between Do As Infinity and Hisaishi Jou and Blonde Redhead, and it’s great. If I could forget everything but listening to great music, I’d be totally fulfilled in life. I have a really good collection, which I’m actually really proud of. I’m the master with non-popular japanese music, I’d say. Shiina Ringo, Bonnie Pink, GLAY, Pizzicato Five and Cornelius and AAGH! It’s great! I’m hoping to compile a couple more CDs soon.

Aw, man, I’m getting to like Sophie so much! We have a lot in common for two poeple who’ve barely met, and shared a prom date. Anyway I should probably not elaborate on that now because it’s so very late and my mother expects me off.

She’s Done Something Constructive!

Yay! I messed around with our digital camera, and now have 3 pictures uploaded! Well, three more pictures. Not to mention a recent one of myself! So, yeah, give in to the amazingness of it all and check out my desk, the wall above my bed and of course, me (looking scornful, as usual)!

That’s all.

*edit* Yeah, the pictures have disappeared into hyper-space at this point. Sorry, folks.

Motorway to Roswell

Time for another upload. I love the Pixies. This is one of my favorite songs by them. This is also my dedication song for Agent Fox Mulder. It should be obvious why, if you so carefully note the title of the song. And the lyrics. Anyway, I need to stress once again, that I love the Pixies. They are no longer a group, which is a bloody shame, but whatever. Some musicians it’s better not to keep together. I have no idea what happened to them. I do know that they went to University of Massachusetts (U Mass).

Anyway, horrah, The Pixies!

And My Future Holds…

I suspect I’m going to recieve a “parental talk” tonight at dinner. At least they warned me about this. It’s about next year, college, schools to choose from. I hate it when I recieve “talks” like this. My dad really likes to suggest every single school he’s heard of that has a great program with great teachers. Most of these happen to be in the Southwest, or Midwest. I’m open to any schools from Illinois to the East Coast, though. I don’t know. I’m having a difficulty dealing with the thought of my not doing music, but I’d really like to do something with East Asian Studies, in a big way. I think my parents would prefer that thought even less than I would. It also would have helped if I had given a little more of my all in school freshman year, what with GPA being so important. Especially in science. I mean, I’m a decent above-average student. But not amazingly so, and considering some of the guidelines for admissions at the school’s I’d like to go to…it looks like I might depend on my music skills. I’m not saying that I won’t go to a conservatory if I can possibly get into one, but…I just don’t know about that. I don’t feel like I’m disciplined enough to even deserve to go one (although I think that when I’m in the right setting, I can sit and practice for hours…), and it’s hard for me to imagine living off of what the cello brings in. You know what I’d love to do? Teach Japanese/Translate Japanese by day, play in a symphony orchestra by night.

My mom and dad aren’t really…helping so far. They’re only naming more schools at me, day by day, not giving me many guidelines to the schools they are naming. I’d say only one of my friends, Emily, is really encouraging me to go for what I want. I really appreciate that right now. She’s had the effect of calming me after I’ve had a conversation with my dad about schools. I just wish there were an easier way of finding what I’m looking for, without parents naming things at me and crap.

Typing Quietly…

Jamie says she’s going to change her blog layout, to which I reply: “noooo!”. Don’t do it, Jamie, it’s a trap–er…it’s too pretty the way it is to change! I liked Megan‘s before she changed it, too, just because I loved Long Vacation, but there are enough LV pictures available that I can look at anytime I want. So basically the only thing that’s making an impact on this opinion is mine is that I get to look at Kubozuka Yousuke every time I read her blog. Megan–I have no idea what drama picture that is on your blog, or else I’d rant about that, too.

I have another gripe. Smileys, and how it bothers me when they’re over-used. I’m guilty of this myself, actually, but when I encounter poeple who use more smileys than I do (two or three per sentance) THAT goes too far. I don’t know why I think this. Maybe it’s that I feel like when I get smileys, the person giving the smileys thinks conversation is boring or people are just humoring me because they think I’m crazy. I’m not saying either of those things are true (or untrue, for that matter…), I’m just making affirmative the fact that I am, indeed, paranoid. Hmm…people who read this are either going to a) think that I’m an idiot for caring about, heck, even thinking about this sort of thing or b) going to become smiley-conscious, neither of which I’m hoping the result will be. So I apologize in advance. I guess…

Uguh…life is being made difficult for me. I was accused of being very lazy today, which isn’t untrue, but I do make an effort to get things done. I spent quite a while doing my Frankenstein homework this morning after my cello lesson, so I decided I’d use the computer, downloading some Do As Infinity plus checking out blogs and doing all the other boring what-not I do when I use the computer. My being on the computer just happened to coincide with my mother coming home from teaching (basically, she missed seeing me do homework and only saw me on the computer, starting the notion that I’d been sitting around and doing nothing since I’d come home from my lesson). This didn’t bother her until she asked me to go shopping with her, to which I said I was tired and not showered. She then started telling me how she was going to make a “schedule” for me to follow over the summer because I was so lazy, and never practiced or did housework. Well, god dammit, so what if I didn’t rush up to practice immediately after my lesson? So what if I put homework before house-cleaning and cello? I was just getting it out of the way. That’s why I’m so damn paranoid and trapped-feeling in the summer. My mother likes to control what I do (this seriously is what happens when I’m home over the summer, I get gotten for being lazy at any point in time, despite the fact it is, indeed, summer, and people like to not do work during their vacations, exCUSE me for being like people). So I’m always like…lurking in the house, waiting until she leaves to come down and be lazy. It already feels like that right now, so I’m “typing quietly” to avoid being yelled at. Sob. I mean, other than this small thing, I love my parents. It’s just that they have a small tendancy to drive me BATTY every once in a while. No big deal.

I think I’m gonna run to Akemiya and rent some stuff. I’ve been Gakkou e Ikou deprived for a while now…

I’m on REM boot-fest right now. REM doesn’t get any better than acoustic. There was this web-sharing community on the Hotline network (called “Underneath the Bunker) that had tracks from practically every REM bootleg ever up for download. I was in live-recording heaven for almost two weeks until I was either kicked off because I was too busy downloading and not adding to their discussions, or it shut down. I’m almost suspecting it was shut down, because nearly a year later, I can’t find anything about the damn site anywhere. Anyway, I got some great tracks during this period of time, and half of them were acoustic. So, during acoustic recordings, Michael still does the singing thing, obviously. But Mike Mills will pick up the accordion or the banjo, in addition to bass. Peter Buck usually does a good mix of mandolin and acoustic guitar, and Bill Berry will do some various percussive instrument. It’s REALLY nice, to hear Michael Stipe’s voice at the same level as the instruments like that…not over-done, not overcome by feedback. It’s not just that, but the alternative instruments used are all ones that I’m sort of fascinated with (at least, the string instruments).

God…I’m so tired. I think fatigue has me totally outsmarted, because I’m completely apathetic right now. It’s not possible for me to listen to any problems of other people right now. I just have “uh”s and “sorry”s to reply, and that’s it. I hear enough complaining from particular people at school. Oops, but I’m about to start naming names and that would be BAD. So I’m going to go to bed. But not before I remind myself here and now that I need to return music to Andrew before he graduates and I don’t see him until…well ever again.

Of Concerts And Computers…

I probably shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near a keyboard right now. So beware if I explode or something.

I lost another entry. That combined with a really horrible orchestra concert I just came from totally has me down. It’s all come down to this: Netscape Navigator is a minion of SATAN. I thought I’d use it to type an entry, just for the hell of it, and when I tried to publish that entry, Netscape ate, devoured, consumed, found nourishment in, partook of the goodness of my entry. Really, losing good entries is more disconcerting to me than most people probably think it would be. It’s only so often that I’m in the right time and place, that good things find the keyboard. My five second memory-span doesn’t allow for me to have the same entry twice. Also, I can’t load melody of certain three using Netscape. I’m always redirected to a url that doesn’t exist. Does this happen to everybody using Netscape? Seriously, if you’re reading this, right now, and you’re doing it through Netscape, let me know. Because it’s possible that it’s simply the abominable computer-curse following me around.

I feel sort of useless and dejected right now. I get like that occasionally, usually after orchestra concerts. I don’t know what it is at all, because I just end up feeling like crap after almost all the school concerts I play. I think part of it is that I’m honestly feeling sort of unappreciated right now. I mean, I put a lot of work and thought into what I do, and sometimes I feel like I’m just taken for granted. I don’t do it just to show that I’m good at the cello and have been playing for 12 years and blah blah blah. I do it because I’m hoping there are other people that share the same passion about music that I do, and that I can work with them and hear what they have to think, and maybe impact the poeple who don’t even care about the music the slightest bit. I wonder if everybody just thinks I’m simply trying to show off. If that’s what it’s about, I wish I weren’t good. Praise is meaningless to me unless I know I’ve done something to deserve it. Which brings me to say that I’ve figured something else out to that “I hate praise” thing. I don’t like being told I’m good. That’s not what I want to hear unless I’ve actually been putting hard work into the music. I do like being told that I’ve contributed and my efforts have been appreciated, and that I’ve made some sort of impact on others. And then there’s the “I don’t have any worth unless I’m behind an instrument of some sort” thing, but that doesn’t bother me too often. Anyway, that’s all I really had to complain about. And now that I’m rethinking what I’m saying, I’m coming to realize that I’m an incredibly paranoid wretch. Haha…oh well. Maybe it’s really an endearing fault of mine. *snarf* although I can’t see how that could be.

On a lighter note, I think I fixed my archives. I thought I’d lost them again, when I had to re-do the blogger template. Then I realized I was ignoring the clear instructions that if you have to change your template, it’s required that you republish archives. Well, that and I had to re-insert the java-code, but yeah. Alright, and working archives have totally uplifted my mood. So I’m off to skip around!

I Love My Friends…Occasionally…

I was totally harassed last night because I just happened to mention that I’m fond of Tobey Maguire.

I just came back from running and HOLY CRAP, it’s humid out there. I was absolutely drenched with sweat when I came in. It looked as though I’d just been dumped with a bucket of water or something. But it was a really nice run, other than that. It rained a lot earlier, and since the foliage is just starting to come out, it smelled a lot like upstate New York during the summer. I’d better watch out or I’ll be all over the “planning on living in the woods” thing again.

Whoa…I feel…stupid. I’m at hereinmyhead.com, a Tori Amos site which I’d never have gone to had it not been for Renata, and I clicked in the page that said “Hi Neil”. I’ve noticed a couple references to the name “Neil”, but I never knew that they were references to NEIL GAIMAN, author of THE SANDMAN and other such works *sob* I mean, there was no reason for me to know that anyway, because I just never linked the two in my mind, but gyaaah!

It only took me two hours, but I finally have cool-looking comments. They actually match the colors of my page…or…come close. I’ll make more adjustments as time passes, but until then MWEH.

That sucked that sucked that sucked that sucked…I was trying to change the YACCS html in my template, because there’s a necessary upgrade. Well, as I was copying and pasting html into the template, I noticed that the Japanese program in IE had garbled some of the copied text with tons or random yen (�) symbols, which I knew would screw up the rest of the template. I cancelled that, went to options and set text at “Western Macintosh” instead of “Japanese auto-detect”. Well, after that, IE decided to stop working. It wouldn’t even load the main blogger page at that point. Sooo, I thought that Netscape Navigator was worth a try. It appeared to be working well. I copied the html into the template and all was seemingly well. Seemingly, for when I pressed “save changes”, my computer froze, and I had to restart. Then, IE was working again, but I pull up the template page in “blog-edit”, and there was NOTHING. Zilch, zero, not a character, not a number. I freaked out for a good 30 seconds, but then just copied the html source from the main page (which had not been effected yet by the lack of html, seeing changes take effect upon new entries). Sooo, if there’s a notable lack of links or archives (that’s what I’m mainly worried about. It took me a month to get my archives up…), that’s why.

Yay, my bow is going to be fixed and rehaired at Robert Cauer violin makers in Los Angeles! My dad is leaving on Sunday, and taking it with him. The rehairing will take a day, and the part replacement will take like twenty minutes. That makes me sooo happy, because not only will I have a bow (a REAL bow) for my auditions later this month, but we bought the bow from Cauer. So I’m trusting they’ll do a good job (their instrument care page is awesome, btw). My dad will be in LA for like five days, so I’ll have to wait, but I frankly don’t give a damn.

Whoo…testing…?

~Tonari No Totoro Totoro….Totoro Totoro…~

Wanna shave my head. My hair is driving me CRAAAZY. I don’t know if it’s because it’s uneven at the ends, or the weather has been humid or that my hair sucks in the first place. It just gets to certain points of the year that it drives me nuts. But professional care is expensive and I’m too lazy to do anything special for it on a daily basis. I’m happy as long as it behaves and is moderately long. And right now, the urge for my hair to be more than moderately long well outdoes my urge to chop it off, so there.

Something else on my list of things to do: take my glasses to Walmart’s Vision Center to have them unbent. I sat on them last year in chemistry (I specifically remember it happening, too. Right in the middle of a lab…), and they haven’t been the same since. I don’t like Walmart. I really don’t. It’s everything about the place. The way the lights are in the building, the people who work there, the other people they encounter there. I don’t even like driving past Walmart, all those cars. Man, I’m probably going to end up choosing the nomadic way of life, later one, because I’ll be sick of people. Not that there’s much of a large area left to wander save for Russia, Iceland and Antarctica. I wonder if I would phsychologically survive living in a hole in the ground, out in the woods. I seriously think I would be content enough to do this as long as I had shelter, an outlet for food, and a good climate. Ever read “My Side Of The Mountain”? I did, at least three times when I was younger. Aside from Japan, I’ve always had this obsession with like…running away and trying to live on my own. Well, not actually doing it, just making up games and stories about it.

I was talking to…a couple people, about this idea that there is a specific amount of sleep available around the world for everybody. Like, sleep is a state, and only a certain number of people can attain the state at once, so there’s only enough to go around. So as the population grows, we’re all getting less and less sleep because we are sharing it entirely. Example: If I sleep for 10 hours instead of six, I’ve stolen four hours of sleep from somebody else, collectively from other poeple. I have the greatest idea for a story about this. I don’t know what kind of story, and I obviously haven’t started writing it, but it’s just something that would occupy me and possibly take over my brain for a while.

At random, I’ve been getting the “Tonari no Totoro” them song in my head. So at points I’ll just start singing in Japanese. Arukou, arukou, watashi wa genki~~aruko ga daisuki, don don yukou

Someday Me Speaking Pretty English

This will be like the third time I type this same entry. It’s my fault, both times. The first time, I accidently opened up a program that I KNEW would probably make the computer freeze, and totally disregarded the fact that I had not yet clicked “publish”. So yeah, there was some whining over than when the computer DID freeze. Then, later, I was very happy with the quality of the re-typed entry, but saw I had put in like two too many spaces between two paragraphs, and somehow, when I was trying to fix this, I managed to highlight all the text and then press “delete” before I even knew what I was doing. Ah, what a sad way to lose an entry. Well, I’m not going to even try touching up on the subjects from before because I bet I’ll just end up deleting this entry on accident for some…reason. Let’s just say that my Japanese final was easy, and I found The Cranberries’ “Dreams” in Gaelic. *nods*

Uh….well now everything worth mentioning is sort of…down to nothing. Lesse…I guess I’m going to try out for Chicago Youth Symphony Orchestra. I still don’t know. It would be a great musical experience, but that’s like…commuting to Chicago once a week. Plus, meeting all the really scary people from Chicago who could easily kick my ass.

I’m gonna burn me a Shiina Ringo CD right about now. I use me good grammar.